Linda, I know you probably don't want to hear this, but get your butt to the
specialist! You need fixing! You need to get your body chemically balanced
because it is completely out of whack!

Here's the other thing about lupus and related autoimmune diseases, they can
cause depression. Depression can range from mild to severe and that alone
can be dangerous. Now add to it the frustration of being sick and not
knowing why and what is wrong is fueling the depression. We've all been
right where you are at mentally. You will get better!  You need to see the
specialist so he/she can straighten you out. If you feel better your
depression will go away and also the specialist can help you with the
depression. It's a which comes first the chicken or the egg? Is it the
illness making you depressed or the depression making you worse? Either way
you need it treated.

Here's the deal, plain and simple. No matter what label they give you for
your illness it is treatable. It is not a death sentence. Sometimes we have
to learn how to live within the limits of our illness. Sometimes that is
easier than others but it usually isn't all together that difficult. Once
you get on the right track you'll feel 100% better that doesn't mean you'll
be 100% but you are going to feel much better then you do right now.

If you do not go to the specialist you'll wind up in the ER and you'll have
bigger bills than you would if you went to the specialist. So get that
appointment.

If you are in the USA: Next get on the phone with social services and see
what it takes to get medical assistance. If you are not working and your
husband is not working (much) then you are probably eligible for all sorts
of help including food stamps.

Don't be afraid to tell the specialist that you are having financial
problems at the moment. Most all doctors will allow you some additional time
to pay bills. Some want a certain amount up front - try to meet that amount
and then they will usually allow you to pay the difference over a period of
time. Sitting there sick and depressed, and then worrying about the money is
going to just make matters worse so say "F*** it" and pay the specialist
whatever he wants for the consultation. Call your church or food bank and
get food in the house. The Salvation Army will help too.

Email me you phone number and I'll try to help you any way I can. Even if I
need to call the agencies in your area. You need help, NOW!!!
Bev

Linda,
I hope you found the name of a specialist and or got in touch with social
services...You do need to get in to see someone...This is not something to
mess around with..
And Like Bev said...Depression is ugly and can make things worse...So that
needs to be treated as well...It does go hand in hand with these chronic
illness's...
Sending you some prayers and hugs...
Let us know how you are today...
Hugs Cindy

Linda

Plaquenil (hydroxychloroquine) 200mg twice a day is a pretty standard dose
these days.  Don't forget to get a baseline exam from an ophthamologist...
not an optometrist.  And you need to keep getting exams every 6 months.
"All patients who take long-term hydroxychloroquine require regular special
eye examinations to monitor for signs of a rare, but potentially serious eye
toxicity. The toxicity can affect the back of the eye, called the retina,
and can lead to visual disturbances, color blindness, and even loss of
vision. The eye doctor can often detect changes that suggest toxicity before
serious damage occurs, so regular eye checks, even when feeling normal, are
mandatory."

Please look into getting some type of assistance so you can take care of
yourself.
Hang in there!
Nicole in CA