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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Lupus / May 2004Hospital again!
Well, I just got outa the hospital again. If it just seems like 3 weeks since I was in, well, it was. Had another pulmonary embolism "event." I thought those were behind me by now but I guess not. I haven't had a PE since about 2 years ago. This was a pretty painfull one as PE's go (well, PE's for me anyway). I was in such pain that I had to try 5 times to dial the phone to get Sharon over here to haul me in. My son is installing speed dial in my phone now. That should make it easier if I get into trouble again. Mugsey is fine. She looks forward to me almost dying as she get's to go spend time with her "brother" Woody. (Woody is Sharon's dog, Sharon is my 1st ex-wife). (I finally got a smart, pretty nurse who was generous with the Morphine and they send me home! My life sucks!). Anyway, I'm gonna live. I was fortunate I got all my bills paid the night before (Monday) and all my errands were run so I get to be a lay-about for a while. You know, the kid's are better at fussing over me when I get sick, but I try not to take advantage of the situation. I am so tired of being so sick. It seems like I've been sick for so long and I can't help but feel a little discouraged from time to time. I try not to because it upsets the family but I don't have to many I can snivel and whine to. Let me ask you this: The housekeeper has to take the sniveling, doesn't she??? So that where I been. I'll try and give an update in a few days but I'm pretty weak for some reason and in a phenominal amount of pain. I'd forgotten how these suckers hurt. I can't remember feeling so bad overall from so many different things. Hope everyone is doing well and feeling good. It's my month to be sick so the rest of you can be well. Enjoy! Michael So sorry to hear you were booked in again... what have you got going at that hospital anyhow?.... pretty nurses?.... good medications?.... something keeps you coming back for more LOL!! Kidding of course... and sending tons of get well wishes your way so that you can feel really better real soon! I wouldn't wish what you are going through on my worst enemy... you need to rant so rant away and we will all support you... just get better will you! We need your input here with posts and you can't when you feel so bad... so wishing you well with hugs from Shelagh.... (at least Mugsey is a happy pup whether or not you are well... that has to be a plus ay?) "Michael Roeper" wrote in message > Well, I just got outa the hospital again. If it just seems like 3 weeks > since I was in, well, it was. [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > Enjoy! > Michael Hi Michael, I am glad to hear that you are going to live. You sure keep everyone at the hospital busy, don't you. I hope that pain eases up soon. Take good care of yourself. We all want you well. BJ-Sk. Canada > Well, I just got outa the hospital again. If it just seems like 3 weeks > since I was in, well, it was. [quoted text clipped - 35 lines] > > Michael So sorry to learn of this, Michael. You've definitely had enough problems for several lifetimes. I'll be praying for you....Maggie > Well, I just got outa the hospital again. If it just seems like 3 weeks > since I was in, well, it was. Michael, I'm so sorry that you are having to "bunk" at the hospital so much this month, and be in so much pain. Are your PE's life-threatening? Where do the clots come from? Take all the pampering your family and hired help will give you and get better! Gretchen You know, I don't really have a feel for how sick I am. Am I "sicker than most," or am I "real sick," or am I "deathly ill." I still feel guilty for not working and earning my keep better. Fortunstely, I have a good income so I don;t starve to death but I still have a lot of denial about my illness. It's the wierdest thing actually. Got my Sosical Security SSI "lump sum" a couple of weeks ago and FINALLY got my disability award letter today. The one that say I'm actually sick and disabled. It also says I am on Medicare now which, I guess, is a really good thing. Now I have to study up on that some more. Still, I spent some time this wek thinking about some of the things I'll never do again.....run, swim (probably), ski, chase girls....kinda depresing I would think. Does everyone out there in Lupus land go thru some of that? mean, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it. Once in a while my son Ryan will gove me a look like I'm really sick or he's afraid I'm gonna die or something like that. He atually will say something that sounds like he's angry that I'm so sick. I don;t quite know how to respond to that. It makes me feel helpless. I realized the othe day that I didn't like being sick (weak) in front of my boys. I must look pitifull, so fat and puffy and weak. I've always been the fit, fast, quick, well groomed and "thin" one (both my kid's have weight problems). Nw I'm such a mess, I think. Oh well. I try and feel the gratitude of still being here and I also try and remember that there those out there who have it far worse then me. It does seem like that's how I'm supposed to feel about it all. I now have a housekeeper/yardman/personal assistant. She does pretty much anything I need done and I've gotten to the point where I don't need to be here or tel her what to do. She just does it. She found out I was coming home from the hospital and the house was clean and the sheets were fresh and so on. I need to actually have her do more, like the shopping and stuff that I'm still doing myself that I shouldn't be doing. I went grocery shopping last night and was surprised to see that what was in the cart was pretty healthy stuff. Now, 40% of my grocery shopping is done in the produce/veg area of the store and not the baking isle or meat department. I'm eating a lot healthier and am trying to lose some of the weight. I've actually dropped 16 pounds in the past 2 weeks by cutting out some of the huge portions. It was still healthy stuf but gawd there was a lot of it. I;ve learned some really unhealthy eating habits while on the Prednisone and now that I'm tapering off that (and on the Cytoxan) I hope to lose it all and be back to my usual 190 - 200 pounds t the end of the year. Boy, wouldn't that be nice?? (I was 265....am 249 this morning). I can "bounce" 7 or 8 pounds in a day and I've been holding a huge amount of water lately. Well. That's enough sniveling from me. I hope everyone is doing well and thanks everyone for such nice responses to my posts! It makes me feel better and not quite so alone in the world. Michael and Mugsey Hello Michael, I am glad you have your medical covered. Unlike mine, the company can decide to chop it off anytime. The insurances rejected me on 'pre-existing' conditions and things are not what I would like it to be. Oh well, it is like this in Malaysia. Lupus is sort of 'unheard' in Malaysia, medication is not up to date and everything is expensive. I hate it. I hate myself for having this, I am a burden to everyone, to my family, my boyfriend and even my cats. I hate myself, I have lost all the energy that I used to have, dunno where on earth has it disappeared to. I am going to see the rheumy again and get charged for a bomb. I just wish it (lupus) would just disappear. I want myself back! Bin Oh Bin! You sound so sad and sick of it all and I don't blame you one bit! I have felt that way so many times and all I can say is that it will get better! .... I am sending you well wishes for a better day with happiness and light. btw I too have cats and I don't believe for a minute that they feel you are a burden... I find that mine just love it when I am too sick to 'move' cause then it is purr/cuddle time for them and the more the better! Maybe try to take advantage of your bad times with some quiet interest and try not to feel as if you have to be productive all the time; I know that when I start getting on myself about not being able to do as much due to lack of energy that it actually makes my illness worse! - mental stressors are as bad as physical ones!- "LUPUS is actually quite limited!, It cannot cripple LOVE, It cannot shatter HOPE, It cannot corrode FAITH, It cannot destroy PEACE, It cannot kill FRIENDSHIPS, It cannot suppress MEMORIES, It cannot silence COURAGE, It cannot invade the SOUL, It cannot conquer the SPIRIT! So what is left ?? ... nothing that matters!" Hugs to you! from Shelagh http://members.shaw.ca/tiderington "hooi-bin" wrote in message > I am glad you have your medical covered. Unlike mine, the company can decide > to chop it off anytime. The insurances rejected me on 'pre-existing' [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > myself back! > Bin Thank you for listening, I feel so down. I feel so useless. I am having this vision that everyone around me just think I am lazy......I am lucky to have a bf who have been like a god-sent angel but I just think he deserves better. Again, thanks, and yes, it is wonderful to have people who actually understands. Bin > Hello Michael, > [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > > Bin ( ( ( Bin ) ) ) I'm sorry you feel so alone over there and they give you such a tough time. J Thanks J, Hugs to you too!! You are all so great friends. Bin Hi Bin, It must be even tougher for you there. Your thoughts about yourself and your illness are ones that we all feel. However, as you say, you live in a country where lupus is not very familiar to people. There is lack of understanding here in Canada too. Even some of my friends don't really know what it is all about. I get down on myself too sometimes. Day to day living can be so hard for us. It is not always easy to find our purpose in life. I can't say that I have really found it yet. I feel down because of all the things I loved that are lost now. I think we have to keep searching though. It takes a lot of time, with good days and bad. Try to find the positves and focus on them. That is the only thing we can do. BJ-Sk. Canada > Hello Michael, > [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > > Bin Hi BJ, Thanks for your positive notes and yes, I am trying to be positive. I try really hard to be happy and active in the office but by the time I reach home I feel out of energy, waking up to morning stiffness. I get good days sometime but it never last. I am getting pain all over, I don't even know if it is normal for lupus or it is in my mind?? I am going crazy. I take my medication on time but still.... it comes... I think I am losing my mind...as I am typing this. Bin I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. Your pain is real. This is something I often question myself (especially since my diagnosis is fuzzy). And you are not lazy. My mantra this week is that "I am doing the best I can with the body God gave me" Even when others don't understand, for some silly reason this phrase seems to give me strength. I hope you are doing better soon and get the help, care and compassion you need. I said a prayer for you today. Stephanie > Hi BJ, > [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > Bin Thank you stephanie, it is so sweet of you. I had a good day today. The company that I worked for decided to dispose some 'working condition' old monitors and I managed to convince them to donate to SPCA!! Also, I went out for a nice dinner with my colleague today, and I found alfalfa (dunno if i spelt it right) with the salad!!!! Heheheh.....They asked me why I cannot eat these green little sprout like veg., I told them it will kill me!! hahaha, they took it seriously. Anyway, I did clarify that it is a joke, just a general advise for lupies not to take alfalfa due to some reasons that I do not know, yet. It is a good day today and I am really happy. The office was re-carpeting and I did nothing, except munching on cookies the whole afternoon!!!! Stress free day!!! And tomorrow is pay day! now i see a brighter week ahead!! Thanks for your wonderful prayers! It worked!! ((((stephanie)))) Lov, Bin > I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. Your pain is real. This is > something I often question myself (especially since my diagnosis is fuzzy). [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > > > > Bin > It makes me feel better > and not quite so alone in the world. > > ( ( ( Michael and Mugsey ) ) ) J |
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