Thank you Rhonda for your kind words,
I am feeling better about some things. I went to the church's counselor and
we have a plan to help me with my self image and confidence.
I had my guitar lesson yesterday. My teacher has a plan too. We are going to
work up at least 5 pieces for me to play and then I am going to go around
the area hospitals and nursing homes a lunch time with him to get me used to
playing in front of people more. He said the more you do it the less it will
bother you. At least I will be able to hopefully help someone and share my
interest like I want to. He said playing in waiting rooms is very comforting
to the people there. Hope I can work out something at work to do it.

Shell shocked,
Paulette

Paulette,
Please don't give up on your playing. I'm still a newby to this site
but after looking back on your postings, sweetie, you've had alot
on your plate and Lupus is a very real medical condition not an
excuse. You know how it affects everything in your daily routine,
don't think for one minute it's not going to try to upstage your
performance. Maybe you should have added a repeat performance
of the triple-half-gainer you did over your guitar (back in July wasnt it?)
haha, just kidding--just tryin to cheer you up. You didnt let anyone
down, you just have high standards for yourself and maybe concentrating
way too hard, I hope you go to your practice session and loosen up and
play for yourself, don't judge yourself on this one performance, you'll
surely
have many good ones to look back on if you give yourself a chance. I'm sure
quite a few in that orchestra have had their share of oopsies that had them
mortified and I'm sure they were silently pushing you to keep going. The lord
has a very special place in heaven for people like you. Even though you've
been dealing with your own medical problems and stressing about this
performance, you took the time to care about my problems without knowing
much about me. The medical problems you have been having, I've had almost
identical problems myself, the sciatic (sp?) nerve problems and all. Yet I
wouldnt
have had the energy or drive to get up to perform what you did, on that I
applaud you.
You've been the same caring way with others on this site. You know you wont
be happy
if you stop playing---something that you obviously love to do----so let us
know how
practice goes and when we can expect your next upcoming events--we're all
behind
you!
Many hugs to you!
Rhonda

Don't mean to bring everyone down but the 11th was a bust. I froze on both
performances. I talked with my daughter which is used to performing under
pressure in front of people. She said that until I resolve some self-esteem
issues I will continue to have problems. I am really down right now. All
that practicing for naught. Right now I feel like I not only let the
orchestra down but the Lord as well. I am on the verge of just giving up
playing. I enjoy my guitar and want to share it with other people but maybe
it has to do with my lupus (not looking for excuses) but my heart was
beating out of my chest and my mind went blank in mid stream both times.
Right now it has ruined my Christmas. It will be hard to go to orchestra
practice tomorrow night.

Thank you for thinking about me.

Paulette :(

So it's the 11th Paulette and I'm betting you're all tuckered out.
Rest and we'll see you when you're feeling up to it.
Many hugs
J

Hello all,
Just needed to whine a little. Here I am having a performance on Wed (Dress
Rehearsal) and the real deal on Sunday, Dec. 11 with 2 performances.
And.... I have this pain/ache in my upper middle Shoulder area that is about
to get the best of me. It may be tension or a bad result of a massage I had
last Friday. Sometimes the pain radiates down the back side of my left arm
making it feel like my shoulder is out of socket. My chiropractor says that
she can fix me. 2 visits have not done it yet. Thank goodness I have good
insurance. Maybe it has to do with the additional practicing I'm doing. I
think it has to do with my computer desk job that I have only been doing 20
+ years. The only thing that will help is loritab and anti-inflammatory make
my ears ring. Thank goodness this is Friday. Go home and chill out.

Thanks for letting me rant,

Paulette