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Medical Forum / General / Vision / October 2006How do I talk to a cross-eyed boss?
I have a new boss who is cross-eyed. I always look at people in the eye when I talk to them. But when I talk to this man, my eyes get tired quickly. What's a good way to handle this? Right now I look at his mouth and his teeth, but I don't want him to think I'm disrespectful. I need for him to know I'm looking at him in the eye. Anybody have any suggestions for how to handle a cross-eyed person? In nearly all cases of eye misalignment one eye is dominant. It will be the eye that is directed at you when you speak. It may be best to determine which eye is dominant and always look at that eye. As a personal comment, congrats to you for being conscientious and caring enough to go to the trouble of reaching out to this forum to find an answer that will benefit your colleague with respect. Glenn Hagele Executive Director USAEyes.org Patient Advocacy Surgeon Certification "Consider and Choose With Confidence" Email to glenn dot hagele at usaeyes dot org http://www.USAEyes.org http://www.ComplicatedEyes.org I am not a doctor. Copyright 2006 All Rights Reserved I agree. Always look at the non-deviating eye. If he alternates, alternate with him, so you are always looking at "him". You have to supress the tendency to look at the deviating eye, or worse yet, to look toward wherever that deviating eye is looking... w.stacy, o.d. > In nearly all cases of eye misalignment one eye is dominant. It will > be the eye that is directed at you when you speak. It may be best to > determine which eye is dominant and always look at that eye. >I agree. Always look at the non-deviating eye. If he alternates, >alternate with him, so you are always looking at "him". You have to [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] >> be the eye that is directed at you when you speak. It may be best to >> determine which eye is dominant and always look at that eye. Thanks for your prompt responses. Unfortunately, I really can't tell which eye is dominant/non-deviating (and I don't know if it's a good idea to ask the man). His eyes seem to move together well, by that I mean the distance between them is the always the same, but one is obviously off-axis, and trying to look at them gives me a headache! Is there a spot on the nose or maybe between the eyebrows somewhere that I can look at so his brain will fool him into thinking I am looking at him in the eye? This may be a novel approach and would depend upon your boss, but ask. I'm sure he has spent most of his life explaining his situation. Saying that you want to be sure that you want to show respect and always want to look at him when you talk would IMO show consideration. Glenn Hagele Executive Director USAEyes.org Patient Advocacy Surgeon Certification "Consider and Choose With Confidence" Email to glenn dot hagele at usaeyes dot org http://www.USAEyes.org http://www.ComplicatedEyes.org I am not a doctor. Copyright 2006 All Rights Reserved >This may be a novel approach and would depend upon your boss, but ask. >I'm sure he has spent most of his life explaining his situation. >Saying that you want to be sure that you want to show respect and >always want to look at him when you talk would IMO show consideration. I have to say that if anyone asked me which eye was a prosthesis and which they should look at, I'd be mortified. Just picking one and looking at it is fine. Many people only look at one eye anyway. Ann > <glenn.hageleSTOPSPAM@USAEyes.org> wrote: > >>This may be a novel approach and would depend upon your boss, but ask. >>I'm sure he has spent most of his life explaining his situation. >>Saying that you want to be sure that you want to show respect and >>always want to look at him when you talk would IMO show consideration. I used to know a salesman BOTH of whose eyes looked off over my shoulder when he talked to me. I got used to it, although the urge to turn around to see what the guy was staring at was always there. > I have to say that if anyone asked me which eye was a prosthesis and > which they should look at, I'd be mortified. Why on earth would it bother you? I would think it would be a compliment to your eye-maker if people couldn't tell. I used to know a woman whose eye was made by the same people who made Sandy Duncan's eye and I couldn't tell which one it was. She had no problem talking about it (a glass eye was the least of her worries as she died of brain cancer) and it was pretty interesting. > Just picking one and > looking at it is fine. Many people only look at one eye anyway. Look at people in movies who are talking to someone whose head is only a few feet away -- their eyes are generally flicking back and forth.  SignatureCheers, Bev =+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+= "The object in life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to be insane in such a useful way that they can't commit you." -- Mark Edwards >> <glenn.hageleSTOPSPAM@USAEyes.org> wrote: >> [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] >when he talked to me. I got used to it, although the urge to turn >around to see what the guy was staring at was always there. People do that to me sometimes. I try to look directly at people so that I know I'm looking at them straight but when I see them glance off I know that I haven't quite succeeded and I adjust. >> I have to say that if anyone asked me which eye was a prosthesis and >> which they should look at, I'd be mortified. [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] >it (a glass eye was the least of her worries as she died of brain >cancer) and it was pretty interesting. My eye looks bad at the moment anyway so I doubt anyone would need to ask but someone I know well can ask whatever they like, but someone I hardly know or only know in a working relationship should keep quiet! There aren't many glass eyes out there by the way, most are acrylic. Ann >>> <glenn.hageleSTOPSPAM@USAEyes.org> wrote: >>> [quoted text clipped - 32 lines] > whatever they like, but someone I hardly know or only > know in a working relationship should keep quiet! I disagree. In this case it sounds like the person is cross eyed and not with a prosthetic (although that may be the case). It should be treated and addressed as a logistical problem and not pretend it doesn't exist. I think a prosthetic eye is a different matter. This is more like having a worker in a wheel chair on an upper floor and having a plan in case of fire drills. Give it some time to see if you can determine if your boss might be sensitive about this or not. I would expect your boss to broach the subject. If they don't, that may say something... Then again they may use it to keep people off guard and unsettled. If it effects your communicating with your boss then you should bring it up. Couch it as your problem. -Quick >I have a new boss who is cross-eyed. I always look at people in the > eye when I talk to them. But when I talk to this man, my eyes get > tired quickly. What's a good way to handle this? Right now I look at > his mouth and his teeth, but I don't want him to think I'm > disrespectful. I need for him to know I'm looking at him in the eye. > Anybody have any suggestions for how to handle a cross-eyed person? Well, as a suggestion, you could look average it out by looking at a spot directly between the eyes. If you continue to look at his teeth, he will probably leave early to floss. Don W. |
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