I had a scare years ago in college.  I tested positive for herpes after
a girlfriend went to the doctor for some problems.  I've never had
symptoms and years later I tested negative.  Don't ask me how.  I had
been honest to women in the past, right after my scare, and even though
I didn't use condoms with the women nothing ever happened. I have had
several fairly steady relationships.  I'm used to women that are
unexpierienced sexually or shy, but usually they learn to relax and
enjoy it after a while and we end up having a very fullfilled sex life.
And after never having symptons and testing negative I thought I could
forget about it.
Then I got married.  Before marriage my wife told me that her people
were very knowledgable about sex.  We didn't have much experience
before the marriage.  It turns out she was very unexperienced about sex
and was never quite able to enjoy the moment. So we had a rough time at
the start of the marriage. But we kept trying.  Even after the birth of
our son we still continued to struggle.  Three years into our marriage,
just when I thought she was getting used to sex, she caught herpes. She
didn't know anything about herpes at all and she was devistated.  At
one point she thought she was going to die. And of course she hated me
and what I did to her by not telling her about my scare back in
college.  She's had the worst time.  I live with guilt every minute.
But I refuse to stop enjoying sex - through movies and masterbation.
Its been five years now.  We've been to counceling since we had
problems from the beginning and she never was comfortable.  Now she
hates me every time I get a new movie.
I'm finding it hard to be attracted to her.  I know it's half my
fault.  But I refuse to wear a condem and I can't solve the problems
she had with sex before everything happened.  She's that much more
uncomfortable about sex now.  But I love the feel and taste of a woman.
I can't enjoy it any other way than bare.  And everything I've done in
the past to make women feel comfortable just doesn't work.  I really
miss the passionate moments I've had in the past with women.  I will
not cheat and I don't want to get divorced. I'm  lost.