Bringing up the subject

Thread view:

Enable EMail Alerts

Start New Thread

Thread rating:

jd2 - 25 Dec 2003 22:44 GMT

Hi all,
This will seem like pretty small potatoes to you guys but it's
something I've been wrestling with for a couple of weeks. I've met a
really nice girl and we've started going out together, but she does
get cold sores. She believes that she can't pass the virus on when
there's no sore visible, but my reading suggests that's not
necessarily the case. While I hope (fingers crossed) that I won't
contract oral herpes from kissing when she's not having an outbreak,
I'm much more worried about getting a genital infection via oral sex.
Without hurting her feelings, I want to ask her to not give me head
because I am nervous about it. Can anyone give me any guidance?
Alternatively, I had thought about using those flavoured condoms, but
I can't imagine them being very pleasant for the person sucking...can
anyone speak from experience?

Reply to this Message

Grant - 26 Dec 2003 00:27 GMT

Hi Johndoe,

Yep, your girlfriend is just a wee bit misinformed. Of course, you need to
remember that the longer you have herpes, the less your chance is of
spreading it asymptomatically. Also, there are antivirals that she can take
(you could offer to pay for them) which would cut down shedding even more.
Also, you should have yourself tested to make sure you don't already have
the virus. One never knows....

I would advise her to check out some websites that you have found which
would explain about asymptomatic shedding.

Take care,
ar

> Hi all,
> This will seem like pretty small potatoes to you guys but it's
[quoted text clipped - 10 lines]
> I can't imagine them being very pleasant for the person sucking...can
> anyone speak from experience?

Reply to this Message

Boston HSV I - 31 Dec 2003 07:42 GMT

Grant,
That's interesting. Can you help me with a reference for that?
ion

"Grant" <hatetheviruses@hiding.com> wrote in message news:

> the longer you have herpes, the less your chance is of
> spreading it asymptomatically.

Reply to this Message

Grant - 31 Dec 2003 11:09 GMT

I don't hang on to links, urls, references, etc. But there are others here
who do. But basically, the longer you have herpes, the better your body is
at fighting the virus. Most people have diminishing outbreaks as the years
go by. Your immune system becomes a herpes expert. :)

Take care,
ar

> Grant,
> That's interesting. Can you help me with a reference for that?
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> > the longer you have herpes, the less your chance is of
> > spreading it asymptomatically.

Reply to this Message

LK - 04 Jan 2004 14:54 GMT

>I don't hang on to links, urls, references, etc. But there are others here
>who do. But basically, the longer you have herpes, the better your body is
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
>Take care,
>ar

You know somebody is going to ask that question. I've been looking
for evidence online to support such a claim and haven't found it. As
an 18 year "veteran" I'd like to add that to my arguments that I am as
safe as I can make myself through time, medication, and precautions.

LK

>> Grant,
>> That's interesting. Can you help me with a reference for that?
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
>> > the longer you have herpes, the less your chance is of
>> > spreading it asymptomatically.

Reply to this Message

Wanda - 26 Dec 2003 00:54 GMT

Hi,
Get your girl some good info so she will be up to speed on things. When she
sees that she can spread the virus maybe she will be the one to bring up the
flavored condoms or some other way of doing things. But if she keeps
thinking that she can't spread with no symptoms showing, then she won't
think there is a problem. Or show her this board and let her do some
reading.
Good Luck,
Wanda

Reply to this Message

Alphazoid - 26 Dec 2003 18:24 GMT

>She believes that she can't pass the virus on when
>there's no sore visible, but my reading suggests that's not
>necessarily the case

Correct, also correct that one may harbor the virus without having symptoms.
You didn't mention having been tested for the virus so you are assuming that
you do not. Could be that you do not have that much to worry about.

I find oral to be too intense and not particularly enjoyable, maybe petting is
a viable option.

Reply to this Message

jd2 - 26 Dec 2003 23:48 GMT

Thanks for the advice everyone, I feel much more able to bring up the
subject before the lady and I become fully intimate. Thanks to this
group I also have some really good guidance on how to be safe!

Reply to this Message