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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Herpes / August 2006This sucks
I found out I had herpes by giving it to my girlfriend. I never had a clue. She had just an awful break out . Went to the doctor sure enough herpes. I had a blood test at health department .Results were negative , but from reading post in here . I don't think I took the right type of test. I started looking for some signs on myself .Last week I noticed one small blister on myself. I never had any type of pain or major break out like she did . I am almost 100 % sure I infected her . Her outbreaks lessen after a few months . We stayed together for a year after . We broke up a month ago . There is just so much I don't understand about what I have . After what I seen it do to her , I am scared to get involved with anyone else now. Would it be better to just say the hell with it and stay alone ? Right now that's the plan . I would really hate for me to give this to another person i cared for . I always been kind of a loner anyway. I haven't told a soul about this . Don't think it would go over to well. This really sucks cause damn i love sex. Such a wonderful thing for two to share . Now its all screwed up. Hi Ricky, I'm sorry you went through this experience. And the emotions you are feeling right now are normal for those in this situation. But I can tell you it does get better. I'm almost positive the health department didn't give you the right test. Herpes is not included on the standard blood tests. You need to call them up and see what test they gave you and ask them if they have any blood tests that actually test for herpes alone. Or, make an appointment to see a doctor. Keep inspecting yourself and if you see a new blister, go to the doctor immediately and have it cultured. A culture is how you can find out if that blister is herpes. It may not be at all. However, you could still have herpes and not have any symptoms at all--and that's when the blood test comes in handy. I'm going to assume you've never had a cold sore? And sex isn't screwed up. The right girl won't care. You just need to learn to take precautions. And, you may want to check into taking valtrex every day. That will suppress the virus and cut down on the risks of passing to someone else. There are also herpes dating sites for those who wish to not infect someone else. Take care, ar >I found out I had herpes by giving it to my girlfriend. I never had a > clue. She had just an awful break out . Went to the doctor sure enough [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > would go over to well. This really sucks cause damn i love sex. Such a > wonderful thing for two to share . Now its all screwed up. Hi Ricky, I got herpes from someone who didn't know he had herpes either. We broke up almost immediately afterwards and, like you, I thought I'd stay away from sex for quite some time. I had a terrible first outbreak, and then constant itching for months. But mere weeks after finding out about my infection I met somebody who I thought was worth it to risk telling him. It went far better than I expected and it really helped me get over the whole thing pretty quickly even though it seemed so bad to begin with. Now, a little more than a year later we're engaged to be married. I was far more concerned about trying to not infect him than he was. I'm now on Valtrex and we have unprotected sex without worrying about herpes. He tested negative for HSV-2 and HSV-1 after I told him and before we had sex. He hasn't shown any signs of being infected since. Anyway, don't stay away from dating only because of herpes. There are people who won't care and will get involved with you, although it is pretty scary trying to find them! I hope your return to dating (whenever that may be) goes as smoothly as mine did. > I found out I had herpes by giving it to my girlfriend. I never had a > clue. She had just an awful break out . Went to the doctor sure enough [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > would go over to well. This really sucks cause damn i love sex. Such a > wonderful thing for two to share . Now its all screwed up. Ricky, First things first, you need to figure which type you have and which type you suspect you gave her. If you had a blood test at the health department, did they say what it was for? Syphilis and HIV are both screened for by blood tests too. Here's the deal: if you gave her type-1 through oral sex, I don't want to say "no sweat", but this virus is extremely common, hardly ever recurs, is hard to transmit from the genital area, and overall is much less a "big deal". If you gave her type-2, you both may have future recurrences, however they will likely be milder and of a less frequent nature as time goes on, and through Valtrex and condom use you will pose a very low threat. No matter if you have hsv-1 or hsv-2, it's not going to screw up sex. Telling people about hsv-1 is actually quite controversial since so many people have the virus, and telling about hsv-2 isn't a big deal either because most people with genital herpes have hsv-2 so there's plenty of women out there in the same situation as you. ~Eric > I found out I had herpes by giving it to my girlfriend. I never had a > clue. She had just an awful break out . Went to the doctor sure enough [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > would go over to well. This really sucks cause damn i love sex. Such a > wonderful thing for two to share . Now its all screwed up. The whole thing with this is it just seems like a big gamble . There is so much confusion about it . Why didn't I ever have a major outbreak like her? After she had her breakout , we still had unprotected sex . I would just really hate to put someone else though what i saw her go though with it . She hurt so bad with it. At you time I thought it would have made me feel better if i had an outbreak . How much does it cost to have the right type of test done at a doctors office? That's maybe where I need to start with all this. If i gave her it though oral sex on her, would it pass to my penis when i had sex with her ? Just so much I don't know about all this. Most of you seem well informed here . Thanks for the advice.I got lots of questions. Hi Ricky, Herpes is different for everyone. There are no standards. That's why you didn't have an outbreak and she did. However, you really don't know if you have herpes yet, right? It's possible she's had it for years and never had an outbreak. So, get to a doctor and ask about blood tests. I don't know what they cost these days. Generally speaking, if you have type 1 herpes orally, you can't give it to yourself genitally. However, that's assuming you've been infected for enough time for antibodies to build up in your body. Usually, after a year of infection, you don't have to worry too much about reinfecting yourself. However, if your immune system is not working properly, then all bets are off. ar > The whole thing with this is it just seems like a big gamble . There is > so much confusion about it . Why didn't I ever have a major outbreak [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > don't know about all this. Most of you seem well informed here . Thanks > for the advice.I got lots of questions. Ricky, I had my first test at the doctor's office and it was covered by insurance, so I have no idea how much it cost. My 2nd and 3rd tests I did on my own throught the tstd.org website. Everything was coordinated by them, but my test was done at a lab down the street from me. Herpes Select Type 1 & 2 combined cost $129.00. Herpes Select Type 2 only cost $89.00. On the question of herpes coming back to you on your genitals...don't really know the answer to that. I'm thinking from things I've read in the past...no. Once you have a specific type, regardless of location, I don't think it resurfaces in other parts of your body, but Grant or Eric should be able to tell you for sure. Good luck to you, and hang in there. In time you will see that things DO get better. Michelle > The whole thing with this is it just seems like a big gamble . There is > so much confusion about it . Why didn't I ever have a major outbreak [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > don't know about all this. Most of you seem well informed here . Thanks > for the advice.I got lots of questions. Ricky, To beat the confusion you have to address this one topic at a time. First, I agree that the whole thing with this is a gamble. With hsv-1, the odds are you'll get it sooner or later (up to 90% of all folks have it) and that you won't even know that you have it and society won't give much of a hoot, especially if it occurs orally. With hsv-2, the odds are a little lower that you'll wind up with it, but because of the large percentage of people who don't have symptoms or recognize symptoms but say nothing, hsv-2 manages to average about 20% incidence. So the first thing you need to do is figure out which type you have, if any. Head for a HerpeSelect Ab test. If you have type-2, you most likely never experienced any symptoms because you probably already had type-1. I know you don't want to put other people through what she experienced, so the way to do that is to read and get educated about herpes in general, find out which type you have (this is SO important), and take common sense protective and precautionary measures with sex. That's it! If you gave her type-1 through oral sex, you have a virtually 0 risk of getting it genitally. And if this is the case, she has > 90% probability of either getting no more outbreaks ever, or getting 1-2 over the next 1-2 yrs and then no more ever. Hsv-1 tends to be much less of a "big deal", especially w/ regards to social stigma. Hang in there, ~Eric > The whole thing with this is it just seems like a big gamble . There is > so much confusion about it . Why didn't I ever have a major outbreak [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > don't know about all this. Most of you seem well informed here . Thanks > for the advice.I got lots of questions. Hsv-1 tends to be much less of a "big deal", especially w/ regards to social stigma. Well, except that genital herpes is genital herpes no matter which type it is. So, I view the stigma as being the same. I still need to tell someone I have genital herpes. ar > Well, except that genital herpes is genital herpes no matter which type it > is. And that's why I didn't say that hsv-1 doesn't cause genital herpes! I said in terms of society's views of which virus is "acceptable" to have, hsv-1 definitely beats hsv-2, and I think that's really unfortunate for so many people. Honestly, because they know it's not in my eye or that I'm not a pregnant woman, every health care professional seems to be unbelievably dismissive of hsv-1. My own family doctor told me "that's the virus that normally causes cold sores..it's not even important because you will wear condoms anyway". When all is said and done, there is unbelievably very little that can be done to protect against the transmission of hsv-1, doctors realize that, people realize that, and as a result society tends to be much more forgiving towards hsv-1 than hsv-2. > So, I view the stigma as being the same. I still need to tell someone > I have genital herpes. Well I respect your opinion even though you are 100% wrong (IMHO, of course). It's really all in your own perception of this, but the fact that the vast majority of people get hsv-1 in a non-sexual way substantially influences society's views even on those who do have hsv-1 genitally. ~Eric Eric, when you first came to this group, you were upset because you felt people with type 1 were not being given the same consideration as people with type 2. You were quite upset about it. So I'm asking you to remember how awful that stigma is. The emotions someone feels when they contract genital herpes is the same, no matter if they have type 1 or 2. I don't want people with type 1 to feel slighted. They deserve the same consideration as the type 2s. They have the same need for compassion. ar >> Well, except that genital herpes is genital herpes no matter which type >> it [quoted text clipped - 23 lines] > > ~Eric Well Grant, you're absolutely right..and that's the point I've been trying to make--nobody out there treats the people with hsv-1 the same as people with hsv-2. And believe me, this is frustrating! It's frustrating because both viruses can cause the same physical pain and a lot of emotional pain, especially if you are new to the viruses. My only point is that society treats the viruses differently and people who have hsv-1 can draw on that fact for support like I did. The fact that when I was hurting and I could tell myself that it doesn't matter because I have the virus that people say is not a "big deal" and that the vast majority of folks will get the virus sooner or later helped me soo much, and I'm just trying to spread that message to help others. ~Eric > Eric, when you first came to this group, you were upset because you felt > people with type 1 were not being given the same consideration as people [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > ar |
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