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             LATE BULLETIN
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<     By OSCAR SHAGNASTY
<        The New York Tmes
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  DANVILLE, Pa. -- Colon, rectal
and neuro-surgeons who have
examined Ed Conard's anus and
brain have determined the source
of his problem but expressed regret
that they're unable to fix it.

  "We've found that Conrad's brain
is much  too close to his a.shole,"
said Dr. Werner Weener, head of
an eight-man surgical team at
Geisinger Hospital. "This,
we feel, explains why he acts
as he does.

 "We've consulted the Urban
Dicktionary which explains Mr.
Conrad's erratic behavior, especially
when he accuses evolutionists of
being brain- washed vested-interest
pseudoscience zombies or insists
the Smithsonian experts are phonier
han a four-dollar bill."
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  Dr. Weener displayed a photograph
of what the Average Joe's brain should
look like...
http://www.sciencedaily.com/images/2005/01/050111165229.jpg
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  He also pulled out a photograph
of what Ed Conrad's brain looks like...
http://www.posiesplace.net/wp-content/uploads/2006/04/spaghetti-tetrazzini.jpg
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  Dr. Weener then showed a drawing
of Ed Conrad's a.shole (Please
don't show it to the kiddies.).
http://www.lipstickkillers.com/comphell/asshole.gif

  The sophisticated Urban Dicktionary,
which is used extensively in the medical
profession, can be found at:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=asshole
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   MORE AS IT BECOMES AVAILABLE
     http://www.nurple.com/sideshow
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