J wrote:

Woah, now.  #1, I do agree with accepting your friends the way they
are, but #2, that's what this group is here for, and I know that Jason
Johnson has shown nothing but care and concern.  If anyone feels that
helping out with and listening to other people's cares and concerns is
beneath them or an imposition, maybe a support group board isn' t the
place for them "J". One on one counseling may be more beneficial to
people who aren't interested in the concerns of others.

As for me, I am appreciative of the support, advice, and laughs I have
gotten here, and Jason, your posts are welcome.

Jason, one thing I would say, is that with all the changes Lupus has
made in my life, if someone kept telling me to stop drinking or eating
something I love, I would get really frustrated.  Our choices are our
own, and while you are well-intentioned, maybe you're pushing a little
hard on this one.  I personally take vitamins, but there are other ways
to get vitamins, such as eating vitamin fortified cereals.  I don't
think Coke is either ther best or worst thing your friend could be
doing.  If anyone could get her to stop drinking 5 Cokes a Day, it
might be her doctor, if she has the threat of becoming diabetic, but
even then some people just don't want to give up things they love.

Let this one go.  Get her some tasty cereal bars if you must, but
please don't be hurt if she doesn't love the idea.  I know I am a grown
woman, and I sometimes find it insulting and condescending that other
people seem to think they need to tell me what I should and shouldn't
eat.  I'm not a baby or a child.  I'm just sick.

So anyway, I appreciate that you have some concern for your friend, but
you probably should give her some more space in the decision-making
area.  I think she will appreciate it and may become more open to the
idea of trying other vitamin-fortified foods if they're not being
pushed on her.

I hope this helps.

Michelle

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Michelle,
Thanks for your excellent post. I will take your advice. I hope that you
and everyone else in this newsgroup has a happy New Year.
Jason
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Jason,

I have had lupus for years and like your friend there,  I drink diet
coke to help my stomach feel better.  It's not from the Lupus it's from
all the meds, they ruin your stomach.  I think your friend knows what
works for her.  Water flavored or not does not settle an upset stomach.
 I personally think it has something to do with the carbonation, all I
know is that it works.  I've tried water and it doesn't work.  And like
your friend I have friends who think I shouldn't drink diet coke.
However, I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke, I exercise when I am
able, wear a seatbelt, etc.  So I hardly see drinking coke as a
terrible thing. I think everyone is entitled to one bad habit, don't
you? ; )  I guess what I'm trying to say is that drinking coke is
probably the least of your friends medical problems right now.  And as
the other person suggested perhaps trying to find vitamin enriched food
she would like would be a better approach.

Good luck and keep being a great friend to her, I'm sure she really
needs and appreciates your support.

Jeanne

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jeanne,
Thanks for the kind words. I did not realize that Coke was a treatment
option for an upset stomach until today. Thanks for the education. It must
be because of the carbonation. I will suggest the vitamin enriched foods
to her the next time that I take her to the grocery store. She is not able
to drive due to the pain related meds. I admire you for performing such a
great job is dealing with Lupus. Sarah is depending on the meds to treat
her problem and is NOT trying any diet programs or exercise programs at
this point in time. I believe she has a really bad case of depression
which is the reason she is does not care about diet and exercise as
treatment options. Another neighbor gave her info. about a local Lupus
Support Group and Sarah told me that she is not planning to attend any of
the meetings. I gave her a book related to Lupus but she has not read it.
I have decided to no longer even mention diet or exercise in future
conversations with her. However, I will always be her best friend.
Jason
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time she criticizes what you eat try this. Tell her she is
right. Talk about how hard it is to always make the right food choices.
In this way, you are affirming her struggle and forming a bond. After a
little while get a bright idea. "Hey, why don't we work on this
together? Maybe if we are nutrition buddies we will both be able to do
it." From there, and maybe not that day, but over the course of time,
start to talk about nutrition. "Ooo look at this wonderful recipe I
found. It sounds good and is super healthy. Let's make it together!"
Weight Watchers has recipes on line at www.weigthwatchers.com. You do
not have to subscribe to access many of them. Vegeterian Times emails a
daily recipe, subscribe at www.vegetariantimes.com. Suggest you both
keep food journals and compare. You can nicely critique one another's
journal at the end of the week.

One of the nasty things that lupus does is make us feel like we have
lost control in our lives. At her weight, she probably feels that the
weight is so bad it, too, is beyond her control. As the two of you work
together, she will begin to see that she DOES have some control in her
life.

Remember, if she tries ALL OR NOTHING, for her nutrition plan, she will
fail once and say, "What's the use? I am a failure. I just can't do
it." Instead, help her (and you) build a plan that allows special
treats but in controlled portions and not too often.

Please note that Ensure and Boost, although they do have vitamins are
relatively high in calories. You and your friend can begin reading the
nutrition info on the back of packages. As a lifetime Weight Watchers
member for some 35 years, I still read labels. I look for the lowest
fat and highest fiber content in foods. If I have a craving for
cheescake, I go ahead and have a slice. I compensate by reducing points
later in the week. Points are calculated on the basis of calories per
serving, grams of fat and grams of fiber. They have a little easy to
use slide rule.

Good luck and do keep us posted!

Linda

Fun little thing about coca cola... some state troopers carry 2liters
in their trunks. In case of an accident that leaves blood on the
highway. Pour it right over. The acid neutralizes any harmful bio
material and the sugars that remain on the highway attract microbes to
come an clean up more later. neato- and i still occasionally do enjoy a
coke.