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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Herpes / April 2007I know its long, but I Really need advise...What should I do???
Hi all, So there is this man that I have gone out on a couple dates with. We really hit it off with eachother, i really enjoy him. We have slept together a few times, but see the problem is this-- he has HSV-2 and did not tell me until after we already slept together. I would not be 'as' worried if we would have used a condom, but we didn't (which I have never done and am now regretting it) See when he told me about this, I was not upset at first. I actually felt sorry for him because he told me the story of how he contracted it. He got it from his ex-wife who in turn was cheating on him with someone who gave the virus to her. My man did not ask for this by any means and actually did not find out about it for a long time after he got it. So when he was telling me about it I was feeling more sad for him than angry at him. Believe me, the anger came after I realized what he was telling me. I was and still am angry that he didn't tell me and just made the desicion for me. Before he told me, there were some doubts in my mind about us. He is almost 22 years older than me and that was one of the big doubts that I had. But after he told me about the virus, I didn't and still dont know what to think. That is where I am asking for advise. I care for him and we get along very well. I love everything about him and he would be the ideal companion for me...only if he was a little younger. My problem is this...he told me that he knows exactly what he wants, and that is to be with me, he wants to settle down once and for all-- with me. I myself and scared of commitment and am not sure if I want to "settle down" right now. Plus this whole HSV-2 thing really bothers me. I am showing the signs and symptoms of having it (fever, headache, body aches and pains, itching and burning down below, and I have one bump down there already that hurts and seems like what herpes is described as) I do not know what to do about this situation and do not have any body to talk to about it. I know that caring for someone is much greater that caring about a virus. and I know that there is many worse things out there, but being without someone that you care about because of a virus is much worse than anything. I would appreciate and kind of imput from anyone, I just need to hear someone else's point of view on this. thank you for reading this, i know it was long, sorry!!! JSimp. jsimp writes: >I know that caring for someone is much greater that caring about a >virus. and I know that there is many worse things out there, but >being without someone that you care about because of a virus is much >worse than anything. Reading the above paragraph, sounds like you already have it figured out. And I agree with it. As for the age difference, same logic applies. Granted, he was a little slow in mentioning his herpes status but at least he finally came out with it. You might explain to him that you'll expect him to be more open with you from here on out. >I just need to hear >someone else's point of view on this. Mine's not worth much but there you have it. Good luck ;-) M2 On Apr 7, 5:36 am, j_simpson_sweet_kis...@yahoo.com wrote: > Hi all, > So there is this man that I have gone out on a couple dates with. We [quoted text clipped - 43 lines] > > JSimp. Well, JSimp, I think M2 is more forgiving than I would be. There is a thing called "trust" and I'm not sure how you can trust him to be fully honest and open with you in the future if he has hidden something like this from you to begin with. It's not like he didn't know that he had it....he did. He chose not to tell you for whatever reason. Sounds like he does want to be with you and maybe he thought you wouldn't be with him if you knew. But still. You said he was 22 years older, but that doesn't tell us how old you are. I'm guessing maybe in your twenties? Twenty-two years is a lot of difference and although I'm not saying it won't work...I'm just saying that your lives are in very different places. Just make sure that he's the one for you. What's done is done. So I guess "my" advice would be to take it slow. You need to get yourself tested to make sure you do indeed have HSV-2. Even if you do, you need to make sure you are settling down with this guy for the RIGHT reasons...not just because you both share the same virus. You mentioned that you were scared of committment...maybe you're just not ready to marry and settle down yet, and there's nothing wrong with waiting. I guess I'm just old enough, and skeptical enough, to be pissed off for you. You mentioned that he "didn't ask for this by any means"...but did you? He made the choice for you just as his ex-wife (perhaps) made the choice for him. So, just as you feel sorry for him...I feel sorry for you. I feel that maybe he did this thinking that it would "force" you to stay with him, ya know? Like, "I'll give her this virus and then she'll have to stay with me". Trust me, there are many more people out there living with HSV-2 than you can imagine, so don't settle just because you have the same thing as him. Plus, there are many couples that have married with only one partner having HSV and they are totally happy....just ask Yoshi! :) I wish you the best of luck in your decision. No one can make it for you...just as long as you are happy...that's all that matters! Michelle > Hi all, > So there is this man that I have gone out on a couple dates with. We [quoted text clipped - 43 lines] > > JSimp. Hi There, I'm sorry that you are having to go through a lot right now. If it was me in this situation, I would go to my doc right now while you have something going on "down there" to swab and get tested. That way you will know one way or another. Nightowl said many things I absolutely agree with. Herpes aside, can you trust this man. Will he make other decisions for you later? Is this the only virus he has that he did not mention? The age difference may make him feel like herpes is nothing to get upset over, since he is a lot older than you. I don't know. When I was single I dated an older guy and we got along great. My husband is eight years older than me. Just try to put your emotions on hold for a minute and think where you will be in a year? In five years? Ten? Maybe that will let you think things out with a little perspective. In any case, Good Luck! If you do have the herp come and talk to us in here any time. You can talk to us even if you don't have it. Take Care, Wanda I'm with Nightowl. This man used you. Exposed you to a virus. Didn't use a condom even though he knew he had a sexually transmitted disease. He is not to be trusted. How much else has he lied to you about? I'll place money on it that it wasn't his wife who was cheating on him... This man is bad news. Be thankful you learned about the fact that he can't be trusted before you got in too deep. In the meantime, get to a doctor. You need a full battery of std tests. Herpes tests are not included on the standard std testing, so you have to ask for it by name. If you can get to the doctor Tuesday, it might not be too late to have the bump you feel cultured. I cannot stress to you enough how important this is. And I also agree that if he infected you, it's like being blackmailed into staying with him. This guy is bad news. The virus isn't bad. It's the person with the virus who can be bad. ar > Hi all, > So there is this man that I have gone out on a couple dates with. We [quoted text clipped - 43 lines] > > JSimp. >I'm with Nightowl. .... well .... :-P~~~~~ >He is not to be trusted. People make mistakes! We don't know this guy from Adam's housecat. I'm not saying she SHOULD trust him. I'm just saying that if SHE thinks the guy might be redeemable, and worth the risk, a screw up like that, especially right off the bat at the beginning of a relationship, doesn't necessarily mean he shouldn't deserve further consideration. Maybe he's learned his lesson. There's lots more to consider than just what we know so far. So I'm just saying don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Maybe he deserves to be tossed, maybe he doesn't. I don't see how we can know which way to go here. JSimp's gonna have to feel her way through this one herself. >I'll place money on it that it >wasn't his wife who was cheating on him... I'll admit, that thought was the first to occur to me. But.. -<shrug>... what if it's the truth? Jeeze, I've been wrong about people lots of times. If she's as attracted to the guy as she seems, I don't see the problem in checking him out a bit further. Yes be cautious but... what the hey. >In the meantime, get to a doctor. You need a full battery of std tests. Agreed. And I'd suggest dragging the guy along as well. M2 The bottom line, M2, is that you are an incredible guy. If all the men were as wonderful as you...well, I know I'd be a lot happier. :) The original poster will need to make her own decision--as you mentioned. But trust is too important to me in a relationship and I don't know if I could ever forgive this. ar >>I'm with Nightowl. > [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > > M2 >The bottom line, M2, is that you are an incredible guy. .... aw shucks. Ar <blushing>. Nnnaaawww.... as incredible guys go, I'm pretty average ;-) M2 <--- pardon me whilst I go deflate my head a little ;-) >>The bottom line, M2, is that you are an incredible guy. > > .... aw shucks. Ar <blushing>. Nnnaaawww.... as incredible guys go, > I'm pretty average ;-) > > M2 <--- pardon me whilst I go deflate my head a little ;-) And humble, too! The guy should have used a condom ! That really is the issue here. He should be responsible enough to use a condom every single time without exception. And if he passed on it he was probably having an outbreak so that makes it even worse. |
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