Hallo, folks!

I recently tested negative for the HSV I & II antibodies.  But I have a
small, recurring genital sore.  Looks just like the kind of canker sore I
get occasionally INSIDE my mouth--a single, small, raised, red, sensitive
area, with a small, lighter, almost-crater-like head.  Very sensitive little
thing--makes me squirm at work and burns when urine gets on it (it's the
contact with urine, not the urinating that causes the burn).  The sore has
recurred 5 times in the last 2 years or so, always in the same spot.  It's
been cultured 3 times (ouch!) and never returned a positive for Herpes.  But
it also SEEMS to respond (that is, improve/go away/lessen) with Valtrex,
which my doctor prescribed for my last outbreak.  Although I haven't had the
drug long enough probably to be sure yet about this.  Doctors still seem to
think this thing is Herpes, but are guessing I'm getting false negatives.
Me and my lovely boyfriend-of-6-years/husband-now-of-13 years would really
like to know what this baby is.  We understand that if it's Herpes (or
anything else) it might be contagious, and I certainly don't want to give it
to him.  My little sore is an irritant, but not terrible (if it is Herpes,
and if this is the extent of what I have to deal with, I'm incredibly
lucky!)  However, if he were to catch it and have a more dramatic symptom,
it would be a bad, sad thing.  For now, we're avoiding contact with the sore
(that is, sex, oral or otherwise) whenever it's acting up.

Am I right in thinking, though, if this is Herpes, that this might not be
enough to protect him?  If it is Herpes, couldn't I transmit it to him even
when I don't have the sore?  (We really don't want to have to start using
condoms after all these years, ya know!)

Anyone know of anything that produces a similar symptom to Herpes but isn't
Herpes?

Do Herpes symptoms occur more frequently with stress?  (It SEEMS like this
is when my sore is more likely to appear--if I already have something
wrong--like a sinus infection or cold--or when I'm tired and stressed from
work.)

Anyone never had a positive result, but still pretty sure they have it?

Anybody ever self-infect?  (Go from being a non-symptomatic carrier for
years--I mean, like 20 years!--to suddenly having a sore?)

And, for goodness sake, please tell an old, married lady, as frankly as you
can, what we must/should avoid in order to protect each other.  (Can you
touch a sore with your hand, then touch something else, and spread this
virus to the something else location?  Or is it only direct contact?)

Help, help!

Very grateful for any advice kindly offered,

Lisa