<snip>

Rude?? Men have been SHOT for less  ;-)

Not many people have constant outbreaks. And the longer she's been
infected, the less likely they'll be severe or frequent. Even so,
suppression should help with that.

Who told you THAT???  Frankly, there are to many ifs, ands, & buts
about herpes to generalize that way. In your case, it depends on what
type(s) she has and where she's infected. Also depends on you! Have
you had a blood test for herpes ... ever? (I'm assuming you've never
had symptoms). Most people infected with herpes (far more than half)
show no recognizable symptoms. And with 25% (or more) of the adult
population infected, that's a LOT of infected people that think
they're herp negative. So it wouldn't hurt for you to find out your
status for sure with a blood test because you are *half* the risk
assesment equation. Next, you need to know exactly where *she's*
infected and with which type.
Let's just say for example, you're both positive for type 1oral (like
the vast majority of the population), and she's positive for type 2
genital (like 25%). In that situation, the risk of transfer via oral
sex is pretty dang minimal whether giving or receiving.  Once you've
had type 1 long enough for your immune system to protect against it,
it's unlikely you'll get it again in a second location. So you're good
to receive oral sex and so is she. As far as type 2 is concerned, it
doesn't transfer very easily to the oral area. Not to say it's
impossible, but it's highly unlikely. So you're good to go there.
Granted, transfer risk is alway much higher during an outbreak so
you'll have to just forego any kind of sex then. But otherwise, the
risk isn't worth giving it up in my humble opinion.
oh! and even in the unlikely event that a type 2 transfer takes place
to the oral region, the chances of it being a problem are extremely
nil. Statistically, type 2 oral outbreaks seldom if ever occur after
the initial outbreak.
Sooo ... like I said, it just all depends on the situation.

I've proven to myself time and time again, I don't know diddley squat
about women. However, she might benefit from a good support group.
Even an online group can teach her quite a bit about herpes and the
more you know about it the more you realize how ridiculous the stigma
is, and the same about feeling ashamed. Going back through the
archives of this group (on Google) can be beneficial, and if she has
specific questions, tell her to come here and ask.
If it's emotional support and understanding she needs, from a bunch of
upbeat, understanding, and knowledgable girly girls, she might try
joining;
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PickingUpThePieces

It's a freebie YahooGroup. She can lurk over there if she'd like or
just jump right in with the conversations. There are a few men over
there but it's mostly women and, believe me, there's never a dull
moment. I'll bet she'd love it and at the same time, begin to realize
how "not alone" she actually is.

Anyhow, good luck with the situation. And cudos to you for not buying
into the ridiculous stigma thing that much of the unenlightened
segment of society perpetuates. Keep reading, keep learning, and try
to keep the risk/reward thing in its proper perspective.

M2

Hi,

Thanks for coming to the group to ask questions.

M2 already gave you great advice.

I just wanted to add that I'm not sure what your gf is worried about.  You
already know so the cat is out of the bag and you are still hanging around
with her....I would just make a list of your questions and ask her point
blank.  This is YOUR health and body we're talking about, after all.

You need to know what type of herpes she has (1 or 2) and if it was
confirmed by a test or if the doctor just assumed it was 2 because it was
genital.

You also need to know if she is on meds for it and if she would consider
being on meds.  You can offer to pay for half the cost of the meds.

You also need to know if you already have herpes.  If you've ever had a cold
sore, then you do have herpes.  :)

Take care,
ar

I also have a GF with herpes. I think you will have to convince her to
talk with you openly about this. As someone else said, this is about
your health too. Show her that you need to talk about this for the
good of your relationship together. If you're patient, I'm sure in
time she will open up more to you.

This isn't quite right. Assuming she has type-2 genital herpes only
(and you do not have herpes), she can perform oral sex on your without
a condom. However if you wish to perform oral sex on her, you would be
at risk of contracting type-2 oral herpes. My girlfriend and I are
careful and I can assure you that you can still have a safe, happy,
and fulfilling sex life. But, I think that trust is very important and
if you GF has trouble opening up about this, then it will continue to
frustrate you and cause problems in the long term.

I wish you luck. I hope you're as happy as my girlfriend and I are.