I recovered from a suicidally psychotic depression untreatable with weekly
adjustments, wide variations, and large doses of perphenazine and amitriptyline
within two weeks of starting Zyprexa early in 2001. This was precipitated by
the death of my first lover, my primary partner's sister. I could not attend
the funeral.

Two weeks after starting Zyprexa I worked out a new kind of video transmission
which is on my web space at AOL, using Mathcad. You'll read my Usenet posts
between September 21, 2000, and early in 2001 and see the change, using Google
Groups. Just search under dgoncz@ and any date range or terms that pop up.

I lost weight during the depression and acheived a heart-healthy 155 pounds but
lost muscle mass. On Zyprexa, I gained to 230 pounds and demanded a change. I
was morbidly obese and that was abhorrent to me. We changed to Geodon, then
Abilify, and now I am the freakin' Abilify poster child. No know side effects
with my use of this drug.

On Geodon, I lost 10 pounds a month for three months, and was everybody's
friend. Started eating healthy food too, a practice I continue. When psychosis
improves, judgement and diet choice improve.

Ultimately exercise and diet are choices, efforts of ultimate will for
schizophrenics experiencing disorientation, hyperacuity, paranoia, mistrust,
and a host of other symptoms. So is medication.

I really had to squeak my wheel to get off Zyprexa.

The novel (atypical) antipsychotics are to be preferred to the major
tranquilizers in many cases. They relieve many of the negative symptoms of
psychosis as well as the positive symptoms. I owe the Zyprexa start to my
friend, a doctor, who happened across a Usenet post of mine and wrote me an
email.

She's a trauma surgeon. She flew out to her friend in PA, visited us here, made
dinner for us, and told me about the atypicals. This totally changed my life. I
don't know if she read the content of my writing, so pained at the time, or
just tripped over a post, one of more than 7,000, and clicked on my email.

We detected impaired glucose tolerance but not diabetes after switching to
Geodon,  benign prostatic hypertrophy before, and hypogonadism after. Zprexa
causes hyperprolactinemia, too. More choices. Right now, I am facing kidney
stones with Topamax for mood regulation. We'll see how that works out. I'm
going to have to eat less protien and drink more water.

Treatment, even if it's just talk therapy, beats killing yourself. I had a
yellow rope around my waist, ostensibly to rescue someone with should they fall
into the water. I didn't have the self-esteem to wear a conventional belt. That
was my cover story, some Boy Scout fantasy. I never stood on the landing with
the rope, but I did imagine roping my neck and jumping eight feet to break my
neck and dangle. The imaging was so clear I could really see it happening. At
that point I figured I could use some inpatient time and got some help.

After starting Geodon, my father died. I was still losing weight. I was able to
reassure him that I would not let his death ruin my life. I told him I wouldn't
let the last thing he did on earth be *hurt his son*. I was able to hold his
hand and speak to him at the viewing, something many cannot do. I was able to
stand and speak at the funeral. I was able to socialize at the reception. I was
just barely able to help carry his coffin. Just barely made it into the group.
After the burial I circulated his flag case for visitors to sign. My mother has
it.

I wouldn't have even been able to do any of that without atypicals. Postmortem
greif therapy helped a lot, too. Oops, that's "grief", not "greif". I always
write that way. I really had to squeak for that, too.

Now, I am exploring alternative therapies and have made an appointment for my
first student massage at the massage therapy training center near here, on my
birthday, and expect to continue to enjoy nearly side-effect-free temporary
relief from anxiety and depression there monthly at a cost of $35/hour session
or less.

I've gone from sliding scale to insured status at the community mental health
center, and now am looking to leave them to be a patient in a practice that
does not have a sliding scale. Certain minimum standards will be expected.
Making appointments is no problem. Advocating for my concerns as a consumer and
maintaining a non-psychiatric condition of grooming, hygeine, appearance, and
behavior will be great challenges.

The consumer model of health care really is the ticket as far as I am
concerned. If Zyprexa isn't for you, you can always refuse treatment with it.
Of course, some of us schizophrenics are in more extreme conditions. I just
completed a trial of liquid Abilify, just a taste taste. The prospect of
pediatric use or the need in a patient who is desperately psychotic for such a
fast kinetic horrifies me, but I participated and gave my opinion, and earned
$250, turning my disability into an earning ability.

This is getting rather long, but I can say that the consumer model is
unavoidable and appropriate. Even a pediatric patient has some ability to
choose.

For me, it's like this. I *may* be a schizophrenic, I can't even be sure about
it, due to the trust issues, but I certainly don't have to go around looking,
acting, or smelling like one if I choose not to. And atypicals have helped me.
Everybody has some hard choices to make.

I tolerance everything and tolerate everyone.
I love: Dona, Jeff, Kim, Kimmie, Mom, Neelix, Tasha, and Teri, alphabetically.
I drive: A double-step Thunderbolt with 657% range.
I fight terrorism by: Using less gasoline.