It is impossible to LOOK at someone and be able to determine if they
are an STD carrier.  The only way to tell is to visit a doctor or
clinic and have a full STD screening.  And, as a test for herpes is
not always included in the standard panels, a specific test for it
must be requested.

And condoms DO help prevent the spread of herpes.  They are not,
however, foolproof.  Condoms aren't even 100% effective at
preventing pregnancy, and blocking sperm is much easier than
blocking something as small as a virus.

It's more like one in five.

Go to a doctor and get yourself tested.

Mike

Think of herpes and genital warts like a rash... they are a skin disease.
the condom protects the part of you it covers. If you have sex with someone
that's infected, the disease will probably not infect the parts of you
protected by the condom. It will however, be able to infect the unprotected
parts of your body. Like your abdomen, the base of your penis, etc... After
you have an outbreak it can then spread to other parts of your anatomy that
were originally protected. This seems to be more prevalent with warts...
they seem to be a direct contact disease. Where ever the girls wart touches
you, you get a wart... etc... I don't think herpes is quite so discrete, but
at least it gives you an idea of why condoms help, and don't help at the
same time.

As much as we all hate to admit it, the Christians are right.... Abstinence
is the only safe sex.

Have you ever had a "fever blister/cold sore"?  Those are the PC terms
for "Oral Herpes".   Oral Herp is almost always (almost) caused by
Herpes Simplex Virus Type1 which is the exact same virus that causes
30% of the newly diagnosed genital cases. Hsv type2 causes the rest.
And since most of the people infected (70%-80% of them) don't even
know they have it, you could easily be in that number. So if there are
no recognizable symptoms on you or your partner, a blood test is the
only way to know for sure.

Condoms aren't 100% effective against anything.  They break, they come
off, they're not put on properly, they get old and brittle after
living in somebody's wallet for to long, etc.   It's no mystery that
they aren't 100% effective. But saying they don't help is totally
wrong. Given the above caveats, they can be pretty effective and a
heck of a lot better than nothing.
True a condom doesn't cover all parts of you and your partner, but
they cover the most vulnerable ones (assuming you have the thing on
right). Herp normally causes infection by getting through the thin
mucous membrane type skin of the genitals. That's what a condom is
there to cover. The virus has a much more difficult time getting
through the normal healthy skin that a condom does NOT cover. It's
still possible though given abrasion, a cut, a pimple, or some other
break in the skin.

Look for a lab report showing her status.  Lacking that, a genital
outbreak might show nothing more than slight redness or in another
case, it might be an easily recognizable rash. Depends on many
factors. Most of the time though, on most infected people, there is
nothing there to see. Basically, without symptoms or a lab report to
go by, you can't tell whether your partner is infected or not (can't
tell about yourself either).
Having said all that, even if she IS infected (and you're not),
transfer of infection to you is not a foregone conclusion so don't
kick her to the curb to quickly if all else is working well. Would you
dump somebody for having a fever blister? ... same thing, just
different locations. Genital Herp is not hard to avoid as long as
you're aware of its presence. And besides, it's no more a health
threat than an oral cold sore.  Aside from the location, the only
major difference is the public perception and the stigma.

That might cut down the risk a little but promiscuity isn't an
indicator of herpes. To the contrary, you wouldn't believe the number
of infected people whom you wouldn't consider as promiscuous at all
and never have been.

Best estimate seems to be 1 in 5 over age twelve.  When you take the
12-18 year olds out of the equation (assuming low percentage of
infection)  you wind up with an even higher ratio for the more
sexually active ages.  I've seen credible estimates, in the over 21
ages, as high as 1 in 4 and approaching 1 in 3.

Bottom line regarding the subject line, know your partner's hsv status
for sure, not to mention your own.  That means blood tests for you
both.if there are no symptoms. Methods for preventing a transfer
depends on what you find out from that.  It's a manageable situation
though, no matter what the lab report shows. There are many many
sexually active discordant couples in the world.

M2