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Medical Forum / General / General / December 2005Death and Life in Residency
Psychiatric News August 5, 2005 Residents' Forum Death and Life in Residency Natalie Gluck, M.D. Natalie Gluck, M.D., is a PGY-4 resident at the New York University School of Medicine. A couple of weeks into my third year of residency, just as I was beginning to acquaint myself with a large and daunting caseload of outpatients, my father died. Without warning, I went from navigating another day in the clinic to making travel plans and funeral arrangements. My life as a resident would have to be put on hold. When I received the devastating phone call on that balmy afternoon, my immediate response-thanks to a ready reserve of ego defenses-was to agonize over my patients. How would a sudden, unexplained departure affect a group of people already traumatized by the recent changeover of doctors? How could I gracefully maneuver through all of the phone calls without sounding panicked or betraying my veil of neutrality? I was stuck in a quagmire of technical questions, the answers to which were not easily found in a Glen Gabbard textbook... http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/40/15/32?maxtoshow=&HITS=20&hits =20&RESULTFORMAT=&searchid=1133756562614_8222&stored_search=&FIRSTINDEX=0&tocsec tionid=Residents*&displaysectionid=Residents%27+Forum&journalcode=psychnews Dear Natalie Gluck, M.D. A PGY-4 resident at the New York University School of Medicine. Your colleagues at Bellevue can EAT THEIR OWN sh.t. I was tied down to a gurney, forcibly sedated, when I attempted to communicate the fact that I was sexually abused by NYU Medical Center professionals, and when I attempted to ensure that abuse information was included in my medical records. My name is Virginia H. Hooper. I live in New York City. And YES, I reported this FACT to New York City Office of Protective Services Last week. My name is Virginia H. Hooper. I live in New York City. "Through the tribulations of residency, I've battled self-doubt and uncertainty. But even as I weather sadness and anger, I realize that most of my patients are doing well, and a few have even gotten better. And like my father-himself a physician who devoted much of his life to the practice of medicine-I continue to derive satisfaction from my work. My dad would have been proud." Oh Wow! They got better? I am so proud you continue to derive satisfaction from you work. May your dear dad rest in peace. Virginia H. Hooper "How would a sudden, unexplained departure affect a group of people already traumatized by the recent changeover of doctors?" ~ Natalie Gluck, M.D. Just scream ~ GET YOUR OWN DAMN SELF OUT OF IT ~ ! Tell them they can't anything Well enough alone. Say ~ GET OFF MY f.cking CASE. Just tell them You have much better things to do. Say ~ GET A f.cking LIFE ~ ! I hope that helps. My name is Virginia H. Hooper. I live in New York City. Or conversely, An Alternative Colleague Approach ~ Pretend it never happened. Say ~ You just THINK that happened. Or conversely, An Alternative Colleague Approach ~ Pretend it never happened. Say ~ You just THINK that happened. Say ~ O, you are time traveling, you say, O, you think you are dead, you query, O, you hallucinated First Abuser Was murdered, or committed suicide, O, you call me hysterical 11 pm, Leave an emergency message, begging Me to call you, To assure you a murder or suicide Has not transpired, as a result of your Finger Pointing ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> And you are trembling, shaking, loosing your mind, For fear you caused This Death Because you caused your own Father's Suicide by your very own words Spoken to him 5 minutes before he shot himself In the head dead, when you were 13. And you call back at midnight, Once again leaving an emergency message, once Again begging in anguish for me to let you know You have not caused a Murder or Death By your Psychic Powers of Finger Pointing ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> But still, I refuse To call you back to allay your fear, Which has begun to rattle you body, And blind your sight ~ And you look around, desperate for a weapon, Anything to kill yourself Because you cannot bear to cause another Pain. And the feeling is TOO REAL Because ALL DAY you have hallucinated Silver Threads Suspended from the sky And ALL DAY you have hear the Police Radio Frequency in your ears Because you now are privy To Channel Z Without an antennae. And ALL DAY you saw a bloody dead body Slaughtered, bloody sheets, and mutilated face, And you do not know if that bloody Is your own, Dead by your own hand, And now you are free of your body, Free of your Life But you are lingering invisibly In the shrill shattered tattered air, Attempting to unravel Facts. Who died? Who's mutilated body resides in the garbage Bag slumped in the corner, Who used that rusty butcher knife Lying on a pile of books, An Antique ... And midnight passes, And I refuse to return your calls For days ... For days ... For days ... And you move on, Toward Coherency, toward A Sensible Resolution Of what has happened ... Dead. Peace. Calm. This empty home Still receives you. Rest. The Old Life Has passed. You are somewhere else. That is certain. That is certain. That is certain. That is certain. That is certain. That is certain. That is certain. That is certain. That is certain. That is certain. That is certain. That is certain. That is certain. That is certain. That is certain. That is certain. Death In Residence. You are swimming in air ~ You are no longer solid body ~ You are waving particles underwater ~ You are a sensuous swirl of silver slithering through air ~ You are swimming through another life And another And another And another ~ >From Westchester pool to Westhchester back yard pool ~ Because there are Gaps of Knowldege You need. "How would a sudden, unexplained departure affect a group of people already traumatized by the recent changeover of doctors?" ~ Natalie Gluck, M.D. "What's the matter ~ No one explained the Chair's Absence ~ ?" ~ Folly Dear Natalie Gluck, M.D. A PGY-4 resident at the New York University School of Medicine. Your colleagues at Bellevue can EAT THEIR OWN sh.t. A Word for The Un Wise ~ Count yourself fortunate, You are among colleagues and friends Who understand. You graduated high school. You graduated medical school. You landed a fine residency. You made it through 3 years. You came back. You got published before age 30. I had none of that. I had no one. Sincerely, Virginia H. hooper "O, what of the mournful sorrow, Song silenced by sorrow's arrow, Grave grief of the little sand crab ~ Who's loss lingers, knows no door Open, after the dreadful end, Where once was love, now thrice lost, A single grey glove, bottom drawer, As dice tossed, all loss, but sacred Song still stings, voice of forsaken One ~ Dead mother's grey glove left alone To grieve, loved one taken, shaken, As Twittering, too, found herself Trembling, numbering odd gloves, Dusty drawers, dog ~ eared photographs, No idea who these sepia ~ Toned people may be." ~ Folly But I had Independence, Among my lonliness, more than many ~ Of no minor importance. |
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