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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Herpes / December 2006Sort of herpes
Hello herpes support list, A few months ago I have extremely unfortunately given my girlfriend genital herpes by oral sex. Now I've been doing quite some research on it but still have a few questions, eventhough I have a general idea I'm not certain about the answers of these questions. My girlfriend has had genital herpes for aprox. 4 months and has had 5 outbreaks. The first outbreaks were absolutely horrible, she was in so much pain that she (we) cried for days and was unable to do anything. Even though the degree of the outbreaks has reduced a bit, she is still in complete agony during an outbreak. Is this normal? We don't know which form of herpes she has yet (we did not know there were two sorts) so we're going to get our doctor to do the tests. Would you say considering the outbreaks that it is probably hsv-2? When she was first diagnosed to have genital herpes, the doctor told us there was an anti viral that can be taken in the first 6 hours of an outbreak but which is an injection so one would have to go to the doctors in the first 6 hours which is virtually impossible with our NHS (the UK National Health Service). Now I have read about "Valtrex" - can one get this at the NHS? Do you need a prescription for it or can you buy it at ones local pharmacist? Is it expensive? Do you need to take it on a daily basis? Is there anything one can take when there already is an outbreak so it will be reduced? Is it recommended not to take antibiotics because it might decrease the body's resistance and might cause an outbreak? Now 2 months ago my girlfriend decided to go on the pill. Of course we're still using condoms, and she mainly uses the pill to regulate her periods. Now we suspect the pill to be related to her last 2 outbreaks. They have been at the same time of the month, just one week before her period, which is when the hormonal status is the highest (I believe anyway). Could there be any correlation between her taking the pill and getting outbreaks? I cannot forgive myself for giving my girlfriend herpes and do not know how best to support her. If anybody has any tips for emotional processing and accepting, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much in advance, J John, First things first, how do you know you gave her herpes via oral sex? Did either of you get cultures or type-specific blood tests to determine which virus is actually the culprit? I say this because genital hsv-1 follows the distribution of 40% have 1 ob ever, 50% have 1-2 obs over 1-2 years and then nothing, and only around 10% have more than this, but it sounds highly unlikely that genital hsv-1 would recur with the frequency she is experiencing. I would tell her to hit up a doc and get some Valtrex. This will relieve her symptoms, as well as extra strength tylenol or advil or even aspirin. For an active lesion, find Dermaplast at your local pharmacy. Figure out which type you have (make this a priority) and then it'll be much easier for me to give you tips on emotional processing, there are too many unknowns at this point. Hang in there! ~Eric > Hello herpes support list, > [quoted text clipped - 37 lines] > Thank you so much in advance, > J Dear Eric, Thank you very much for your swift and informing reply. > First things first, how do you know you gave her herpes via oral sex? > Did either of you get cultures or type-specific blood tests to > determine which virus is actually the culprit? I had a cold sore on my lip for a week or so, soon after it appeared gone, I (stupidly!!) provided oral sex to my girlfriend. A short while after, my girlfriend got intense pains and went to the doctor who told us it seemed like herpes. Then my girlfriend went to the a G.U.M. clinic for tests (I do not exactly know which tests) and it turned out to be herpes. I will ask her if they told her which sort of herpes it is. One of my big problems with her herpes is that I always seem to end up crying when trying to talk about the subject because I blame myself for making her life very difficult. Therefore I'm trying not to bring it up very much and try to distract attention from it and be sad in my alone time. We have not talked about it excessively, the topic seems an open nerve in our relationship. Do they have standard tests at the G.U.M. clinic, and if so - do they test/tell which sort of herpes one has? > I say this because genital hsv-1 follows the distribution of 40% have > 1 ob ever, 50% have 1-2 obs over 1-2 years and then nothing, and only > around 10% have more than this, but it sounds highly unlikely that > genital hsv-1 would recur with the frequency she is experiencing. Meaning it *probably* is hsv-2 then? Is the frequency of outbreaks she has normal for people who have hsv-2? > I would tell her to hit up a doc and get some Valtrex. This will > relieve her symptoms, as well as extra strength tylenol or advil or > even aspirin. For an active lesion, find Dermaplast at your local > pharmacy. Figure out which type you have (make this a priority) and > then it'll be much easier for me to give you tips on emotional > processing, there are too many unknowns at this point. Thank you! I will do my best in finding out. Also, my girlfriend is slightly overweight and does not seem extremely healthy. I know this might cause a reduced body resistance and can "activate" oral herpes (cold sores). Does this work the same way with genital herpes? Thanks again, J > Hang in there! > [quoted text clipped - 40 lines] > > Thank you so much in advance, > > J John, > Thank you very much for your swift and informing reply. Your welcome :-) > I had a cold sore on my lip for a week or so, soon after it appeared gone, I > (stupidly!!) provided oral sex to my girlfriend. A short while after, my [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > it and be sad in my alone time. We have not talked about it excessively, the > topic seems an open nerve in our relationship. Ok, here's where you stand right now: while it sounds likely that since you had the cold sore at the time she does indeed have type-1, the best course of action would be to both get type-specific testing done or even have her lesion cultured as soon as it returns. See where you both stand in terms of who has what viruses. > Do they have standard tests at the G.U.M. clinic, and if so - do they > test/tell which sort of herpes one has? They sure do. Tell them you need a "type-specific IgG antibody test" or have them culture an active lesion and they can type the virus. > Meaning it *probably* is hsv-2 then? Is the frequency of outbreaks she has > normal for people who have hsv-2? Typically, people with hsv-2 experience many more outbreaks, especially in their first year of infection, than do people with hsv-1. I have hsv-1 (positive by blood test) and I'm not even sure where it is! > Thank you! I will do my best in finding out. The quicker you can get informed and get her informed, the better this will be! > Also, my girlfriend is slightly overweight and does not seem extremely > healthy. I know this might cause a reduced body resistance and can > "activate" oral herpes (cold sores). Does this work the same way with > genital herpes? Well if she goes to a doctor, they can tell pretty well from an antibody test how well her immune system is functioning, but not totally. In any event, a medical professional will be able to provide some insight into why her obs are occuring so closely together. John, when all is said and done, if you gave her hsv-1, take comfort in knowing that there really is essentially nothing that can be done to prevent the transmission of this virus, and make sure she knows that having hsv-1 makes her more "normal" than those w/o the virus. This is evident by the up to 90% rate of prevalence. In fact, it is very much controversial as to whether people with hsv-1 even have to tell anyone about it because the virus is so common. In terms of stigma, I don't care what other people have to say, hsv-1 can't hold a candle to hsv-2, and while that's truly unfortunate, it is true. Hang in there, ~Eric > Typically, people with hsv-2 experience many more outbreaks, especially > in their first year of infection, than do people with hsv-1. I have > hsv-1 (positive by blood test) and I'm not even sure where it is! And yet there are all those people with type 2 out there who have never had an outbreak. Type 1 can be just as awful as type 2 the first year or two. > John, when all is said and done, if you gave her hsv-1, take comfort in > knowing that there really is essentially nothing that can be done to [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > care what other people have to say, hsv-1 can't hold a candle to hsv-2, > and while that's truly unfortunate, it is true. Hogwash. Telling this girl who is in such terrible pain and is now infected with genital herpes that she is more "normal" is not going to make her feel better. As a matter-of-fact, it's a sure way to make sure the person saying such crap comes off as being uncaring and selfish. It sounds like they are trying to absolve themselves of guilt. And Eric, here you go making that gulf between type 2 and 1 even bigger. You do the exact opposite of what you say. There is no controversy except in Eric's head. People with genital herpes, type 1 or 2, need to tell their partners. And people with oral herpes, type 1 or 2, need to tell their partners before engaging in oral sex. Forget the types. Genital herpes is genital herpes. The stigma is the same whether it is type 1 or 2. ar John, I agree with ar ..... do not listen to Eric he thinks his own way not neccessarily the right way. Ar knows what she is talking about!! hmmm so eric from your figures then 100 million ( the remaining 10 percent) people in the USA DO NOT have HSV-1, knowing that doesn't make me feel any better. Plus, when I was diagnosed 25 years ago I told my sister right away cause I'm that type of person, I feel pain I want someone else to be with me, comfort me, make me feel like a person. I still felt alone with my newfound Gift! In past 25 years I can count on 1 hand how many people I know with the Gift. Numbers means nothing to me either.My experience in the beginning was my own. I knew no one with the same problem at that time. All I knew from my Doctors own eyes was that I had my initial Herpes OB.If my Dr had said there is a support group here at the hospital that can answer your questions, maybe then I would not have felt so alone with this new condition. I think now 25 years later there are only online support groups, now what does that mean? > hmmm so eric from your figures then 100 million ( the remaining 10 > percent) [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > condition. I think now 25 years later there are only online support > groups, now what does that mean? I'm sorry that you don't feel any better knowing that. Do you have hsv-1? If not it's easy to understand why, LOL. Maybe if you had known at the time that if you indeed have hsv-1 that you are in the high majority you would have felt better. Maybe if your doc told you what mine told me, i.e. "put it out of your mind", you would have been better too. Since the advent of type-specific testing, viral type has become an issue, so maybe that's why you and Grant don't look at the significance of viral type as the newly diagnosed now do. I'm going to jump in here because again, you are missing the point: > I'm sorry that you don't feel any better knowing that. Do you have > hsv-1? If not it's easy to understand why, LOL. Maybe if you had known [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > issue, so maybe that's why you and Grant don't look at the significance > of viral type as the newly diagnosed now do. I DO have genital type 1 and your numbers do not help me feel any better. And knowing people with cold sores did nothing to help me feel better because I DON'T HAVE COLD SORES. My doc did tell me that, but he was an a.s and didn't have genital herpes so how could he possibly know what I'm going through? Perhaps you should think of it this way, you have no outbreaks. So what makes you qualified to give advice to someone whose outbreaks are so awful she can't get out of bed? ar > I DO have genital type 1 and your numbers do not help me feel any better. > And knowing people with cold sores did nothing to help me feel better > because I DON'T HAVE COLD SORES. My doc did tell me that, but he was an a.s > and didn't have genital herpes so how could he possibly know what I'm going > through? I know the numbers don't make you feel any better, you've been telling me that since I've known you. But why do you presume that they don't help other people? Just because they don't help you, that doesn't mean that there aren't tons of people out there seeking reassurance in the form of facts and statistics. Of course you don't have cold sores, we're not talking about that. We're talking about hsv-1, you know that little virus which up to 90% of people have? I'm sorry you didn't like your docs advice and think he's an a.s--why don't you find a different doc, one who is more compassionate, certainly one who won't use any statistics at all. :-) > Perhaps you should think of it this way, you have no outbreaks. So what > makes you qualified to give advice to someone whose outbreaks are so awful > she can't get out of bed? What makes me qualified is that even though I have no ob's and others have frequent, this is the nature of herpes. There tends to be differences in the severity of ob's based on being male or female. The majority of people with hsv-1 and hsv-2 are asymptomatic. And yet some people are plagued by horrible ob's. My heart goes out to these people, truely. But no matter how few or how many, people with hsv-1 or hsv-2 have a community. And my goal all along has been to give people an idea of how common hsv is, in particular hsv-1. People diagnosed have feelings of loneliness and isolation and my goal is to make them feel like they are indeed not alone. ~Eric > I know the numbers don't make you feel any better, you've been telling > me that since I've known you. But why do you presume that they don't > help other people? Just because they don't help you, that doesn't mean > that there aren't tons of people out there seeking reassurance in the > form of facts and statistics. There ARE people who come here and ask for the numbers. And in those cases, your information will be very valuable. But you are still missing my point. > Of course you don't have cold sores, we're not talking about that. > We're talking about hsv-1, you know that little virus which up to 90% > of people have? I'm sorry you didn't like your docs advice and think > he's an a.s--why don't you find a different doc, one who is more > compassionate, certainly one who won't use any statistics at all. :-) Here's where your information goes wrong. We ARE talking about genital herpes here. Your information does nothing to help those with genital herpes type 1. They are dealing with having genital herpes. It doesn't matter if it is type 1 or 2, it is still genital herpes. This is what I keep repeating over and over and yet you still do not understand it. We are talking about genital herpes. Let me repeat that again, GENITAL HERPES. Your statistics do nothing to address this. Not one bit. Your little glib remark about "that little virus which up to 90% of people have" is precisely what I'm talking about with your numbers and purely bad, bad advice. Telling someone 90% of the population has type 1 doesn't mean squat. A person who has just been diagnosed with genital herpes needs to deal with that first. And, by the way, before you get too condescending, that doctor was 21 years ago. >> Perhaps you should think of it this way, you have no outbreaks. So what >> makes you qualified to give advice to someone whose outbreaks are so [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > people are plagued by horrible ob's. My heart goes out to these people, > truely. Yet you seem to be unable to show any compassion. > But no matter how few or how many, people with hsv-1 or hsv-2 have a > community. And my goal all along has been to give people an idea of how > common hsv is, in particular hsv-1. People diagnosed have feelings of > loneliness and isolation and my goal is to make them feel like they are > indeed not alone. Showing someone there is a large community is great. Fabulous. Try to do that in a compassionate way. ar > There ARE people who come here and ask for the numbers. And in those cases, > your information will be very valuable. But you are still missing my point. My point is, think of these people. Don't just damn statistics because you don't like them. > Here's where your information goes wrong. We ARE talking about genital > herpes here. Your information does nothing to help those with genital > herpes type 1. They are dealing with having genital herpes. It doesn't > matter if it is type 1 or 2, it is still genital herpes. Of course it's genital herpes. And hsv-2 of the lip is still oral herpes. But my point is that the viruses behave so differently in different spots that this is an important point! > This is what I keep repeating over and over and yet you still do not understand it. We > talking about genital herpes. Let me repeat that again, GENITAL HERPES. > Your statistics do nothing to address this. Not one bit. Your little glib > remark about "that little virus which up to 90% of people have" is precisely > what I'm talking about with your numbers and purely bad, bad advice. > Telling someone 90% of the population has type 1 doesn't mean squat. No, telling you that would mean "squat" to you. Other people, like you mentioned in your moment of lucidity above, come here looking for numbers and finding out to them would help them a great deal to get their lives back together. > A person who has just been diagnosed with genital herpes needs to deal with > that first. They also need to deal with understanding that there are many, many other people out there going through what they are, and that they are not alone. > And, by the way, before you get too condescending, that doctor was 21 years > ago. Well good. Hopefully you have found a doctor that has more respect and compassion for you. > Yet you seem to be unable to show any compassion. Why, because I use stats and numbers? Give me a break. > Showing someone there is a large community is great. Fabulous. Try to do > that in a compassionate way. You know something, that's a horrible thing to say. The entire reason I'm here is based upon compassion for others so that I can in turn receive compassion. If you don't like my usage of statistics or facts or my endeavors to reach out to people in need to make them feel like they aren't alone and isolated in this, then I don't know what else to say except too bad. Go ahead and stick your head in the sand and tell yourself that what is reality isn't. Tell yourself that hsv-1 doesn't have up to 90% prevalance, tell yourself that hsv-2 doesn't have a 22% prevalence. Tell yourself that categorically, herpes is herpes and gloss over all distinctions. Never believe well-researched facts such as recurrence frequencies, shedding data, on down the line. Tell yourself that doctors pill-pushing quacks, tell yourself that no controversy exists over hsv-1 disclosure even though a leading researcher published in Harrison's Internal Medicine shows otherwise. And definitely attack and undermine anybody who presents facts and statistics in an attempt to enlighten and ease fears. > And yet there are all those people with type 2 out there who have never had > an outbreak. Type 1 can be just as awful as type 2 the first year or two. Of course there are people living with type-2 who have never had an outbreak ever. But the statistics drawn up by medical and clinical researchers have found that 40% never get another ob after their initial, 50% get 1-2 over the next 1-2 years and then nothing, while 10% get any more ob's than the other 2 categories. > > John, when all is said and done, if you gave her hsv-1, take comfort in > > knowing that there really is essentially nothing that can be done to [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > gulf between type 2 and 1 even bigger. You do the exact opposite of what > you say. Ok, so what's the alternative then? Telling her that she is now different than everyone else because she has the same virus they do? Can you seriously even be suggesting to tell her that somehow she is no longer a normal person!? He IS trying to absolve himself of guilt, and he's trying to comfort her and downplay the threat so both can cope with this together..maybe you just don't understand this situation..? > There is no controversy except in Eric's head. People with genital herpes, > type 1 or 2, need to tell their partners. And people with oral herpes, type > 1 or 2, need to tell their partners before engaging in oral sex. Well that's your opinion Grant, which I of course respect, but John deserves to know that there is quite a controversy to it. He's a grown boy and he can read and learn and form his own opinion on the matter. > Forget the types. Genital herpes is genital herpes. The stigma is the same > whether it is type 1 or 2. Again, your opinion, but I respect it as that. :-) ~Eric No Eric, YOU don't understand the situation. > Ok, so what's the alternative then? Telling her that she is now > different than everyone else because she has the same virus they do? > Can you seriously even be suggesting to tell her that somehow she is no > longer a normal person!? He IS trying to absolve himself of guilt, and > he's trying to comfort her and downplay the threat so both can cope > with this together..maybe you just don't understand this situation..? What you tell someone is how to take care of themselves. Acknowledge their pain instead of telling them their pain doesn't mean anything because of some statistic. Offer a hug and some compassion. Numbers don't mean diddly when your life has just changed. You can tell her that she is the same person now that she was before getting herpes. That her life can go on without much change. Basically, all the same stuff we all tried to tell you. If my boyfriend had said, "Hey, so what! Everyone has it." I would have taken a gun and shot him. Everyone isn't ME. People need to be treated as individuals and NOT statistics. What someone wants to hear from their partner who just infected them is more along the lines of, "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize. What can I do to help you?" Can you possibly see the difference between that and, "Hey, everyone has it." Your way is not downplaying the situation. Your way is giving someone the brush-off. ar > What you tell someone is how to take care of themselves. Acknowledge their > pain instead of telling them their pain doesn't mean anything because of [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > without much change. Basically, all the same stuff we all tried to tell > you. I don't see how trying to tell someone that they are still the person they were before they got the virus is ever a bad thing, and that the majority of the people have what the person now has. People immediately disgnosed need reassurances that their lives haven't suddenly turned upside down or that they are not now "bad people" because they have a stupid virus. My entire point is to make her see and understand how damn common it really is, because it is very reassuring to know that you are not alone. My doctor told me along the lines of "so what, everyone has it" and I just don't see how this is a bad thing. We all get chicken pox and the common cold at some time in our lives, and the vast majority of us will get hsv-1 too. No, everyone isn't you. But when you were recently diagnosed, would you rather someone tell you that you are in your own "individual" situation, or would you rather hear that the vast majority of people have what you have and likewise, you certainly aren't in it alone? As far as saying "I'm sorry, I didn't realize..." he pretty much indicated to us that he feels awful and I'm sure he has already said he was sorry a million times over. People immediately diagnosed have a need to know that they are not in this alone and that if they have hsv-1, they fit into the majority of people and that it's not a "big deal". My way is assuaging the fears of loneliness and isolation by letting people know just how common this is. Isn't that clear? Do you really think I am reciting statistics for no reason at all? ~Eric > If my boyfriend had said, "Hey, so what! Everyone has it." I would have > taken a gun and shot him. Everyone isn't ME. People need to be treated as [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > > ar > My way is assuaging the fears of loneliness and isolation by letting > people know just how common this is. Isn't that clear? Do you really > think I am reciting statistics for no reason at all? > > ~Eric Statistics have nothing to do with the human element. And that's what needs to be addressed. As I keep saying, statistics mean nothing when it happens to you. ar > Statistics have nothing to do with the human element. And that's what needs > to be addressed. As I keep saying, statistics mean nothing when it happens > to you. > > ar Hi, I can see what ar is saying. Even though alot of people have herpes it doesnt mean that everyone SHOULD get it or they would want to get it. Its true that most people have type 6+7 by age 3, then by age 6 most people get chicken pox, teens and early 20's start getting mono from kissing, and oral herpes is either spread through parents or dating around that time frame. Genital herpes is herpes like all of the others, but it doesnt make it desirable just because its common. When I found out I had gotten genital herpes, I was devestated. Al :) > Hi, > > I can see what ar is saying. Even though alot of people have herpes it > doesnt mean that everyone SHOULD get it or they would want to get it. When, did I ever say that anyone should get it or that they would want to get it? Ever? I said if someone is suffering from the virus, I tell them how common it really is so that they don't feel like their fighting it alone. > Its true that most people have type 6+7 by age 3, then by age 6 most > people get chicken pox, teens and early 20's start getting mono from > kissing, and oral herpes is either spread through parents or dating > around that time frame.Genital herpes is herpes like all of the > others, but it doesnt make it desirable just because its common. Is chicken pox, mono, or even the common cold desirable? Why do you somehow think I'm making hsv-1 out to be a desirable? It is common, period. And the best thing to tell the newly infected is exactly how common it is and that they are not alone. > When I found out I had gotten genital herpes, I was devestated. When you found out, would you have rathered someone tell you that you are your own individual person and because you are human and unique it's your fight alone, like Grant is advocating, or would you rather someone tell you, like they probably did that "it's common" and that type-1 infects the majority of people, etc., to try to make you feel like you aren't fighting it alone? ~Eric You completely dodged my question. When you were newly diagnosed, would you rather someone tell you that you are individual person who is now facing something totally new, and that statistics and other people who have it are irrelevent? Or would you rather hear that getting this virus doesn't change who you are in the least, in fact it makes you now part of the majority of people who do have this virus and as such you aren't hardly in this alone? You can't have it both ways--you either can support the person by telling them how many other people have the virus and make them feel like they are part of a larger community of people and that they are not alone, or you can turn to them and say "I'm sorry...is there anything I can do" because this disease is impacting you on a personal basis and in effect, you have to deal with this alone because you are a unique individual whose "human element" must deal with this in their own individual way. I can't wait to hear your response to this question. ~Eric > Statistics have nothing to do with the human element. And that's what needs > to be addressed. As I keep saying, statistics mean nothing when it happens > to you. > > ar Eric, I didn't dodge your question. I didn't answer it because I think it doesn't make any sense. Each person is an individual. And though herpes is common, this will be the first time someone is infected and it's huge. I cannot explain it to you in any other way. If you lack the sensitivity to understand this, then there is no way to continue this conversation. When I was first diagnosed, I WAS totally alone in that it was the first time I had ever contracted herpes. I am an individual and all those other people who had herpes at the time had no bearing on my own private suffering. Those other people ARE irrelevent because they had no bearing on what I was going through. Telling me I'm just like everyone else makes no sense because I am not like everyone else. And I did say that the virus doesn't change you, those are my words. Yes, someone is not in it alone, but that is not what YOU are saying with your statistics. If you want to tell someone they are not alone, then say it with words that convey compassion and understanding. Those numbers you spout have nothing to do with compassion or understanding. And your second paragraph makes no sense to me at all. Of course the virus impacts each person on a personal basis and each person has to deal with it alone because they have to figure out how to handle it. They can know intellectually that there are many with it, but that is not the same as dealing with it emotionally. Jeez, you should know that, considering how much trouble you had dealing with it. ar > You completely dodged my question. When you were newly diagnosed, would > you rather someone tell you that you are individual person who is now [quoted text clipped - 24 lines] >> >> ar > Eric, > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > Each person is an individual. And though herpes is common, this will be the > first time someone is infected and it's huge. I understand that. But you can either make them feel like their facing it on their own, or you can make them feel like they are their own individual person who must wrestle with this in essence, alone. > I cannot explain it to you in any other way. If you lack the sensitivity to > understand this, then there is no way to continue this conversation. This has nothing to do with sensitivity. I'm sensitive enough to notice your discomfort with statistics, and this confuses me a great deal. You have hsv-1..don't you take comfort in knowing that you are not alone and are part of the majority of people who are also dealing with this virus? > When I was first diagnosed, I WAS totally alone in that it was the first > time I had ever contracted herpes. I am an individual and all those other > people who had herpes at the time had no bearing on my own private > suffering. Feeling alone as you described, wouldn't you want someone to tell you that you have a virus which is very common and that it won't affect your life much? Wouldn't you want someone to tell you that it won't turn your life upside down or make you a bad person, because in fact so many other people are managing ok? > Those other people ARE irrelevent because they had no bearing on > what I was going through. Telling me I'm just like everyone else makes no [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > compassion and understanding. Those numbers you spout have nothing to do > with compassion or understanding. Ok, maybe you are uncomfortable with statistics and numbers. Lots of people are, but lots of people use them a ton. And for some people, myself included, knowing that up to 90% of people have hsv-1 helps a great deal. So don't let your own discomfort of stats get in the way of helping. > And your second paragraph makes no sense to me at all. Of course the virus > impacts each person on a personal basis and each person has to deal with it > alone because they have to figure out how to handle it. They can know > intellectually that there are many with it, but that is not the same as > dealing with it emotionally. Jeez, you should know that, considering how > much trouble you had dealing with it. Actually, when you are feeling emotionally unstable, you use facts and rational means to try to curb and ease the emotions. You need to know facts about why you are ok, just having someone tell you "you are ok" is meaningless. You need to know that many, many other people have what you have. ~Eric Eric, I agree with what you are saying. But that's not what you have been saying. Please listen to what I'm telling you--I'm trying to help you. As I keep saying, statistics don't mean diddly when dealing with an individual. For instance, your statistics and probabilities led this man to believe his girlfriend has type 2 when the probability is that she has type 1. Your statistics led to the wrong conclusion. Why? Because they don't mean anything when dealing with an individual. If you want to tell someone all of what you are saying below, then TELL THEM. Don't toss out numbers, which are cold and non-meaning. ar >> Eric, >> [quoted text clipped - 64 lines] > > ~Eric > Eric, > > I agree with what you are saying. But that's not what you have been saying. > Please listen to what I'm telling you--I'm trying to help you. Ok..you agree with I am saying but that's not what I have been saying..? I haven't switched my stance on this one bit--I believe that people ought to know how darn common hsv-1 is so that they don't feel alone and helpless after finding out, and I think downplaying the significance as well as plenty of statistics and facts is needed for people to cope. > As I keep saying, statistics don't mean diddly when dealing with an > individual. For instance, your statistics and probabilities led this man to > believe his girlfriend has type 2 when the probability is that she has type > 1. Your statistics led to the wrong conclusion. Why? Because they don't > mean anything when dealing with an individual. No, he asked me if it would be likely then that she has hsv-2, and I said it would be best to get an antibody test done. There is no room for uncertainty when it comes to getting a diagnosis, and that's why a type-specific antibody test or culture is essential. There was no conclusion reached what virus she has, that is yet to be determined. Numbers, probabilities, statistics, and facts all have meanings to individuals, whether you think they do or not. For some people, statistics and facts are a much needed crutch for support. People need concrete data to grab a hold of instead of simply being assured "you'll be ok"..understand? > If you want to tell someone all of what you are saying below, then TELL > THEM. Don't toss out numbers, which are cold and non-meaning. I am telling them, maybe you just don't like not using only gushy emotional language. How do you be precise and tell them facts like how many people have it w/o tossing out numbers? ~Eric > Meaning it *probably* is hsv-2 then? Is the frequency of outbreaks she has > normal for people who have hsv-2? No. Frequency and severity do not decide the type of herpes involved. > Also, my girlfriend is slightly overweight and does not seem extremely > healthy. I know this might cause a reduced body resistance and can > "activate" oral herpes (cold sores). Does this work the same way with > genital herpes? If your girlfriend is unhealthy, her herpes will be worse. The best thing she can do for herself is eat right, exercise, get plenty of rest, and cut out all things that will make her immune system weaker. ar Hi John, I have genital type 1 herpes and I got it through oral sex. The first two years were awful. Despite what others will tell you, in the beginning of infection, type 1 can be just as painful and frequent as type 2 is said to be. I was laid up in bed from the pain. I cannot describe just how awful it was. As I said, the first two years were awful. After that, I barely had outbreaks and now I'm pretty much outbreak free--21 years later. None of that will help your girlfriend right now, though. :) Iboprofin or aspirin will help with pain and swelling. Also, she can fill a bathtub with water and pee in there if she is unable to pee comfortably. Some other women have used spray bottles of water to spray on themselves while peeing. Also, I've heard that lysterine mouthwash (the original flavor) is good at numbing the area for awhile. Um...don't use it as a mouthwash, your girlfriend should use it on her genitals. :) What else can she do...her immune system is under quite a bit of stress right now. So one of the best things she can do is give her immune system everything it needs to be healthy in order to fight the outbreaks. That means eating right and getting enough sleep. Quit any unhealthy activities. You can really be a cheerleader for her in this area. Antibiotics won't have any effect on herpes because herpes is a virus. Valtrex would be a good idea if she can get it. She can take it as soon as she feels an outbreak coming on, or take one a day, every day, for the next year or so. You can help with the cost. It is expensive, but there are generics available. The big difference is that the generics will need to be taken more often than Valtrex will. The birth control pill has nothing to do with her herpes. Her changing hormones do. Many, many women have their outbreaks right around the time of their periods. Changing hormones make problems for the immune system. However, birth control pills DO contribute to yeast infections. And many times, women get herpes and yeast infections confused. I suggest your girlfriend see a doctor about making sure she doesn't have a yeast infection as well as herpes. If you know for a fact you had a cold sore when engaging in oral sex, then she more than likely has type 1. However, she should be tested just to make sure. So should you, to make sure you don't also have type 2. In case I've missed any of your questions: Yes, it is typical for women to be in agony with herpes outbreaks. Our plumbing is set up to really make things difficult for us. Symptoms or frequency of outbreaks are no way to judge if anyone has type 1 or 2. The only way is through blood tests and cultures. Yes, you can get Valtrex through the NHS, but I don't know the details. Taking Valtrex daily is called suppressive therapy and it will cut down on frequency of outbreaks and duration and severity. Taking Valtrex as soon as you feel symptoms will help shorten the life of the outbreak and the severity. I have never given anyone herpes so I don't know what to tell you there. All I can say is that you need to be as supportive as you can and understand her feelings. Communication is important, of course. Please do not hesitate to ask further questions if need be. ar > Hello herpes support list, > [quoted text clipped - 47 lines] > Thank you so much in advance, > J > Hello herpes support list, > [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > the degree of the outbreaks has reduced a bit, she is still in complete > agony during an outbreak. Is this normal? Sounds like my experience 6 years ago. The first outbreak was unbelievable. I couldn't even get out of bed it hurt so much. I was getting outbreaks every month/every other month for the first year and thought I would never get over/through this -- eventually in year 2 the outbreaks significantly reduced!! It does getting better with time (or perhaps once your mind starts accepting it you get less depressed?) > We don't know which form of herpes she has yet (we did not know there were > two sorts) so we're going to get our doctor to do the tests. Would you say [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > local pharmacist? Is it expensive? Do you need to take it on a daily > basis? In the US Valtrex is available by prescription - my insurance covers it for a copay of $20 for a 3 month supply (one a day) > Is there anything one can take when there already is an outbreak so it > will > be reduced? Since I've taken Valtrex the few outbreaks I get feel very mild,. Is it recommended not to take antibiotics because it might > decrease the body's resistance and might cause an outbreak? > [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > is when the hormonal status is the highest (I believe anyway). Could there > be any correlation between her taking the pill and getting outbreaks? More likely than not -- her period is what is causing the outbreak - not the pill. I have been on the pill long before getting herpes and my doctor told me that some woman get an outbreak every time they get their period due to hormones. > I cannot forgive myself for giving my girlfriend herpes and do not know > how [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > Thank you so much in advance, > J |
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