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quatsch - 04 Feb 2004 15:57 GMT

I am a newbie to this newsgroup, so I have no idea what the protocol is. I
don't know if this is an appropriate type of question, but I could really
use some advice.

I had a "scare" about two years ago, and since then I have been
hyper-vigilant about herpes, both genital and oral. My girlfriend has been
extremely frustrated at times by my hypochondria because of its impact on
our sex life -- as much as I want to perform oral sex on her, the vaguest
hint of something strange around my mouth area (including canker sores etc)
keeps me as far away from her as I can get! Over this 2 year period I have
been to about 8 different doctors, for over a dozen clinical exams, and at
least 3 swabs, all of which have been negative (see what I mean about
hypochondria?) But as you all know, herpes is very difficult to diagnose
and very complex in its presentation and/or symptoms, and so I felt
justified in my constant vigilence -- I would rather be a hypochondriac than
a risk to someone I love.

Only now it looks like she has contracted genital herpes from me!!! I have
no idea what to do, or what to tell her. If her tests come back positive,
then it will be a positive diagnosis for both of us, which means that I will
have to face the reality of herpes for the first time. It will be the
realization of my worst fear, AND the confirmation that I was right all
along, and it was the doctors who were wrong. And that is nothing compared
to the pain and guilt that I will feel because of what I have done to my
girlfriend!

I have no idea what to do. I have no idea what to tell her or how to act
around her. It doesn't seem fair that I could have worked so hard, for so
long, to try and understand what was going on in my own body, to prevent
exactly this outcome, only to find out that I got screwed anyway.

Thanks for listening, and any advice would be appreciated.

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M2slo2cht@nospam.invalid - 04 Feb 2004 18:02 GMT

>I am a newbie to this newsgroup, so I have no idea what the protocol is. I
>don't know if this is an appropriate type of question, but I could really
>use some advice.

Welcome ... and so far, so good :-)

>I had a "scare" about two years ago, and since then I have been
>hyper-vigilant about herpes, both genital and oral.

What sort of "scare"??

>My girlfriend has been
>extremely frustrated at times by my hypochondria because of its impact on
>our sex life -- as much as I want to perform oral sex on her, the vaguest
>hint of something strange around my mouth area (including canker sores etc)
>keeps me as far away from her as I can get!

hmm... I can understand your g/f's frustration. But you realize of
course that canker sores aren't herpes? How frequent are your oral
outbreaks?

>Over this 2 year period I have
>been to about 8 different doctors, for over a dozen clinical exams, and at
>least 3 swabs, all of which have been negative (see what I mean about
>hypochondria?)

Actually, false negatives are common so may have been right to re-test
if your symptoms looked like herp. But what did the docs say after a
visual exam? And have you been blood tested yet?

>But as you all know, herpes is very difficult to diagnose
>and very complex in its presentation and/or symptoms,

Granted there are a few cases that are more difficult than others but
most of the time a diagnosis is fairly simple for a doc that knows
what he's doing. And if there are no symptoms, a blood test is a very
accurate method of diagnosis.

>I would rather be a hypochondriac than
>a risk to someone I love.

As far as risk is concerned, we're not talking life and death here.
It's a skin rash. A treatable, non-progressive skin condition that
takes care of itself over time even if you don't treat it. Worse case
scenarios, like you find on the web, are rare. Most herpsters have no
symptoms at all or sypmtoms so mild they don't even notice. So you
might want to do a risk/reward analysis before you decide to just
completely shut down sexwise. What does your girlfriend have to say?

>If her tests come back positive,
>then it will be a positive diagnosis for both of us,

No, actually you need your own diagnosis. If you have no symptoms, I
suggest you get blood tested. You don't even need a doc for that. You
can order your own test over the net, have the blood drawn by a local
lab and shipped, and get your results by email.

>It doesn't seem fair that I could have worked so hard, for so
>long, to try and understand what was going on in my own body, to prevent
>exactly this outcome, only to find out that I got screwed anyway.
>Thanks for listening, and any advice would be appreciated.

Why not get your own blood test done? No matter how hers comes out, it
sounds like you need to know about your own status just for your own
peace of mind. And $80 bucks for some peace of mind sounds cheap to
me. At least you won't be guessing at whether you're hsv positive or
not and if you're positive, you'll know which type(s).

Here's the website;

http://www.healthcheckusa.com/

Get the;
"HerpeSelect Herpes Simplex Virus 1&2 IgG"
(NOT to be confused with the IgM test which is similar)

So much for my 2 cents

M2

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Wanda - 04 Feb 2004 22:41 GMT

Hi,
Two points I have to make here. The first is: Herpes is far from the
worst thing that can happen to a person. And second: Your GF may have had it
a long time and not known it. IF she has it she may have had it before she
ever knew you. Or you could possibly have had it a long time before you met
her. Regardless of all of that I know how it feels to have a doc tell you
"hmm, I guess you do have it after all". I was shocked and depressed and
all of that too.
The best thing for you to start doing is to learn the FACTS about herpes and
go from there. Believe me, it makes you feel more in control of your own
life and you can make Informed decisions. And share what you learn with your
GF. There are a LOT worse things out there learn about them too.
Good Luck,
Wanda

> I am a newbie to this newsgroup, so I have no idea what the protocol is. I
> don't know if this is an appropriate type of question, but I could really
[quoted text clipped - 28 lines]
>
> Thanks for listening, and any advice would be appreciated.

Reply to this Message

Angela - 07 Feb 2004 22:41 GMT

Quatsch,

Seems to me that it's better to know what's going on once and for all. The
observation that I have made from reading your post is that you both have
herpes. Is that right? Other than that . . . what seems to be troubling you?

Angela
www.yoshi2me.com

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