Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement.  I had a little talk with my
daughter-in-law (the forensic psychologist) yesterday.  Among other things,
she runs a Hep C support group at the state prison a short drive from here.
I'm lucky to have her, from both a personal and professional point of view.
She always helps to put things in perspective - hugs and kisses are a bonus
not too many shrink-type professionals can offer.
Though I realize all of your comments are right on target, it still bothers
me that I had to leave work when I should have been the one directing
emergency measures to keep that patient alive.  BTW, my Blood Bank staff did
a great job.  That patient is not completely out of the woods yet, but as of
yesterday he was still hanging in there.
My next adventure will be reviewing tx to date with the BCLD.  After 13
weeks my liver function tests are all looking pretty good - upper normal to
barely abnormal range.  WBC, Hgb and platelets all still low, but
manageable.  HCV PCR shows viral load is 16 copies/ml - much better than the
6+ million copies three months ago, but still not the "undetectable" result
I was expecting (the low range sensitivity of the test is < 10 ).  So, I'm
guessing that I will continue for another 12 weeks or so and check the VL
again.
In the meantime, the oncologist has decided to put off the lymph clusters
biopsies due the close proximity to the aorta and pancreas.    The plan is
to repeat the CT scan in 4 or 5 months to see if there is enlargement of the
supicious nodes.  So that whole deal is on hold at least until Winter.
The plan for this afternoon is to go pick up my grandson, the World War II
history expert, and do some target shooting with a few of his WWII-vintage
weapons.  I'm thinking we can line up some cans representing Nazi HCV
particles and blast the sh.t out of them.   Should be good therapy.     : )
Thom

To Elmo:
The Fugs, huh?  I don't think I've heard anything by them since a night at
the Bottom Line in NYC sometime is the 60's.  The closest I've come lately
is The Tubes "White Punks on Dope!"

Just googled Johnny and realized it's an old 'Fugs' tune I'd heard
decades ago.  I sanitized my post so as not to offend anyone, but if
anyone's interested in hearing the real thing, bet you can find it by
googling Johnny Pissoff.  It's a stoner!!

elmo
back to serious business

http://community.webtv.net/elmoemerson/DocElmosHepFile

http://community.webtv.net/elmoemerson/TheFamilyAlbum

Apologies for the top-post, but by now everyone has read your message.

Thom, I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time with Round II, and I
wish I could say something encouraging, enlightening, comforting, or at
least something to put some saliva in your mouth. Ahh, yes, the lovely
sides... perhaps you remember that I once suggested to my g.p. that he do a
hit of interferon and then, the next day, tell me that it's "just flu-like
symptoms and there's no reason for me to not be working." That was 24 weeks
of regular ole Pegetron, not the Big Guns that you're doing and not for
nearly as long. I can't imagine how awful you must feel. Really, no one
understands unless they've done this sh.t, and no one understands how hard
the sides can be for someone else. I can only hope that you manage to get
through your second "tour" though, because the reward at the end is
unbelievably wonderful, to be free of the virus and to feel your health
improving every day, to a point that you feel better than you can remember.
The best of all is that you would never have had the appreciation of the joy
of a day healthy, and you would never have learned that all the petty crap
that used to break your heart doesn't matter at all in the big picture. In
the words of Kinne Starr, "praise for being alive on this planet." As weird
as this sounds, I am thankful that I got hepatitis c, thankful that I was
strong enough to complete the treatment, and especially thankful that it
worked. I hope that you are as fortunate. Did I ever tell you that you were
a huge help to me when I was active on this group, doing treatment? Probably
not, but now's a good time... thanks, bud, I appreciate it because you
helped me get through it, I couldn't have done it alone.

Now stop beating yourself up for leaving work early. Instead, beat yourself
up for feeling guilty or for going to work in the first place. If your gig
is so fragile that there's no one there to back you up, find another job--  
that kind of responsibility is crazy-making, healthy or not. You're not a
wimp and you're not a whiner, you're an intelligent, strong man with a solid
medical background who knows what kind of psychological curves your tx will
throw at you. Don't forget that, and don't forget why you're doing this.
Just one more week. Just one more week. Just one more week. Keep telling
yourself that, every week, and you will get through this.

If you're having a rough time, or a boring evening, or you just feel like
venting, feel free to email me at myrwin (at) dccnet (dot) com

Spidey

Hi folks,
Just checking in.  I haven't had the energy or inclination to participate in
much of anything the past couple of months.  Mostly just coming home from
work and going to bed.
This is week 14 (out of 72 total) and for the first time I'm having doubts
about whether or not I really want to complete round 2 of tx.  This time
around the sides are much worse than before.  I feel like sh.t all the time,
and like sh.t warmed over for 3 or 4 days after my injection.  Dried up tear
ducts, eczema and the old familiar itchy riba rash are back.  Of course the
usual shortness of breath, R upper quadrant pain and GI spasms don't help
much either.
I guess this was to be expected with the increased dosage this time - 210
mcg Peg-Intron and 1600 mg Riba daily.
I'm a bit worried that it has started to affect me in other ways as well.
Today I left work a couple of hours early.  I passed off responsibility for
transfusing and coordinating emergency measures for a patient with a massive
GI bleed secondary
to a severe coagulopathy.  Thank God my senior Blood Bank tech was there to
take over.  In the past 30+ years I have never left work under those
conditions before.  I feel like I ran out on the patient and my staff.  But
I also knew (thought) that I needed to get away from the hospital right
away.  I don't know what I'd do if my intermittent brain fog led to a
miscalculation for a patient.  God, I hate this!
When I think of Elmo, Thomas and several others in the ng who have endured
multiple rounds of tx I feel like a whimp.  Oh well, only six more days
until shot #14.  I can hardly wait!  Sorry for the mini-rant, but if I can't
vent with you guys I'd just be screaming in the dark......
Thom