Given that there doesn't seem to be an "Anatomy" NG, you guys are the
next best thing so I'll pose my question here:

I'm trying to find out the truth or not of the statement that a normal
adult male -- presumably meaning in this context a post-pubertal one
-- can reinsert his testes into their respective inguinal canals and
keep them there. He'd be wandering around with an empty scrotum
flapping in the breeze <g>. How would he get them out? What sort of
pain would be involved? Agonizing, retching, vomiting... or just
pressure and no real pain. Would there be any continuing pain or
discomfort (most MD's seem to think that root canal is minor
discomfort)?

I didn't come to this unprepared. I consulted at least six anatomy
book, a urology book on cryptorchidism, 34 pages of google references
relating to reinsertion of testes into inguinal canals and, ya know
what... none of them answer the question. In fact it took me some
considerable time to even realize that there were two inguinal canals!
This is because most anatomy books drop the inguinal canal discussion
after they've explained the descent of the testes and because the
diagrams don't show them at all. Only Netter's Pelvis shows them. Of
course all of you knew this all along ... moron me <g>!

The evidence (pro and con):

Summo wrestlers supposedly develop, starting at puberty, the ability
to retract their testes into the inguinal canals for protection while
fighting. No word on how they get them out again. Unfortunately this
is from a website that has the "Someone Told Me That ..." flavor.

There's a website showing the starting physician how to do a male
genital examination which includes a diagram of the guy pushing his
index finger into the scrotum and then into the inguinal canal to
check for hernias. It looks like it goes in about an inch but then
it's a drawing and not intended to show depth of penetration. Just how
long are the inguinal canals anyway? This website makes the statement
that the MD should explain to the patient that he'll feel pressure but
no pain. OTOH he's not trying to push a much larger and more
pain-causing testicle up there. Still it seems to indicate there's a
possibility and IIRC it's an official college website which lends
credibility.

Allegedly in dealing with cases of testicular cancer the surgeon opens
a wound in the abdomen and pulls the affected testicle up through the
inguinal canal. Of course this is probably done under general
anesthesia so pain is irrelevant. Why anyone would do this when a
simple incision in the scrotum would suffice is unknown.

In "Frontiers in Non-Hormonal Male Contraception" (see
www.NewMaleContraception.com) the author discusses the use of heat to
stop spermatogenesis. The techniques include dropping the testes in
hot water for 45 minutes, using ultrasound to heat them similarly, and
the one we're interested in, "Artificial Cryptorchidism/
Suspensories". The idea is that "during waking hours a man wears an
under-brief that holds the testes snug against the body but doesn’t
enclose the penis." It continues: "When some of the men in his study
refined the retaining underwear by adding a circle of soft material to
keep the testes from moving away from the inguinal canal,
effectiveness rates shot up, with an average sperm count of 3
million/ml and average motility of 15%." The "his" in the last
sentence is a Dr. Roger Mieusset and this sentence seems to imply that
the testes are just kept close to the entry of the inguinal canals but
if you read the abstract of the study it states "Decreased sperm count
and motility were observed in men after induction of local testicular
hyperthermia by raising the testicles into the inguinal canal during
the day in adult volunteers." Apparently 50% of the study males had
some discomfort during the day. There's no mention of any retching,
vomiting, etc, during insertion. Presuming that the guy is not lying
(Published in the IJ Andrology 1987) so this has good credibility. How
do they get them out though?

Now for another source that ranks ultra-high on the credibility scale
mainly because I'm seeing it with my own eyes. That's she-males or
transsexuals and if you don't know how to find these on the web to
verify what I'm going to say ... well ... back to Sesame Street. These
are guys who have more estrogen in their systems than a roomful of
pregnant women and they also have an overwhelming interest in looking
as feminine as possible. That nasty looking scrotum and its contents
sort-of screw up the picture don't ya think? These guys go to
inordinate lengths to make their front female-like, wearing
restricting "Gaffes" or when nude pushing their male genitalia back
between their legs. They're often quite successful. However despite
some of them having testes the size of grapes (all that estrogen) they
still have visible testes. I don't think I've seen one pre-op s/m who
was missing them. Now if they could push their testes up into the
inguinal canals wouldn't they do so?

Further discussion:

Maybe the solution to the apparently conflicting pieces of evidence is
that you can push them up the canals but they immediately drop down
again, after all the artificial cryptorchidism study did use something
to keep them in. Then why wouldn't the s/m's go one better and get a
little stitch at the inguinal ring so they never descend? I imagine an
in-office procedure no worse than vasectomy. Or maybe you just need to
push them further up, hence the question of how long are the canals.

You might ask why don't I try myself. Well, apart from a highly
developed fear of not being able to get them out again and an extreme
aversion to pain particularly in this area, I can't find my inguinal
rings. I also have this fear of accidentally crushing the spermatic
cord or the vas or creating testicular torsion. Maybe it's like
feeling your prostate... you can't do it yourself.

Not that I'm interested in actually doing it myself; I'm really
interested in the answer as a basis for a story or perhaps criticism
of those who use this dramatic device.