If I read that right, you had a sorta early blood test which came back
negative, and after four visits your doc diagnosed you visually.  It
could be your Doc is floundering, but at least now he's floundering in
your direction.  Of course, you could be sensitive to condoms or soap,
but it could be that it's HSV that enhances it.  And it sorta sounds
like it.

I know.  I got a call right when I got home from the docs and
fortunately it was a very understanding person.  It's like a big loss
of innocence, which it may be, but as a matter of getting on with
things and living in the long run, it's not that bad.

At least your boyfriend is aware of what's going on.  If he hasn't
bolted already he probably won't.

Well, if you consider it carefully enough it'll make you a better
person.  I know it has for me.  ;-)

Mike

Big hugs, Jen.  What you're going through really blows and it shouldn't have
to be so bad.  Sadly, many of us have been there.  You are not alone, and
you have found a great resource in this newsgroup.  I'm going to snip some
of your message below and reply in part to parts of it.

Isn't it funny that some nurses can be so much better than their doctors!
I've had some incredible nurse practitioners and highly reccomend them.

Okay, the biopsy thing sounds nuts.  Am I wrong here, folks?  A swab culture
is what he ought to be doing.  He shouldn't be cutting on you if he thinks
this is herpes.  Warts can be cut off then sent to lab to be processed, but
not the herp.  All the more reason to get away from this doctor.  He sounds
not only incompetent, but dangerous as well.  Ditch this guy.

howla luya,, ya figureds it out , i just had been telling

You are so right.  Even if you think you have something, there's nothing
like the moment of confirmation to make it real and sad and crazy feeling.
Keep in mind that you've probably had this thing for half a year already and
it's very unlikely that it will be worse than it is now.  However bad things
have been, they won't get worse.  They will in fact get better, much better.
Just hang in there.

i

And that's why it's so good that you've found us.  As you become more
comfortable with it, you may open up to more people.  You'll be amazed at
how few people have bad reactions to it.  My three most common reactions are
1) sympathy, 2) oh, yeah I have that, it sucks but isn't nearly as big a
deal as I thought it would be, and 3) oh, yeah, so and so that I know has
that.  Some folk say that it's a good weed killer; it weeds out folks you
wouldn't want to knw anyway.  I have to say that it's not worked so well for
me in that aspect because it really hasn't weeded out anyone.

i know that sooo many

Boy, do I know how this feels!  You are not dirty.  No more dirty than
someone who has had chicken pox or diabetes or whatever.  This is something
you have to know for yourself and can be the hardest thing because it's
easier to give someone else a pass than it is to give yourself a pass.  Most
of us probably really wouldn't judge someone else of being dirty just
because of herpes, but we're all to quick to judge ourselves.  Self judgment
can be the hardest obstacle.

It's hard to say what your boyfriend will do or feel and you can't control
that either way.  What is important that you be honest with him.  If he
cares for you, he will not only be concerned for himself, but also for you.
And your honesty with him will go a long way towards developing trust.  And
you can ask us for all kinds of advice and information about prevention of
spread.

It's also important to know that even if someone thinks that they wouldn't
have a problem acquiring herpes from you, that if it actually happens, they
are likely to freak out themselves.  There are no guarantees that you can
prevent it from being spread (though there are lots of things you can do to
reduce the chances greatly), and there are no guarantees that people are
going to feel the way they expect to once something actually happens.  Ah,
but I get ahead of myself.

Now it's important that you find out whether or not you really have herpes
and if so what type you have -- as that's very important when it comes to
preventing transmission.  It's also important to find out definitively if
your boyfriend has it or not.  Standard STD tests DO NOT test for herpes.
It is a very specific and expensive test, $60 to $120 dollars.  The blood
tests only work after the virus has been in the body for about three months,
and the cultures only work if viruses are actively being released AND
actually get on the swab.  It may take a while to get a definitive answer,
but that's what you need before developing a long term game plan.

Also, is there any chance that this boyfriend could be the person you got it
from?  Only about twenty percent of the people who have herpes know they
have it.  If you got it from him, or if he has the same type and didn't
know, then you guys can't give it to each other again, which sort of
simplifies things.

Okay, I've rambled plenty.  In summary, big hugs.  Whatever happens, I can
promise you that things will get better and we will be here to listen.

I hope you are feeling better in all kinds of ways very soon,
Mishaisacat