Hello folks,

I wanted to say hello to everyone here. I've browsed through many of
the posts and intend to take more time to read them all. I've been a
long time user of usenet, but until a few months ago I spent most of
my time in the binary groups. I'm a male from the midwest, about to
hit my 40s, and like most people I was until two weeks ago one of
those who would say "what?" if someone had mentioned Lupus. To try and
keep the story short (as if that were possible for me) I recently
visited an old love of mine who is most decidedly the one, the one
love that gets indelibly stamped on your soul. It was nearly 10 years
ago when I met her and the memories of her and her two wonderful sons
are my fondest and dearest to my heart. Our relationship was rocky,
never worked itself out, and although I could point to several things
as being the problem, I think ultimately it's simply that she never
felt as deeply for me although she herself thinks about me over the
years.

During my visit she informed me that she has Lupus, and in thinking I
was doing the right thing I didn't ask much about it. She told me very
little and what little she told me didn't make it sound very serious.
I guess I felt that if she wanted to talk to me about it she would. I
realize now what an asinine thing that was to do, not that I should
have pried anything out of her, but I probably appeared as though I
wasn't concerned. The truth is it was on my mind the whole time I was
there. I tried to find the time or way to sneak on her computer and
learn more about it but hadn't found the chance. I'm fairly sure but
not 100% that it's SLE. It wasn't until I got home and started by
reading materials online that I began to understand. I immediately
checked the library and have just checked out The Lupus Book and
tonight I will begin to read. I used to be an avid reader of books but
find I need training wheels for a while, it's hard to concentrate and
absorb at the moment.

What I have learned so far is breaking my heart when I think of the
possibilities of how her quality of life will be, and how this will
affect her sons life as well. Fortunately she has always remained
close to her mother in where she resides as well as close in
relationship. I am able to talk to her mother and will do so soon, and
when I know I have the full picture I'm going to let her know what I
have learned and how I feel. I won't go into that now except to say a
small part of me wants to get up, start packing up my life and making
the thousand or so miles between us go away. I know that this is
unrealistic for more than one reason, but I still love her so much.

There you have it, at this moment, this is me.

In parting, as I said, I wanted to say hello to all the members of
this group. That includes those who are actively posting **and** those
who are not. It's not a provable statistic, but I could venture to
guess that for every one person who regularly posts there a hundred(s)
who do not.

If you are one of those "lurkers" please do not be afraid to reach
out. I can easily see this is group is full of loving souls, and as it
is in any public forum, occasionally salted with a flake, spammer or
other type of pond scum. DO NOT let any self absorbed idiot scare you
off, make you unsubscribe from this group, or prevent you from
reaching out. Realize instead that they are either mentally ill or
simply shallow enough to enjoy tormenting others. They aren't worth
anything more than the consideration that they are sad little people
that will never be complete human beings and leave it at that. DO NOT
let them win the stupid games they will try to make you play. Learn to
ignore the impulse to respond to them and use your browsers kill
filter so that you never see them again. PLEASE.

Be here for *you* or the one you love.

This is *your* life. Right here. Right now.

For the time being I will "lurk" myself, as I know nothing of
consequence and even when I do I am no doctor and will always have
that fact in mind. The only thing I would like to ask the group for at
the moment is some "recommended reading." I am going to purchase The
Lupus Book while I read the library copy and was hoping someone could
recommend other books, or perhaps even some online sites with articles
or a good forum. I intend on reading for myself as well as sending my
love some reading material and would truly appreciate anyone's help.

Thank you, and thank you *all* for being here.

With kindness and love,
                                        Fluke