i am surprised that no one has replied to your post.
i just want you to know that although things look difficult now it can get
better.
just look after your health.. don't let them beat you down and don't beat
yourself silly.
As a man I sometimes have to wonder why any women would have anything to do
with us.  i have seen and heard of us doing some heartless things. It's like
we forget that we have mothers or sisters. this is the time when you should
be recieving support not being made to feel toxic.
As for why does it happen to you... bad things happen to good people to.
keep an eye on this support page because they can be very helpfull.
for me it was easier when i started trying to improve my situation.
Have you spoken to your doctor to see if they can supply you with any
medication?

You know, it's so hard letting go of someone we love and, for some odd
reason, more so when that person has hurts us and we love them. The
first woman that broke my heart stepped all over it when she left.
Cheated on me and let me know it to kind of drive the nail in. I
chased her for months. OK....I borderline stalked that B**** but
that's not the point. I WAS 18. :) Later on in these situations we
realize that we're kind of glad it happened. We are no longer with
someone that would intentionaly hurt us and that bring out the ugly in
us. I guess what we're all saying is that you really ARE better off
without him. F him for being a D***. (Cursing makes you feel better,
BTW) Oh, it's just me? Whatever.
In our little community I think, even though people may not respond
because they may not really know what to say, we all hope for the best
for you. We're here for you, baby.

Another hug from the me.

Hi Group.  Long time no see (GUYonphone here!)

I just popped into the NG for the 1st time this year I think, just to see if
any of the regs are here (I see ya Grant/Mike/Yoshi, etc--hidey ho!) but
man... I can't let this continue in such a lopsided condition.  Nnie,  I
even went so far as to filter for all of your posts to the NG to see what
the 'facts' are (didn't bother with replies, so if this has all been said,
then well... never mind.... ::grin:: ) and I've got some things to say about
all this.

First off, how do you know gothboy is negative?  No symptoms?  You didn't
have symptoms for a while either (assumed), yet it's not far-fetched to
think you have had it for years and never shown before, right?  Well, then
what about him???  He can certainly be the same way and have it but never
show it.  Plus, it's highly unlikely (IMHO) that you've been married that
long, gettin' frisky all the while, and if you've had it all that time, you
didn't pass it on to him at some point.  Or, visa-versa--maybe you got yours
from him. You'll probably NEVER know who had it first in your relationship,
but I'd bet dollars to donuts you both have it.  You did know that it's
entirely possible (and happens probably most frequently) to pass this lovely
virus on to an intimate partner even though there's no symptoms present.
Asymptomatic shedding.  Get's em all the time.  I'm one--I got mine from
someone who's blood test came back positive although she'd never had a known
outbreak.  Everyone who got this from someone while they did NOT have
massive, puss-filled sores on their parts at the time, raise your hand.
Yup... lotsa hands in the air, see?

Another scenario can be imagined with this new info (gothboy and *other
woman*).  How about SHE's had it for years, never knew...he got it from her
and then he gave it to you the last time you bumped parts?  And you
immediately had an outbreak.  Not any more difficult to believe that than to
believe you've had it and never passed it to him.  Matter of fact, I'd
believe this scenario over all others from everything you've posted.

There's not much you can do at this point to prove whatever happened, but
I'd be rethinking the depression based on being called "toxic waste" coming
from someone who coulda caused the whole thing by being a 2-timing, no good
bum!  I'd be getting pissed rather than depressed!

Hang in there
-G