Well, you tell them before you have contact that may transmit the disease.
i.e. before you have ANY sexual contact. Regular sex... or Bill Clinton's
"sexual relations"... lol Basically, no fooling around until you have the
talk.

What this means for you is, you're going to need to win the person over
BEFORE you have sex. So, you have to win them without sex. In today's world
that's kinda wierd. Most people 'do it' and worry about if they're
compatible later. You'll need to find a person you really like, get them to
fall in love with you, and then break the news.

To you're advantage, you're going to come accrossed as a very responsible
person. I'm one of the few people in here that actually dated someone that
had HSV before I knew I had it. She told me, and to be honest, I immediately
thought "Ok, no sex..." but I still really liked her and continued to date
her.

I was really impressed that she told me. I remember thinking "wow, I don't
know if I would be a good enough person to be that honest." In reality, the
fact that she told me, got me interested in the subject. I did research, and
several years later that info is what lead me to realise that I had the
disease as well. Knowing that she was brave enough has made me brave enough.

Also, the girl didn't have any info on the disease. So I didn't know what to
do at the time. When you tell someone they aren't going to know what to do.
They need facts. They need numbers. I wanted to have sex with the girl. I
really liked her, and she was gorgeous but I had no idea what to expect.
Could I even touch her down there? What are the chances of transmission? She
hadn't even talked to a doctor about the disease since she initially got it
and was unaware that there was suppressive therapy. Had she known the facts
and properly educated me things would have been different. As it was, I
dated her but refused to have sex. She dumped me because I wouldn't sleep
with her.

You're going to have to be educated.
You're going to have to be ready to answer a lot of questions.
You're going to have to be willing to accept that your partner may very well
say "No sex" for a while. Maybe even make you wait until you're engaged or
married. Remember, there is a possibility they'll get a life long disease
from you. Taking that risk is a hell of a commitment. They may require that
you make a similar commitment before hand! And worst of all, the first time
you're intimate they may reach down towards your privates to touch you,
hesitate and say "Is it safe?" and you're going to have to say "No" and it's
going to break your hart. Be ready for this moment. Tell them it's "never
safe" but the risk is low. And be ready for them to back off for a while.
Then buy them flowers, cook them dinner, remind them how great you are...
etc...

And finally, if you want to avoid all this, just date someone that's already
got HSV! There are lots of us, and some of us are pretty damned sexy. Just
look at Angela! And I'm pretty sure Gadge is Foxy to... I know she's at
least one of the coolest girls in here!

Good luck Bec!

I tell them as soon as I feel that things are going to progress to "the next
level."  I have yet to have anyone run.  I generally say, "We need to have
THE talk.  There are some things you need to know."  And instead of hemming
and hawing around the bush - I say, " I have type 1 genital herpes."
There's usually a short discussion about it and that's it.  So far, the man
I married said, "That's okay, you're worth the risk."  And since my divorce,
one man already had type 2 and two men already had cold sores.

Talk to you later.
ar

A good time to tell your partner is *before* you have sex for the first
time.
You can read our herpes telling story here:
http://www.yoshi2me.com/herpes-telling.html.

Hang in there -