Hello John and welcome.
You're welcome to post and read here to get a sense of what the others cope
with from day to day.
I would think that would help you understand.
Each person's Lupus can vary somewhat, but one of the hallmarks is usually
extreme fatigue

From personal experience, seems like a healthy person often has a difficult
time accepting the word "no" (I can't do anymore, I have to lie down and
rest).  This can mean disappointments, cancellations or delays at doing
projects, going shopping or outings to have fun. Patience and support is
appreciated. (and probably having a backup plan to keep busy doing something
else, in the meantime, while the person with Lupus rests). I find that my lupus
friends tend to minimize (and often not say how bad it is), so keep your ears
and eyes open and try to be sensitive to her unspoken needs. I hope that
doesn't make it sound like you're being unappreciated and made to "jump through
hoops" to keep the relationship going. Sometimes, that just the way it is with
Lupus. If she works (outside the home), kudos to her. Lupus can be mild or very
severe and the goal is to prevent it from becoming the latter.
I'll leave it at that for now.

The Lupus Book: A Guide For Patients And Their Families
by Daniel J. Wallace 2005 Revised Edition would probably be a good investment.

Meantime there's some reading here http://www.ghg.net/schwerpt/ASLFAQ/index.htm

And if you have questions, please ask and jump in, any time, on any thread you
wish to.
Welcome again,
J

Hi,

I've recently started dating a wonderful woman who has lupus.  I don't know
much, so I'm turning to you folks to guide me to good information (web
sites, but especially books) that will help me understand her condition and
how to support her.

I hope you can help!  :-)

-- John