Yes, well, that's not just specific to Lupus.
Some prople (general public) just do the minimum expected.
some are go-getters (type A personality).
Some push themselves to do more. The reasons might be financial or enjoying
what they do or feeling pressure to perform or worry about losing their job or
worry about flares (so do more when they feel well) (see below re
repercussions).. Pacing, I would think is key.
Environement/work pressures vary.
One place I worked longterm, there were only 5 people and the workload kept
gorwing, the more we did, the more was expected. If any of us slacked, the
whole office suffered. Taking time off for sick or holiday, just resulted in
more stress, because the pils had to be addressed upon return and more
urgently.
In that place, the first weeks i was there the boss told me he'd never hired
anyone so old.
They were all in their early 30's. I was only 40 !! But he ribbed me for 7
years about that, so that puts a lot of pressure on to prove that a person can
do as good as the young'uns and I did.
Some people put pressure on themselves for perfection even in the home.
Others are more laissez faire and don't sweat the small stuff.
Some are slackers, just like in the real world.
Some push themselves so they won't be perceived as slackers.
It varies.
Try making dates with her to slow her down. A massage, a picnic, relief from
making dinner, an afternoon at the park or library, help with the laundry,
little things every day, make a big difference,but don't enable her to push
herself harder.

Yes, I think Bill answered that one.

Some people with lupus push themselves to the point of flares.
Others pace themselves. One friend of mine is like that. Another is the
reverse.
There's a few here like that. No matter what we say - they keep on going like
the energizer bunny.

Oh and what I see on this newsgroup, is many don't tell the worst that's
happening.
Maybe because they think others have it worse then they do and they don't want
to be perceived as whining?.
J

Thank you, folks, for such a nice welcome!  :-)  You are a wonderful bunch.

The Lupus Book will arrive on Wednesday.  I'll start there, and also read
over all the posts here.

I do have a question.  Do you ever push yourself too hard?  I ask because
she's mentioned how she needs to take it easy, but she works full time with
travel, and has been quite busy due to the holidays.  I wonder if she's
overdoing it.

I guess what I'm trying to ask is does lupus prevent you from overdoing it,
or can you fight back short term and then feel the repercussions later?  I
hope this makes sense...

Any way, thanks again for getting me started.  I really appreciate your
help!

- John

Hi,

I've recently started dating a wonderful woman who has lupus.  I don't know
much, so I'm turning to you folks to guide me to good information (web
sites, but especially books) that will help me understand her condition and
how to support her.

I hope you can help!  :-)

-- John