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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Herpes / May 2006Still not over it
I have hpv. I got diagnosed two years ago. I feel guilt and shame. I was out on a date last night and the guy's hand went up my skirt. I had been drinking so I will be honest. I freaked. I closed down and confessed to what I had. That hadn't been my intention on a second date but I felt terrified. I didn't want this guy to catch anything from me. Even in a groping session. That last guy I dated I told and I never heard from again. I feel like a whore each time I tell someone. I don't think or feel that I will have a normal healthy relationship. I told the guy I was with last night that I wanted a good time last night even if I never see him again. Just to give me a fun time. When I confessed he said he understood why I kept saying that because that's not typically a girl thing. There I was crying pathetically. A real turnoff to say the least. When does this feeling of remorse and guilt stop? Please help. Only people on this server can understand. When does it stop? Only when you make it stop. You are in control of these things. You are not defined by your virus. You are the same person now as you were before your diagnosis. Perhaps some professional counciling? I think if you are looking for someone who will stay with you, that person won't be the person who starts groping you on the second date. Don't let yourself think lowly of yourself. That, unfortunately, shades everything else and brings the wrong sorts of people to you. My advice is to stop dating for now. Wait until you feel more secure in who you are. ar >I have hpv. I got diagnosed two years ago. I feel guilt and shame. I > was out on a date last night and the guy's hand went up my skirt. I [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > When does this feeling of remorse and guilt stop? Please help. Only > people on this server can understand. I've done the professional counseling. I have an anxiety disorder and got treated for it and this diagnosis came up during that time. I guess the feelings are still there no matter how much counseling there is. I dated someone for 7 months who new of the virus but he was in the category of the "wrong sets of people". Ironically, I didn't mind the groping. I miss sex and contact. I want a family and to settle down but I still feel the urge. I guess that makes me human. I'm afraid if I stop dating I will miss out on meeting the right person. I'm 30 and the biological clock thing is going. I can certainly understand how you are feeling. Especially with your clock ticking. :) But you need more time to learn to deal with this. You won't miss out on the right person. The right person will be more attracted to you when you are strong and sure of yourself. ar > I've done the professional counseling. I have an anxiety disorder and > got treated for it and this diagnosis came up during that time. I [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > afraid if I stop dating I will miss out on meeting the right person. > I'm 30 and the biological clock thing is going. How much time can I devote to this? I've had two years. I think I will always have these conflicts. It was the intensity of my response to physicallity that got me upset. Everyone grieves in their own way. And you are grieving. You can't rush things. How is your self-esteem otherwise? Perhaps you aren't tackling the right problem. ar > How much time can I devote to this? I've had two years. I think I > will always have these conflicts. It was the intensity of my response > to physicallity that got me upset. My self esteem has been in the toilet during periods of my life. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder a few years ago. I was happy to be done with therapy. When I got my diagnosis for the hpv, I entered in a 7 month relationship not long after. That's been over for over a year but it held back my guilt. He was a bastard and treated me awfully but part of me felt I deserved it. I guess it's been catching up with me. I wrote the guy from last night a letter even though he said he would call me today. I feel that I could express myself better that way. I apologized for what happend and let him know that I was embarrassed and didn't want him to take part in my pity party. I also thanked him for showing me respect after I freaked out. I am mortified by what happend last night. It was a great date otherwise. Yeah, I am grieving. I'm grieving over my lost innocence and the fact that I may never find a normal relationship. Hi Dannie, I understand. I think most of here have been through what you are going through now. All I can tell you is that you WILL find a normal relationship. But you have to work on yourself first. It's that way with any roadblock in life. Get yourself as straightened out as possible and the rest will become a whole lot easier. What do you need to do to get your self-esteem back up? I would focus on that, first. So, what can you do? New hairstyle? Lose/gain some weight? Exercise? Volunteer? Hang out with life-afirming people? Church? Paint? Redecorate? What sorts of stuff would you enjoy? I have self-esteem issues. My parents spent a lot of time telling me how ugly and fat I was. I know none of it was true, but they did their damage. I mean, I was a size 3 and 108 pounds and my father told me I had a fat butt. Oh joy! I just have to keep working on improving myself and focus only on myself. Take care, ar > My self esteem has been in the toilet during periods of my life. I was > diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder a few years ago. I was [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > otherwise. Yeah, I am grieving. I'm grieving over my lost innocence > and the fact that I may never find a normal relationship. Thanks AR, I have corresponded with you before and appreciate your frankness and opinions.I lost weight in the last year, joined a gym, take yoga and have recently joined a synagogue in an effort to try to find some spiritual meaning and to meet people. I think its the fear of getting anyone sick like someone got me sick. That's why I pulled away from that guy. I didn't want to hurt him. He was amazed how I can carry that burden on me. This burden sucks. It's been a crazy year health wise. I had a hepatitis scare (wasn't sleeping with a guy but kissed a guy and go scared when he told me he had mono/hep). I was negative. I also had my herpes diagnosis retested because the original results were borderline. For a WHOLE YEAR and a half I thought I carried that virus too. The new tests showed a negative result. Why my gyno didn't retest originally is beyond me. I had to push for it and to find out that I mentally killed myself over it with nothing to worry about still has it's effects. Anyway, thanks for listening. Daniela We're always here to listen, Dannie. It sounds like you are really doing some great work on yourself. I wish it were always as easy as it sounds! Your fear of getting someone else sick is something that only you can deal with, of course. But life is about enjoyment. You have to enjoy your life no matter what it tosses your way. How you manage that, is a gift we all much find ourselves. Take care, ar > Thanks AR, > [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > > Daniela |
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