Hi Charles,

I'm sorry to hear they lost your sample.  I know how devastating this feels.
Years ago when I got my first HIV test, my sample was lost or untestable.  I
didn't find out until I went to get my results.  The other tests had came
back negative and the nurse flipped through her little chart, let out an
"oh," paused and said, "Your HIV test didn't come back; you'll have to take
another."  I was sure it was positive, only she didn't know how to tell me,
so I freaked out even bigger than I had the two weeks before.  And I had to
wait another two weeks.  I was sure I was already dead.  But in the end, it
turned out I was negative and I'd worried myself silly over nothing.

All the same, I think you need more help than we are able to provide and
maybe even more than results would provide.  Your statement below that you'd
rather be dead than have it and you're hacking at your arm is a bit
unsettling.  I think you need to talk to a real, live human being with
training with these situations.  I think you should try to get in for
depression counseling as soon as possible.

Herpes is a little tiny old virus no one would choose to get in an ideal
world, but it's far from anything so bad as to invalidate life itself.  For
me, it's not nearly as troublesome as my flat feet or knuckle popping or
inability to hide my dislike of someone, all far worse and more troublesome
problems.

Please seek some professional, real life help.  That's my best suggestion
for "making it stop."

Do take care,
mishaisacat

Hi Charles,

I agree with everything Mishaisacat said.

I'm sorry about the lost sample.  When you're waiting for something this
important, something like that is devistating.

However, you do sound like you need more help than we can give you here.
You are talking to a group of people who have herpes and still manage to
live full lives.  Herpes doesn't effect us in a negative way.  It just gives
us a little twist to tackle every now and then.

Obviously, we don't agree that we'd rather be dead.

Please let us know what your test results say and please make an appointment
with a professional so you can start working on the other stresses in your
life.

ar