Hi Andrew,

thanks.

However, I never accused her of not caring enough of me, Andrew, rather
that she would "care too much", that she did not know where she ended
and where I begin.  She smothered me in "love" and control, which was
very painful for me. Like all people, I had the right to make my own
decisions, which she was not willing to accept.

If the black propaganda against Scientology esp. in Germany would have
not been so huge, she would have not suffered that much, but when
Scientology haters and weirdos are telling her that I won't go in
heaven as a Scio and that she has to "save" me, it could not end in
peace. I found out that many of the painful things she did to me
(including deprogramming) was done by her because somebody put the crap
in her head that God does not accept Scientologists. When I found out
about it, I just shook my head. As God would have a little creepy
suppressive mean character. If God would be a Bavarian psych, yes, he
would act like that, but as he isn't, I sure have nothing to fear at
all.

Because of her failing health, during the last years, I stopped arguing
with her. I wrote her nice letters and was nice at the telephone. I
never brought SCN up to not make her any stress. As far as I am
concerned, I gave her all the peace that she wanted during the last
several years.

That I can't be with her during her final hours isn't my fault. If she
would have not worked with the fanatical German government to
"deprogram" from SCN, I never had to flee the country and could have
taken care of her.

But she is not alone, my sister, Melli and my brother are with her.

My sister is very sad, my brother and Melli are not happy at the
moment, and I console them as good as I can. Rosemarie would have not
approved but I told Melli that Rosemarie will be born again, that she
will soon be a baby. And Melli felt a lot better about what I told her.

I am not happy either about Rosemarie's life or she dying, but I still
wish, I never would have met her. I felt sorry for Rosemarie much of
her life, but I often had to fight her off, because she was so
possessive and did not give me the air to breath. It was often as if
Rosemarie had inner daemons who did not let her become happy and she
interpreted that she can't be jut happy if I live my life exactly as
she wanted but not as I wanted.

There were times in my life when I wished her dead, but these times are
long gone. During the last years she just was a shadow of the all
overpowering personality that she once was, and as she was penalized
with a body so full of pain during the last years, I decided to not
contribute to any pain, and I was as nice and caring as I possibly
could. I wrote her once a week and called her once a week, and never
poured rain on her.

Barbara Schwarz

Yes, Brick, I know Rosemarie for many years, and despite she tried
passionately to make somebody else out of me when she was younger, I
never wished her any pain.

She is still alert as she refused morphine but in a lot of pain. She
constantly says: "I have so good children, I have so good children..."
I sure would have wished she would have said that sooner in life.

It is not easy, I am not even in the mood to battle around with Garry
Scarff at the moment.

Although I know as a Scientologist that the thetan survives and just
the body dies, it is nevertheless hard to hear the reports of her
suffering and slipping away. It will be easier when she has left the
body, as that means that the physical pain is gone and that the person
is relieved.

The leading doctor of that hospital says that he thinks she will not
survive the weekend, and the nurses say that they hope is goes qickly.

Some arrived here, the sun is shining here. So you managed quite well.

Thanks,

However, again to all of you: think twice before you take regularly
pills. Rosemarie's liver cancer just could have come from asthma
medication, and I assume that other chemical pills are not much better.

Barbara Schwarz    

Absoluter Nonsense, die paranoid-schizophrene Psychobarbie hat sich
selbst in diese imaginäre Situation manövriert. Dazu kommt, dass sie mit
ihrem Verhalten und der Verweigerung medizinisch notwendiger Hilfe ihre
Familie fortwährend kompromittiert.

Das Tragische ist doch, dass Psychobarbie den Vorfall benutzt um ihre
Paranoia auszuleben mit unhaltbaren Beschuldigungen und abstrusen
Behauptungen.

Was den Leberkrebs betrifft, Tatsache ist:
<...>
Weil Leberkrebs meistens erst im fortgeschrittenen Stadium zu
Beschwerden wie Gelbsucht, Appetitlosigkeit und/oder Schmerzen führt,
wird die Diagnose erst spät gestellt. Eine Operation, welche die
Therapie der Wahl darstellt, ist dann nur noch bei 5-30% der Patienten
möglich. Mit verschiedenen lokalen Behandlungsmethoden können zusätzlich
einzelne Krebsherde in der Leber zerstört werden. Die Prognose bei
Leberkrebs ist eher ungünstig.

Als primärer Leberkrebs werden bösartige (maligne) Tumoren bezeichnet,
die aus lebereigenen Zellen entstehen. Andere Bezeichnungen sind
Leberzellkarzinom und hepatozelluläres Karzinom (HCC).
Auch Krebsgeschwülste, die aus den Zellen der Gallengänge entstehen
(Gallengangskarzinom; Cholangiokarzinom) werden zu den primären
Leberkrebs-Arten gerechnet.

Viel häufiger als der primäre Leberkrebs ist der sekundäre Leberkrebs.
Dabei handelt es sich um Tochtergeschwülste (Metastasen) von Tumoren,
die zunächst an anderer Stelle des Körpers entstanden sind, und sich
dann auf die Leber ausgebreitet haben. Ihre Behandlung entspricht der
des ursprünglichen Krebs und ist in diesem Text nicht dargestellt.

Die Entstehungsursachen von Leberzellkrebs sind noch nicht endgültig
geklärt. Eine Voraussetzung für das Auftreten ist wahrscheinlich die
dauerhafte Schädigung der Leberzellen durch Entzündungen. Über 80% der
Leberkrebse entstehen auf dem Boden einer Leberzirrhose (narbige
Leberschrumpfung). Umgekehrt erkranken fünf Prozent der
Leberzirrhosepatienten pro Jahr an einem Leberzellkrebs.

Das Risiko für Leberkrebs ist erhöht durch:

   * chronische Hepatitis-B- oder Hepatitis-C-Infektion
   * alkoholbedingte Leberzirrhose
   * Vergiftung mit Aflatoxin (Gift des Pilzes Aspergillus flavus, der
     auf Getreide, Erdnüssen und anderen Nahrungsmitteln bei feuchtem
     Klima wächst)
   * Hämochromatose (krankhafte Eisenspeicherung im Organismus)
   * Einnahme von Androgenen und Östrogenen
   * Mangel an Alpha1-Antitrypsin, einem körpereigenen Eiweiß
   * Thorotrast, ein nicht mehr verwendetes Röntgenkontrastmittel
   * Vergiftungen mit Vinylchlorid (Monomer des PVC) und Arsen.

Peter

I am aware of that, Sunsurfer. Thanks for you words.

Barbara

Thanks buiscuit, but I don't need a support group. I am a
Scientologist, I know what happened after death and that Rosemarie will
have a new and healthy body soon. However, I wish her all the best but
I also hope that I never will be given to her as a daughter as that was
very painful for me.

Barbara Schwarz