Question about my "gift"

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WD - 17 Aug 2006 13:30 GMT

I have been reading the posts in here for almost a year and need some
info. A liitle history, I am the person who recieved genital herpes
from my wife, last October ( who was cheating on me,she got it from
the boyfriend )

We are going through the divorce and it looks as if the process will
end soon. I have had an outbreak almost every 6-8 weeks since
October. I am taking Valtrex when they occur.

I am confused , as I write this, I am going through the symptoms.
I went to bed last night and could sense it kicking in, I sweat
profusely and yet shiver at the same time. Nauseau, and lightheaded.
Could not sleep.
And of course the "feeling" down below. Is it normal for it to kick in
that quick? Am I missing any signs of it coming on where if I took the
valtrex earlier it would lesson the symptoms? I am a firefighter and
cannot go to work in this condition. Not all of the outbreaks are
this severe, as a matter of fact todays seems to be like my very first
one. I know stress brings them on and I know over time they may not
be as severe. Going through the divorce has definately added to my
stress level. Damn I hate this feeling.....any insight would be
appreciated. Just as a sideline if age is a factor I am 51.

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grant - 17 Aug 2006 14:00 GMT

Hi WD,

I've been wondering how you are doing.

First, instead of trying to figure out when those first signs of an outbreak
are coming on, go on Valtrex suppressively. That's when you take a pill
every day. Talk to your doctor about the dose, I'm not sure what it is.
This will eleviate that tiny bit of stress you are giving yourself over
outbreaks. You'll probably still get an outbreak or two, but since you
would be taking Valtrex daily, you are already on the protocol and the
outbreaks should be less severe as well as less frequent.

Second, stress causes lots of other health problems. Perhaps a complete
physical would be in order? Especially one that test for thyroid function
and adrenal function.

I wish you luck.

ar

>I have been reading the posts in here for almost a year and need some
> info. A liitle history, I am the person who recieved genital herpes
[quoted text clipped - 18 lines]
> stress level. Damn I hate this feeling.....any insight would be
> appreciated. Just as a sideline if age is a factor I am 51.

Reply to this Message

WD - 17 Aug 2006 14:30 GMT

Thaks Grant I was hoping you would reply.
I get a physical every year on the job. Should be getting one in a
couple weeks for this year. Stress????? yea I've got a healthy dose of
it right now. I firmly believe I'll get back on track when the divorce
is finalized. It looks like that may happen in a couple of weeks. Just
to let you know it will work out where she gets the house (about 300K)
I will pay her some alimony, but I keep my drop money (about 200K) and
I keep my pension about 45k ayear. So I did not do to bad. I was
hop[ing the disease would play into it but I could not take the chance
of the judge saying sorry about that but she is entitled to 50 percent
of eveything. Florida is a no fault state. And yes we did deposition
her , 4 boyfriends since 2000, and all unprotected sex. YOUCH

I am a little leary of taking the pill everyday as the cost will not
help my situation and what are the long term effects of this in my
body. I am hoping that they wiil subside on their own as time and
immune system all kick in. Good choice for now??? Or do you really
think your way is the way to go?
If I go that route can I stop the daily in the future?

Thanks for your input. May I ask how long you have been living with
it?

>Hi WD,
>
[quoted text clipped - 38 lines]
>> stress level. Damn I hate this feeling.....any insight would be
>> appreciated. Just as a sideline if age is a factor I am 51.

Reply to this Message

grant - 17 Aug 2006 15:00 GMT

Hi WD,

I'm glad your divorce is almost finished. My divorce was very stressful and
after three years, I am still dealing with it. My husband got the house and
a lot of my money and doesn't pay alimony. It was an amicable split and the
reason I left was because he has mental disorders he did not wish to treat.
We are still good friends and he helps me out whenever he can. But I am
having severe financial problems as a fall-out from the divorce and it is
really causing me some awful stress.

I've had genital type 1 for 21 years. My first two years were pretty awful
and back then, there really weren't any meds to take. Overtime, the
outbreaks lessened and now I rarely have one.

I believe the long-term prognosis for the antivirals is pretty good (at
least that's what they say at this time). And you can stop at anytime. But
I completely understand not wanting to take them. So remember, there's no
need to take them at all if you don't want to. But if you are stressing
about your outbreaks, then it might be a good idea to help eleviate that
stress by going suppressive for six months or so. Let your body get used to
having herpes. Then go off the meds and see how you do. In other words,
use them as a short-term crutch.

However, if you don't wish to use the meds, remember you can take ibuprofin
(or other otc med) for fever, pain, and swelling. You can also make sure
you eat right and because you are under so much stress, make sure you are
taking a good multivitamin to deal with the damage your stress is doing to
your body.

I'm glad you've got a physical coming up. Again, make sure they check for
thyroid and ask about adrenal stuff because of the stress.

Oh, and you asked if going my way was the way to go. :) Funny, my way is
no medicine at all. I just want to help you through this stressful period
and sometimes doing one tiny thing for yourself helps more than you can
believe.

Good luck to you.
ar

> Thaks Grant I was hoping you would reply.
> I get a physical every year on the job. Should be getting one in a
[quoted text clipped - 61 lines]
>>> stress level. Damn I hate this feeling.....any insight would be
>>> appreciated. Just as a sideline if age is a factor I am 51.

Reply to this Message

WD - 17 Aug 2006 15:16 GMT

Grant's a female......huh, preconceieved notions have always been my
downfall. LOL Sounds like you went through alot also. I appreciate
your help and advice. I think I will wait a liitle and weigh it all
out. Like I said , once the divorce is final I can move on and I
believe it will all come into "balance". I think I am making
progress. I am over all the initial depression and anxiety, not 100
percent but I, as well as those around me have seen a change. I have
to adapt to my new lifestyle....single at 51, yea that scares me a
little. Time will heal all. And do I regret being married to her for
27 years....no. We have 2 beautiful daughters....my blessing!!!!

Thanks again , my initial concern was if the severity was abnormal
after all this time. I guess 10 months really is not that much time
with the gift.

>Hi WD,
>
[quoted text clipped - 101 lines]
>>>> stress level. Damn I hate this feeling.....any insight would be
>>>> appreciated. Just as a sideline if age is a factor I am 51.

Reply to this Message

grant - 17 Aug 2006 15:44 GMT

Hi WD,

Grant is my last name. :)

I'm glad to hear you're making progress. That's huge. :) And 10 months is
a very short amount of time as far as the 'gift' goes. :) It does take
quite a bit of time for the body to build up enough antibodies to really
fight coming outbreaks. Generally speaking, it takes about a year. And
stress lowers your immune system, so that could definitely be attributing to
what's going on with your current outbreak status. I would say you are
currently right on schedule.

Just remember to treat yourself gently when you can.

ar

> Grant's a female......huh, preconceieved notions have always been my
> downfall. LOL Sounds like you went through alot also. I appreciate
[quoted text clipped - 124 lines]
>>>>> stress level. Damn I hate this feeling.....any insight would be
>>>>> appreciated. Just as a sideline if age is a factor I am 51.

Reply to this Message

Yoshi2me - 18 Aug 2006 01:36 GMT

Hi WD ~

Wanted to jump in here and share a little bit with you ~

I was on suppressive therapy taking 500 mg of Valtrex daily for two years
straight. When I stopped suppressive therapy it was nine months before I got
my first outbreak. That first one after stopping only took a couple of days
to clear up. I have been off suppressive since the spring of 2001. I have
had genital herpes since about 1995 or 96 ~ I've had it for so long that I
don't exactly remember which year I contracted it. I do have my bio up if
you'd like to take a look:
http://www.yoshi2me.com/herpes-biography.html

Now if you don't want to go on suppressive therapy that is completely up to
you. Suppressive therapy is not for everybody. I think the reason why AR
suggested it is because from your post it seemed like you were having a lot
of discomfort. If you do decide to try the suppressive therapy you can stop
it any time you want.

Hope this helps,

Angela :)

Signature

"By opening up to a partner and talking about an STD diagnosis you are
showing that you respect and care about yourself as well as the other
person."

Herpes Help
http://yoshi2me.com/index.html

Shut Up & Post!
http://yoshi2me.com/phpbb/index.php

Herpes Blog
http://herpes-help.blogspot.com/

> I am a little leary of taking the pill everyday as the cost will not
> help my situation and what are the long term effects of this in my
[quoted text clipped - 5 lines]
> Thanks for your input. May I ask how long you have been living with
> it?

Reply to this Message

Eric - 19 Aug 2006 00:25 GMT

Try to look for ways to reduce your stress right now. I can only
imagine how stressful the divorice is, so maybe spend some time with an
enjoyable diversion--go fishing, golfing, hiking, or whatever sport or
activity you like to do. Stess has been linked as a outbreak trigger,
but the phrase "which comes first, the herpes or the stress" pretty
much sums up herpes and stress..LOL

I know this might sound odd, but I think not pursuing her in court over
the HSV was a good move. It's very difficult to prove who gave who HSV
and when you were first infected with the virus, and it's embarrassing
sifting through your intimate lives.

I wouldn't be too leary about taking Valtrex suppressively. It's true
the drug is expensive, but if your health insurance won't cover it
(most do), get Zovirax (acyclovir), it's much cheaper but the trade-off
is that the dosage regimen isn't as convenient. These drugs have been
around for a while (Zovirax since the 80's) and all research indicates
they are safe, but you should talk to your doctor about this, he/she
could tell you much more about their safety and even cost on your
health plan.

Given your situation, I think you should strongly consider an
anti-viral. If you take it daily and then down the road decide not to,
you can stop. Have you also considered other treatments such as
Dermaplast or even lysine?

~Eric

> Thaks Grant I was hoping you would reply.
> I get a physical every year on the job. Should be getting one in a
[quoted text clipped - 15 lines]
> think your way is the way to go?
> If I go that route can I stop the daily in the future?

Reply to this Message

Yoshi2me - 18 Aug 2006 01:28 GMT

I completely agree with everything that AR has said below and would just
like to add that if you do decide to go on suppressive therapy to be sure
you rule out any other possibilities before doing so. Make sure this is
really herpes that is causing you that extra hardship. The way that you
described your situation earlier it seems as though this outbreak is worse
for some reason. Have you been in touch with your doctor about all this?

Hang in there and keep us posted, k?

Angela :)

Signature

> Hi WD,
>
[quoted text clipped - 38 lines]
>> stress level. Damn I hate this feeling.....any insight would be
>> appreciated. Just as a sideline if age is a factor I am 51.

Reply to this Message

Yoshi2me - 18 Aug 2006 01:20 GMT

Are you saying that this outbreak is different from the rest in that it's a
lot more severe?

Angela

Signature

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WD - 18 Aug 2006 03:22 GMT

No doubt its' an outbreak. It seems very close in severity and the
"systemic" attributes to my first outbreak. (back in Oct) But to
coincide with that, my divorce getting closer to the end, the
deposition of the stbx, me having to go out and rent a house ( a first
for me as I purchased my first house at a young age) has put the
stress level back to the heights it was when all this first came about
(Oct, first outbreak)

I have had< i belive a total of 6-7 since, and they all have been
different except for the obvious one constant. As a matter of fact the
last one had absolutely no systemic symptoms but the '" sore" was
there for a total of ten days. ( nice reminder)

So I guess I just need a little encouragement. Been a rough day
"shivers and sweats" and oh yea the burn!!!!

48 hours no sleep , I might check for a reply in a couple, if not
first a.m.

Thank both of you so much!!!!

Know any nice single females in Fla???? LOL

>Are you saying that this outbreak is different from the rest in that it's a
>lot more severe?
>
>Angela

Reply to this Message

Yoshi2me - 18 Aug 2006 16:42 GMT

The very LAST thing that should ever be on your mind is finding a nice
single female in Florida. Give yourself a break already - you have enough
going on. lol :)

Signature

> No doubt its' an outbreak. It seems very close in severity and the
> "systemic" attributes to my first outbreak. (back in Oct) But to
[quoted text clipped - 24 lines]
>>
>>Angela

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nightowl - 18 Aug 2006 21:46 GMT

WD,

I was reading your post today and I had to respond. I may have missed
your initial post, and I don't know if you have type 1 or type 2. I'm
gonna make an assumption that it's type 2, but I could be wrong.

The reason I'm writing is purely for support. My husband, too, is a
firefighter. And we're about your age. He's 47 and I'm 46. I gave
him HSV-1 genitally after 29 years together. I engaged in risky
behavior with one man several months ago (at that time our marriage was
on the verge of collapse). And although I did not have intercourse,
only foreplay, I felt at that time that I might have gotten something
from this man and passed it on to my husband. As it turns out, I
passed on the oral HSV-1 that I have had since I was, geez, in my early
twenties. I have never even come close to being with another man other
than that one time. My (and our's together )stupidity is what resulted
in him getting "the gift" from me. Several times in our marriage I had
performed oral sex on him while either getting, having, or healing from
an outbreak. I guess all those other times, we were just lucky. Then
in March, the luck ran out and he broke out within a week from the time
I gave him oral sex.

Why am I telling you this? Don't know really. I guess it's cause I
don't want you to go to work or anywhere else and think you're the only
person that has this. Not that you would. But I remember when all
this was coming out for us, that I would walk at the mall and think
"does he have it?"..."does she have it?". For me, I find alot of
comfort in knowing I'm not alone. The sad thing is, not many people
talk about it. But there are more of us with it than you can imagine.

As far as the Valtrex goes, yes it's damned expensive. When my hubby
was first diagnosed..and we weren't sure if it was type 1 or 2, they
gave him a Rx for Valtrex and our part, after insurance, was $80 and I
wanna say it was only for a two week course. What about taking
Acyclovir or Famvir...those have been around longer and will be less
expensive and (as Eric or someone else can tell you) are the same
thing, basically, as Valtrex. If you're having outbreaks that often,
I'd look into taking it suppressively. And yes, going to work with a
severe outbreak would be difficult for you. The stress of your job and
the stress of getting a divorce may be aiding in your frequent
outbreaks...I know stress is a factor for a lot of people.

To more basic stuff -- sorry you lost your house, but at least by
keeping your pension and drop money, you'll be okay. Will you be
retiring soon? Here, where we are in Texas, they can only remain in
the drop for 5 years...it may be the same for you, too.

Anyway WD, I know I didn't make any major contribution to your life
with this post. I guess it's just the kinship of the fire dept. family
that made me write to you. I wish you the best, and I look forward to
reading your posts in the future.

Michelle Smith
bigchicken1960@yahoo.com

> I have been reading the posts in here for almost a year and need some
> info. A liitle history, I am the person who recieved genital herpes
[quoted text clipped - 18 lines]
> stress level. Damn I hate this feeling.....any insight would be
> appreciated. Just as a sideline if age is a factor I am 51.

Reply to this Message

WD - 19 Aug 2006 10:11 GMT

Thank's for the replies to Yoshi2me, Eric, and Nightowl. I'll just
reply to all three with this one post.

Yoshi2me....... looking for the single female in Fla was tongue in
cheek. But I am having a rough time with the lack of.....!! Let me put
it this way, celibacy sucks. (play on words there) But I am also aware
that I am probably not ready or (bear my soul) capable of any intamicy
at this time. I miss it after 28 years of marriage. 10 months is a
long time. A prostitute is out of the question as if caught I could
lose my job over it.

Eric......Thanks for the input. I am still researching all my
options.Never even heard of those two items. Yes , reducing the stress
would be a good idea. Easier said than done. Especially when I go
through two days of hell as I just have with this. I do believe after
the divorce is final.......

and finally to Nightowl

Obviously I do not condone your having an extramarital relationship .
But I appreciate your honesty, and its not my place to judge you.
I can honestly say that I never cheated in my 28 years. I am proud of
that. (and yes I have been hit up on alot , as you well know firemen
are fairly popular , since 9/11. Of course have NOT been hit on since
Oct.) I am concerned about the example my STBX is setting for my two
(single) daughters (21 and 18) They have both stated they see no
problem with adulturey. (but yet they have stated that "mom" pretty
much screwed me ) I'll work on all that down the road.

Yes I have Genital Herpes, I am sure I put that in an earlier post.Yes
I know a lot of people have it. My "issue" (which I am sure as time
passes I will get over) is HOW I got it. I feel its unfair, I feel
violated and used. Used in the sense that she did all this and has
shown absolutely no remorse. Told me flat out she was going to keep
doing it till she got caught. Just abiding her time as propery values
went up and pension etc, etc. I'll get over it.

On to a lighter note. I am an ex-paramedic, gave up the patch in 1985.
Have been with St. Pete F.D. since 1977. I have 1 year in the drop and
yes your right, can only do it for a total of 5. I work at the slowest
station ( its on an island that has the wealthiest people in the area,
all million dollar plus houses) Its in Tierra Verde, which is at the
southern tip of St Pete/ pinellas county. Home to Ft. Desoto beach
which was just named the #1 beach in the nation. (yea thats really
increased the traffic) We average three (don't laugh) calls a
shift.We are an ALS engine 4 guys (all dear friends) I am the driver.
I have been at this firehouse for 10 years and the most calls we have
had in a shift was 6. But the city as a whole has 300 paid, unionized
firefighters, and runs well over 50,000 calls a year. We get our
hurricanes, we get our riots, but I still like Fla. Especially when
ya'all pay big bucks to come here to see a mouse. LOL

I am grateful for the brotherhood I serve in. Its a shame it took the
towers on 9/11 to bring our heroism to light. I cried over the loss of
my brothers in New York. ( yea I'm kind of sensitive)
Thanks to all three for all your help and concern. It does make me
feel good that someone is out there that has the disease and is will
to openly discuus it with me. The crew at my station knows I have it
but obviously can't help much as all three of them do not have it.

Wayne

>I was reading your post today and I had to respond. I may have missed
>your initial post, and I don't know if you have type 1 or type 2. I'm
>gonna make an assumption that it's type 2, but I could be wrong.
>
>T

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