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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Lupus / January 2006serious yet very personal question
How often do you have sex? I'm serious. I have NO sex drive (granted, my husband hasn't figured out that the biggest sex organ is my brain), no desire, nothing. I know it's a combo of body image issues, meds, pain, etc. It's been over a month. Sigh Nicole  SignatureSomeone you know has lupus. 3 of every 10 Americans Know Someone With Lupus Help find the cure. www.lupus.org > How often do you have sex? > I'm serious. I have NO sex drive (granted, my husband hasn't figured out [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > It's been over a month. Sigh > Nicole Wow. This is such a touchy subject. I don't know how much (emotional) pain you can bear; I don't even know how much I can bear right now, But this is so serious. I don't know that anything I say could be of any help. But if you want someone to talk to, you can talk to me. Use this address: stingo@sbcglobal.net Love to you, Mary Oy, yes, it is touchy. Mary answered so I'll jump on the bandwagon. If anyone responds, please try to remember to delete this in case my hubby is reading over my shoulder. He's very nosy. My friends crack up about my sex life. They buy me batteries for my birthday. NOT kidding. OK, you asked how often we have sex. Twice last year. TWICE. Again, NOT kidding. And also not my fault. And I've never cheated & never will. Evidently, my hubby has a very low sex drive, even tho he's a big macho kinda guy. He even used to be a bouncer that no one could beat. I've tried everything from leaving a trail of clothes from the front door to the bedroom, greeting him in a french apron, to nasty movies. Anyway, maybe my drive is off now too, because it doesn't bother me much any more. So no, you're not weird. But I can make a suggestion. Get a shower massage! Candi > From: "Nicole H" <crimsonshedemonREMOVE@hotmail.com> > Organization: Road Runner High Speed Online http://www.rr.com [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > It's been over a month. Sigh > Nicole > But I can make a suggestion. > > Get a shower massage! read Lady Chatterley's Lover (or something similar that turns you on, in bed each night, be a little aloof and engrossed in the book, make ooh and ahs sounds. make orgasmic sounds while eating make a tape of songs that turn you each on. (that way, you'll be off when he's on and vice versa..just kidding) if you go out to dinner, somewhere, don't wear underwear and if you feel well enough, invite him for a quickie in the bathroom or the back of a van, if you have one (make sure there's a clean mattress there). tell him you expect him to call you every day with a sexy message/voice. J > From: J <spamtrap@invalid> > Newsgroups: alt.support.lupus [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > tell him you expect him to call you every day with a sexy message/voice. > J We haven't been out to dinner in 6 years, so that one's out, he says he has an esophagus problem & won't even eat in front of ME, let alone strangers. He doesn't like music, & he would never EVER let anyone draw blood for tests; he's convinced there are miniscule microbes as yet undiscovered that will enter his body. Hey, I'm not looking for help because I've already tried everything, trust me. Candi guess I was speechless...my drive is down but I blame it on Zoloft....hope you find some balance in this wish u bliss, Jenn > guess I was speechless...my drive is down but I blame it on > Zoloft....hope > you find some balance in this > > wish u bliss, > Jenn heehee.. I'm laughing at myself for disaster-cizing. when I saw your empty post, I thought you were unhappy with my reply and was going to go away and eat worms and die. Except that would make me vomit. :p Your drive's down..oh, I thought you meant your hard drive. Hugs to you from me who is clueless <g> Sending you energy and peace. Hugs J Candi, Have your husband tested for testosterone with his next PSA test. It sounds like his might be a little low. It's normal for it to fall as men age but some men drop it sooner than others. Also medications can effect libido such as beta blockers and diabetic meds. Bev > Oy, yes, it is touchy. Mary answered so I'll jump on the bandwagon. If > anyone responds, please try to remember to delete this in case my hubby is [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > > It's been over a month. Sigh > > Nicole > How often do you have sex? > I'm serious. I have NO sex drive (granted, my husband hasn't figured out > that the biggest sex organ is my brain), no desire, nothing. I know a man who thinks that the brain is the biggest sex organ. He uses his imagination and self-stimulation. He'd kill me if he knew I was saying that. On the other hand, he also thinks that talking "rocket science" should be stimulating for a woman. > I know it's a combo of body image issues, meds, pain, etc. > > It's been over a month. Sigh This is for both you and your husband. Use it or lose it. Sincerely, "Aunt Ruth" This is a serious subject. Sex is very much a part of our life and when the drive/desire is gone for any number of reasons it can effect the marriage/union if both partners are not willing to talk and work on the problem. How does your husband feel about you lack of desire? Is this a problem? Bev > How often do you have sex? > I'm serious. I have NO sex drive (granted, my husband hasn't figured out [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > It's been over a month. Sigh > Nicole Beverley It's a problem. February's Prevention magazine really got me thinking about it. The majority of the magazine is about sex and how important it is to a marriage. He has no libido problems at all. In fact, I literally beat him off of me. I have NO idea what to do. There are a lot of issues, many he refuses to accept (he never does anything wrong) I know that's a huge part... I'm getting angry even thinking about it right now. Nicole > Beverley > It's a problem. February's Prevention magazine really got me [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > huge part... I'm getting angry even thinking about it right now. > Nicole I sympathise entirely, I know exactly what you are going through, I have the same problem. Mine is pain and worry about getting more pain over wanting to make my wonderful husband happy. We have only been married six years and my husband is 14 years younger than me, so the problem seems somehow greater. He says he is prepared to wait for me to be ready, but for how long? As has been said, I know about the use it or lose it problem, sometimes we have to do things for others that may be a problem for us, to keep things "normal" whatever that is. ;>) Good luck Janet AKA SnakeLady Nichole, I'm going to suggest counseling if the two of you cannot work this out between you. But since it sounds as if you two have talked about it and are obviously getting no where then counseling seems to be appropriate. As for things you might be able to do and ways to compromise, well, I'd rather take it off the group as I feel it would be too explicit for this newsgroup. So if you want to discuss this further please contact me directly. Bev > Beverley > It's a problem. February's Prevention magazine really got me thinking about [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > getting angry even thinking about it right now. > Nicole If it were a perfect world .... > I'm going to suggest counseling if the two of you cannot work this out > between you. > He has no libido problems at all. In fact, I literally beat him off of me. > > I have NO idea what to do. There are a lot of issues, many he refuses to > accept (he never does anything wrong) I know that's a huge part... I'm > getting angry even thinking about it right now. Resentment can cancel libido. He's a selfish pest who doesn' t have a clue what women (and specifically Nicole) wants and needs. Once he educates himself or talks with you, eye to eye, with sentences like "when you, I feel XXX" (and you the same) and both learn from these exchanges and make changes, things will improve. Not before. Hugs J |
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