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Medical Forum / General / Nutrition / June 2005Help with 'stingy' in money for food friend
During the last month I've been dating Jen who's really thin. When I commented about how thin she was she mentioned she was not anorexic but it was just her metabolism. I accepted this fact til for some reason I started to talk about eating with someone who works with her; he mentioned Jen does not eat anything at work but the free coffee; but he commented that she eats massive amounts of food during dinners or other activities they make. He was feeling so worried about her that wanted to do something; anyways, he was really happy to talk to me about it. The same happens when we are together; when we eat at my house or make group activities she eats lots, lots. We never ate at her apt. because, according her, she does not feel confortable with her roomates. Based on this and other facts her coworker and me got to the conclusion that she does not want to spend money in food! or maybe she's lazy? I've seen her behavior when spending money and she is just too 'stingy' although she makes good money at work and should have enough left for food and other things. I feel I need to talk to her about it because it also concerns me as she's been living from me and never spends any money. She's only 21 and I'm 29. I do have confidence with her and can talk about anything. I just don't know how to tell; any suggestions? how would do approach the situation? Thank you for your input! Dan That is a VERY tough situation. I know someone like that who is almost 57 and they have been thru 4 marriages and several relationships... hers is a fear of spending disease and who she can get over disease. She also makes good money and has saved well over 2 million $$s. Unless you are willing to accept this or she changes, it is going to be very difficult not to eventually feel resentful in some way down the road no matter how great she is otherwise. Peggy > During the last month I've been dating Jen who's really thin. When I > commented about how thin she was she mentioned she was not anorexic [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > > Dan If it were me, I would really keep her at a distance. It is my first impression that she wants something for nothing. If not, then I wonder what she is REALLY spending her money on. Either way, it could be a real headache! Dan Warren <lameNOSPAMvas@yahoo.com> wrote in article <ivg4a11nls4d2a2t08t5413ki7kfj71kug@4ax.com>... > During the last month I've been dating Jen who's really thin. When I > commented about how thin she was she mentioned she was not anorexic [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > > Dan > Based on this and other facts her coworker and me got to the > conclusion that she does not want to spend money in food! or maybe > she's lazy? I've seen her behavior when spending money and she is just > too 'stingy' although she makes good money at work and should have > enough left for food and other things. Who is crazier, you or your girl friend? The mostly likely scenario, is that she, as a female, thinks ultra thin is sexy. And, she probably pukes while you are not looking. Even if you think that she is just cheap, feed her at your home regularly and she if she gains any weight. Are you cheap? > During the last month I've been dating Jen who's really thin. When I > commented about how thin she was she mentioned she was not anorexic [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > > Dan She sounds bulimic - binges on food and then throws it all up. I'm not sure what it has to do with being frugal or stingy. She may be "cheap" and "stingy" but that's a separate (although maybe connected) issue from bulimia or an eating disorder. Jeanne First of all, you're dating a thin 21 year old, so you got that goin' for ya. But seriously, back in college I dated a girl who, though not super-thin, had a low BMI and was quite athletic. After dating for some time I finally pried and asked about why she also went to the bathroom after we ate. It took a LOT for her to admit to being bullemic (sp ?). She had zero self-esteem which had been caused over the years by her cold, almost cruel parents. I'd met her parents, you could chill a beer on them. Critical, sarcastic, unloving. Totally rambling here, but something like 99% of girls with eating disorders are white. Black girls don't generally engage in such self-destructive behavior. "Society" demands white girls be thin. When Jessica Simpson signed with Sony records they made her lose weight; she was already perfect. Look at Mary Kate and Ashley, they each have a hundred million bucks and can do anything the please for the rest of their lives, yet they look like POW's. Contrast them to, say, the Williams sisters. > First of all, you're dating a thin 21 year old, so you got that goin' > for ya. [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > weight; she was already perfect. Look at Mary Kate and Ashley, they > each have a hundred million bucks and can do anything the please for i think it's more like 500 mil each. >During the last month I've been dating Jen who's really thin. When I >commented about how thin she was she mentioned she was not anorexic [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > >Dan Check out whether she's suffering from an allergy to a major food-type, e.g. a range of grains. Ask if she's checked this out with her local doctor. If that is the case, then her stomach is simply rejecting the nourishment, before passing the food partly-digested through the colon. My daughter's BF has an analogous complaint, and he simply avoids the food his digestive-tract doesn't bother to handle. But physical or psychological, she _does_ need help. 'Time is a great teacher. Unfortunately it kills all its pupils.' -- Hector Berlioz 'Almanach des lettres françaises' Pete Turk <Pete@ragtag.demon.co.uk> ICQ# 11981084 RFA President and Moonshadow -- May your doorstep ever be dirty. -- Romany blessing > During the last month I've been dating Jen who's really thin. When I > commented about how thin she was she mentioned she was not anorexic [quoted text clipped - 22 lines] > anything. I just don't know how to tell; any suggestions? how would > do approach the situation? Are you saying she's living with you? (I don't know what "living from me" means) and have only been dating a month? The real problem is major cross-posting and a new, zero history nic/addy. The summer troll season has begun. >Are you saying she's living with you? (I don't know what "living from >me" means) and have only been dating a month? > >The real problem is major cross-posting and a new, zero history >nic/addy. The summer troll season has begun. First of all, thank you all for your input. No, she's not living with me; as I said in my message, she eats lots of *everything* when she comes to visit; we have never eaten at her place. And no, I'm not a troll and this is really serious for me and specially for her. The crossposting is because the explanation could be in the subject of one or many of these groups. Thank you again all! >During the last month I've been dating Jen who's really thin. When I >commented about how thin she was she mentioned she was not anorexic [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] >but he commented that she eats massive amounts of food during dinners >or other activities they make. Who is paying for the food at these activities? >The same happens when we are together; when we eat at my house or make >group activities she eats lots, lots. Who pays for the food during these "group activities?" Most groups who go out to eat together usually get separate checks, contribute their share of the bill, or take turns buying for the entire group. Has Jen ever paid for her (share of the) food? >Based on this and other facts her coworker and me got to the >conclusion that she does not want to spend money in food! Could be. >I feel I need to talk to her about it because it also concerns me as >she's been living from me and never spends any money. Hmm... Sounds like an extreme case of Golddiggeritis. :) >I do have confidence with her and can talk about >anything. I just don't know how to tell Don't you think you have enough evidence already? If she never EVER spends her own money on anything when you are together, it's time to kick that bitch to the curb!  SignatureSince the guy in the next car is capable of anything, shouldn't the same be true of your car? >>During the last month I've been dating Jen who's really thin. When I >>commented about how thin she was she mentioned she was not anorexic [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Who is paying for the food at these activities? Sorry to piggyback, but the newsreader doesn't carry the posts from last week. Dan Warren, why are you going behind your 'girlfriend's' back and talking about her eating habits, when if you really cared about her, you would be talking to her face to face? I don't think merely not eating at work constitutes an eating disorder. Is there something you're not telling us? >>The same happens when we are together; when we eat at my house or make >>group activities she eats lots, lots. [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > > Hmm... Sounds like an extreme case of Golddiggeritis. :) If so, then why is he turning this into a health matter and posting this to nutrition and depression newsgroups? Wait a second - she doesn't live with you, has her own job and yet lives 'from you' but doesn't have enough to eat. I don't know....sounds like a drug addict or something. But then again, if she were a drug addict, maybe she wouldn't be able to go to her job, would she? And how do you happen to know what she eats and how she spends her money? For someone who has been dating her only a short while, you seem both a little too concerned and a little too over-possessive. I don't know - the whole thing does not add up. >>I do have confidence with her and can talk about >>anything. I just don't know how to tell Tell her what? You are already talking with her co-worker behind her back. That's unethical at the very least. Tell me - I'm curious as to why you know so much about how she spends her money and what she eats. Why is she 'living from you' when, as you said, she makes good money? How DO you know how 'stingy' she is? I mean, if I had a boyfriend who was monitoring my personal expenditures and concerning himself with my eating habits to the point of going behind my back about it, I might be very careful about disclosing how I spent my money, too. This sort of surveillance could be construed the wrong way and you could be headed for a restraining order. I know I'd certainly be disturbed if my significant other were 'concerning' himself with my consumer habits like this. Next time you have a real interpersonal problem like this, why don't you try counseling, or face to face communication like normal people do. How do you think your girlfriend would feel if you were talking about her alleged problems with everyone but you? > Don't you think you have enough evidence already? If she never EVER > spends her own money on anything when you are together, it's time to > kick that bitch to the curb! Either he should or she should, unless they have one of those 24-and-7 contractual agreements wherein he pays for the privilege of monitoring her food intake and spending habits. I don't know, the whole story is illogical, but maybe the OP will come back and refine his points so we can get a clearer picture of what is going on. > Next time you have a real interpersonal > problem like this, why don't you try [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > if you were talking about her > alleged problems with everyone but you? oh please, all kinds of normal people write in to people (think "goaskalice.com") to talk about their relationship worries or problems. It's not a big deal at all to do so. >>Next time you have a real interpersonal >>problem like this, why don't you try [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > "goaskalice.com") to talk about their relationship worries or problems. > It's not a big deal at all to do so. You think it's normal to talk about your girlfriend's problems on a public board? You think it's normal to indicate that you've gone behind her back to check on her eating and spending habits? I love how you snipped and disregarded most of my questions. How long is this going to go on? They've been using the same tactics on Usenet for fifteen years, and they -never- adapt. They just misrepresent, snip, and deny. And you can forget about logic. I'll assume that you know something about the original poster. Otherwise, you wouldn't be coming out of nowhere, snipping 80% of my post and misrepresenting its content. With google groups in mind as a context, the 'snip' is a favorite tactic of the disingenuous. They are hoping that the casual reader will only read one or two particular posts and disregard the entire argument. Only problem is, I don't have the peanut gallery in mind here, so your snipping is futile. Apparently you think google groups is the only record of Usenet out there. > >>Next time you have a real interpersonal > >>problem like this, why don't you try [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > You think it's normal to talk about your girlfriend's > problems on a public board? I don't think it's all that uncommon at all. > You think it's normal to indicate that you've gone > behind her back to check on her eating and spending > habits? If you suspect something might be WRONG, yet you don't want to be confrontational, HOW IS THAT NOT NORMAL? What else would he do if he didn't want to confront her...he probably realizes his hypothesis could be wrong. > I love how you snipped and disregarded most of > my questions. [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] > particular posts and disregard the entire > argument. People who use the traditional newsreaders snip all the time as well. > Only problem is, I don't have the peanut > gallery in mind here, so your snipping is > futile. > > Apparently you think google groups is > the only record of Usenet out there. No, I realize there are many records out there. |
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