Hi Wayne,

Sorry for your troubles.

Here's the clincher...herpes thrives on stress and unhappiness.  The more
you get all caught up in what happened to you, the more your herpes is going
to affect you.  Herpes is, often times, a psychological disease.  Life
sucks?  So will your herpes.  The best advice in dealing with herpes is to
"get over it."  Being happy and well adjusted, really helps to make your
immune system function better which in turn, deals with the virus better.

First, can you actually prove you didn't have herpes prior to this?  That's
what makes court cases a little bit difficult.  Unless you've got a negative
herpes test to show...

Second, you know for a fact your wife was cheating on you, right?  Many
times, people make that assumptions when an std suddenly shows up.  I just
want to make sure you aren't one of them.

Thirdly, I'd be pissed too if my partner knew about the herpes and didn't
tell me.  I don't want you to think I'm downplaying your pain.  You have
every right to be upset.  But as mentioned above, you aren't doing yourself
any favors by being angry, hurt, and extremely depressed.  What about
seeking out some therapy or an antidepressent to help you get through this?
I tend to stay away from medications, but for some, it is a necessity for
awhile.

I'm not sure I understand what you are saying with "tort."

My personal opinion is that it sucks to have herpes.  But it isn't the end
of the world.  I would not use it as the main factor in what she gets out of
the divorce.  Instead, the fact there was infidelity is the bigger factor.
That is more of a determination as to how the belongings should be divided.
She basically decided the marriage was worth throwing away when she decided
to cheat.

As to the fact you got herpes out of the deal...well, we all got herpes from
someone.  Our stories are all varied and some are rather tragic.  Others are
just from stupidity.  But no matter what, we can't change the fact we have
it.  It's best to make peace with that and move on.

I'm also in Florida.  Could use some rain...it's freakin' hot.

ar

A tort would be a seperate lawsuit for inflicting bodily harm. The
burden of proof would be on my side. She has had five affairs over
five yaers (all unknown to me till this past Oct.)  I have a witness
who would testify to that effect. If nothing else it shows reckless
abandon on her part. I believe it is worth going after , if nothing
else so she does not end up with a 50-50 split. I have a 30 year
pension at stake. Luckily my daughters are grown so there is no child
support.

Sorry to hear about that.. believe me you are not alone when it comes to
"loved ones" being dishonest, with-holding the truth, and cheating etc. I
have heard it so many times and to top it all off.. the people that cheat or
are dishonest in their relationships are usually the ones that refuse to
talk about their std status.. not only does it suck but it's wrong..
especially if the individual is aware of their std status.

I would imagine that you had no idea she was sleeping with you AND with her
boyfriend, right?

I wonder why she neglected to tell you that she had been diagnosed with
herpes? What does she say about it? Have you confronted her?

I don't know about not being entitled to half of everything because of
herpes.. after all - the two of you were married for 27 long years. But it
would be worth noting if she was aware of her herpes and didn't tell you
that she had herpes. Also, I would be curious as to how you were diagnosed
with herpes?

Hope this helps Wayne,

Angela :)