Hey, folks.

I've been dating a gal whom I've known for about a year.

She has been out of the dating scene for a long time, as she had a
substantial weight / self-image problem. The weight issue was dealt
with, through gastric bypass.

We've been friends for about a year, and decided to ramp it up to a
dating scenario almost 2 months ago. I've not been really committed to
the relationship, as she has a 9-year-old boy who's rather active and
an occasional discipline issue - and I've never been a parent. But, on
her encouragement, we've been spending time together, and exploring
the relationship.

We 'ramped up' the relationship a month ago, and have had intercourse
a few times. Unprotected. To be honest, I thought that since she'd
been out of the scene for so long, STDs were kind of a non-issue.
((let's please just avoid the scolding on this point - I've beaten
myself up quite a bit about this point))

She came to me recently and said that just about when her child was
born, she had an HSV2 outbreak. Just one, and she'd completely
forgotten all about it - until it flared up again, after we began our
physical relationship. I believe her when she says that the reason it
flared up again was a combination of the activity, and hormonal
changes due to recently going on the pill - as well as some
antibiotics she's been taking.

Our last contact was 15 days ago. She broke the news to me 2 days ago,
when she finally realized what was going on. It would seem that she
completely forgot about the first outbreak, because it was isolated. I
don't know how to respond to that claim.

To this point, I have no noteworthy symptoms. Went to a clinic to
discuss it with a practitioner, and based on what he heard, he
estimated that I was probably fine. He took a swab of an area on which
I did see some extremely tiny red marks, which he suggested were
likely a more generic irritation, and not a result of HSV2.

I have an appointment with my family doctor next week, and will
discuss it with him then - I may go whole hog and get the bloodwork
done after awhile.

I think I'm in mild shock, simply because I spent most of the
afternoon without even thinking about this, and then would hear this
little voice in my head, saying "She FORGOT?"

I really don't know how to respond to all this. New relationship, my
faith in the dynamic still being established, kid involved, and then I
get this bombshell dropped on me.

I've done some basic reading, and appreciate the stigma associated
with HSV, versus the reality. I know it's manageable, and in reality
it's an overblown inconvenience. But I also have no way of knowing how
impactful this will be on a still-new relationship, where we're still
discovering each other's histories. Trust is in jeopardy, progression
of intimacy, etc. The phrase 'is it worth it' has dribbled into my
mind quite a few times.

At this point, I am not compelled to run to the hills, simply because
I consider myself to not be quite that reactive. But, I am strongly
tempted to change the dynamic of the relationship (ie go back to 'just
friends'), until I can wrap my head around it all. I can't in good
conscience tell her it's all okay, simply because I think I'm still
emotionally detached from the reality of everything.

I'd appreciate any general feedback that can be offered.

Thanks!