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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Herpes / January 2006Need to vent
I got diagnosed with HPV (the kind that causes cervical cancer last year). I might also have herpes. My tests came back borderline with .98 result. I'm retaking it again to make sure. I'm scared. I want to get married and have kids. Has anyone found happiness (love/marriage) with this condition? I feel so dirty, so depressed. I can barely live with myself. Hello Dannie, Herpes and HPV are very common, in fact about 20% of the population in the US has either of these genitally. When I found out I had HPV about 10 years ago, I was miserable, because I felt dirty and unclean. Later when I found out I had herpes, it wasn't so much of an emotional trauma, but still hurt. I ended up going on antidepressants to deal with some of the herpes related depression. I ended up having alot of trouble at first meeting woman when I had to tell them I had herpes. Alot said "see-ya!" right off and some I told later and they still got turned off. I finally decided to go to a support group for people living with herpes and met a woman who also has genital herpes like me. She was a little nervous about the fact that I also have hpv because she didn't have that, but she accepted it. Things are working out very well between us and we have been together about 9 months now. Sometimes you have to tell yourself that if they can't except you for having herpes, they aren't worth it. Sometimes it might be better for some people to look at a herpes support area. It just depends on the person. There are alot of good groups out there such as www.yoshi2me.com and others. You could look at www.westoverheights.com also. Remember one thing...You are NOT alone. Al > I got diagnosed with HPV (the kind that causes cervical cancer last > year). I might also have herpes. My tests came back borderline with > .98 result. I'm retaking it again to make sure. I'm scared. I want > to get married and have kids. Has anyone found happiness > (love/marriage) with this condition? I feel so dirty, so depressed. I > can barely live with myself. Thanks Al. I did meet a man after the diagnosis and we were together for 7 months. He was a jerk though. I told him what I had and he accepted it. He admitted he was into S&M stuff so I accepted that (who the hell was I to judge). He treated me like crap and I accepted it because I felt like crap/dirty. I will never be with someone who's into that stuff again. I want to meet kind individuals and the trauma of the diagnosis still sticks one year and a half later. I have an anxiety disorder which causes all these worries and guilt to race in my head. I practiced safe sex and look what happend. Hi Dannie, Don't despair! Pretty much all of us have been there. And I can tell you that it does get better and will become a minor, insignificant annoyance in your life and nothing more. We get married. We have kids. We are happy. Just take the time you need to get your own head around it and realize it isn't any big thing. We're here to answer questions, so ask away. ar >I got diagnosed with HPV (the kind that causes cervical cancer last >year). I might also have herpes. My tests came back borderline with >.98 result. I'm retaking it again to make sure. I'm scared. I want >to get married and have kids. Has anyone found happiness >(love/marriage) with this condition? I feel so dirty, so depressed. I >can barely live with myself. Thanks. That's good to hear. I've been a mess lately. Lots of guilt issues. Well, here is a question. What is a breakout like? I've never had one. I've had acne in the private area but I've had that before I was ever sexually active. Have you also heard of false positive scenarios with the HSVII test? My test was borderline. I just took another blood test the other day and am waiting for the results. Hi Dannie, Breakouts are different for everyone, so I really can't tell you what to expect. I am lucky in that my HPV was easily treated because I had warts which were removed and never came back. I understand that is NOT the kind that contributes to cancer. And I have type 1 genital herpes which is generally less severe than type 2. Though the first two years I had it were very difficult and painful. I work hard at staying healthy by eating right and exercising. I also try not to stress out too much. :) I haven't had an outbreak in many, many years. Some people never have outbreaks. Others have just an itch. Some have just a rash. Some of a pimple looking thing--but often pimple looking things are just pimples. Some have a horrible time with their herpes. There are certain triggers you can learn to avoid, but triggers are different for everyone. And I learned the hard way to never, ever take a steroid. I was on prednisone for three months for my thyroid disease and that lowered my immune system and opened me up for the worst herpes EVER. It was weeks of torture and pain and was quite unbearable. So, no more steroids for me. The blood test you are taking isn't the best one around. Sometimes it is difficult to figure out what those numbers mean. The gold standard is the Herpes Specific Western Blot. It will say, Positive for --and then the type. Or, negative. So easy and no guesswork. Unfortunately, most doctors don't know anything about it. False positives aren't too common. False negatives can be more common mainly if you are tested too soon after infection. I hope that answers most of your questions. ar >Thanks. That's good to hear. I've been a mess lately. Lots of guilt >issues. Well, here is a question. What is a breakout like? I've [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] >My test was borderline. I just took another blood test the other day >and am waiting for the results. > Thanks. That's good to hear. I've been a mess lately. Lots of guilt > issues. Well, here is a question. What is a breakout like? Outbreaks vary from person to person. Some people have outbreaks that they can see and feel, some people have outbreaks that they can't see or feel, and others don't get outbreaks all that often. > I've > never had one. I've had acne in the private area but I've had that > before I was ever sexually active. You've never had one that you know of... right? > Have you also heard of false positive scenarios with the HSVII test? False positives are not that common at all. What type of test did you take in order to find out that you have herpes and which type do you have? > My test was borderline. I just took another blood test the other day > and am waiting for the results. Hang in there,  SignatureYahoo! Messenger - angelals1970 Herpes Help: http://www.yoshi2me.com/ Herpes Blog: http://www.herpes-help.blogspot.com/ STD Message Board: http://yoshi2me.com/phpbb/index.php It was a blood test. I don't know the specific testing kit used by the lab. It's being rerun. It gave a .98 result. Borderline according to my gyno. She couldn't tell me I had hsv II either way. Hence rerunning the test. As for the why I feel like I will never have a relationship or get married.. Well, I didn't get one but two stds. One is enough to cause people to run. I'm know saint. I haven't had just one or two boyfriends in my life (I did use condoms though). I just feel like some guy is going to see me as a dirty whore. The stigma is horrible. It's hard enough to meet anyone decent out there. > It was a blood test. I don't know the specific testing kit used by the > lab. It's being rerun. It gave a .98 result. Borderline according to > my gyno. She couldn't tell me I had hsv II either way. Hence > rerunning the test. * I understand > As for the why I feel like I will never have a relationship or get > married.. Well, I didn't get one but two stds. One is enough to cause > people to run. * I think you are probably being a little too hard on yourself... don't you think? > I'm know saint. I haven't had just one or two > boyfriends in my life (I did use condoms though). I just feel like > some guy is going to see me as a dirty whore. The stigma is horrible. * The stigma is horrible because the folks that have an std tend to be too hard on themselves. > It's hard enough to meet anyone decent out there. * Well hopefully people will see you for the person that you are and won't really care about what you have. Besides.. when you love somebody isn't that love supposed to be unconditional? Hang in there, Angela :) SignatureYahoo! Messenger - angelals1970 Herpes Help: http://www.yoshi2me.com/ Herpes Blog: http://www.herpes-help.blogspot.com/ STD Message Board: http://yoshi2me.com/phpbb/index.php Thanks. I keep tormenting myself about this. I have an anxiety condition and it's making the situation worse. The feelings of self-hatred and depression are just non-stop. > Thanks. I keep tormenting myself about this. I have an anxiety > condition and it's making the situation worse. The feelings of > self-hatred and depression are just non-stop. Have you discussed these feelings with your doctor Or thought about seeing some sort of counselor? You know it's ok to be upset at first because it can come on as a big shocker. I know it did for me. I was angry for two years about it... Try not to be too hard on yourself, Angela SignatureYahoo! Messenger - angelals1970 Herpes Help: http://www.yoshi2me.com/ Herpes Blog: http://www.herpes-help.blogspot.com/ STD Message Board: http://yoshi2me.com/phpbb/index.php > Thanks. I keep tormenting myself about this. I have an anxiety > condition and it's making the situation worse. The feelings of > self-hatred and depression are just non-stop. Are you getting any help for this? Angela SignatureYahoo! Messenger - angelals1970 Angela's Right to Free Speech: http://www.yoshi2me.blogspot.com/ Work at Home Blog: http://www.workathomemomblog.blogspot.com/ Oh Baby Baby: http://www.oh-baby-baby.blogspot.com/ Herpes Simplex Help: http://www.herpes-help.blogspot.com/ No. I finished my therapy and I was honky dory for a while. Then, I started getting anxious and depressed. I've had a lot happening. My sister got married, job is stagnant and I'm turning 30. I just got some unsettling news yesterday. I might have a hormone condition (polycystic ovarian fibrosis) that may make it hard for me to have kids. The doctor was testing that along with the retest of herpes when I had blood taken. I have to sit with her when she comes back from vacation. So, now I might have to tell a future partner that I got hpv, herpes and may have a hard time having kids because of a genetic condition. This is too much. Thank you all again for listening. Hi Dannie, It's okay to feel the way you do! But do know that when you change your views of yourself, then others don't seem to react as negatively. I mean, heck, I got herpes and hpv from my first lover. My first time out of the gate, so to speak. I was pretty sure my life was over. And here I am, much older, and, I hope, a bit wiser. So believe me when I tell you things do get better. You may find the stds are a blessing in disguise. They tend to weed out the jerks. Take care, ar >It was a blood test. I don't know the specific testing kit used by the >lab. It's being rerun. It gave a .98 result. Borderline according to [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >some guy is going to see me as a dirty whore. The stigma is horrible. >It's hard enough to meet anyone decent out there. I agree with ar. I thought my life was over when I was diagnosed with herpes 6 years ago, but then I realized that my life wasnt' over and it was a blessing in disguise and it did help out with the guy search. If a guy didn't want to be with me b.c of it then so be it, at first it was hard to deal with and get over, but after each time it got alittle easier. ss > It's okay to feel the way you do! But do know that when you change your > views [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > find > the stds are a blessing in disguise. They tend to weed out the jerks. I could not have said it any better myself. This is all so true! Hang in there, Angela :) When I got diagnosed I was already in therapy for an anxiety disorder. Maybe because I got into another relationship it held back the shock and anger. I went off zoloft a few months ago and it's been hard to adjust without it. I want to try. Just too many issues to deal with at once (std, work, turning 30, etc). I've vented on an anxiety website and they urged me to go to a site like this with people in my situation. It has helped to see other people with my predicament. But, regardless the guilt, shame and disgust are so prevalent. > I went off zoloft a few months ago and it's been hard to > adjust without it. I want to try. I take Zoloft and it's the absolute best thing for me. I don't plan on stopping it any time soon. I have no control over the chemical imbalance that is taking place and perhaps you don't either? Have you thought about how maybe you can't help how you are feeling because of the imbalance? Hang in there, Angela :) good point. thank you all very much for your imput. this has been very hard. good point. thank you all very much for your imput. this has been very hard. I'm on zoloft also. I don't plan on getting off of it at all ever! When I was first diagnosed, i thought about going to a counselor to work through the issues and emotions I was feeling, b.c none of my friends could relate. But, then I was on AOL back then, and I joined a support group on there and talked to a lot of people and it helped a lot. Also, what helped me when I talked to a partner about it, it also helps if you don't sound like it's the worse thing that could happen to you. I know when I talked to someone about it and I just talked about it like it was no big deal, they reacted better--but I did give them all the facts also. I'm on zoloft also. I don't plan on getting off of it at all ever! When I was first diagnosed, i thought about going to a counselor to work through the issues and emotions I was feeling, b.c none of my friends could relate. But, then I was on AOL back then, and I joined a support group on there and talked to a lot of people and it helped a lot. Also, what helped me when I talked to a partner about it, it also helps if you don't sound like it's the worse thing that could happen to you. I know when I talked to someone about it and I just talked about it like it was no big deal, they reacted better--but I did give them all the facts also. Yeah, my friends can't relate either (which is a blessing on their part). How did you frame the talk with your boyfriend/girlfriend? with the current boyfriend. I just told him that I needed to talk to him before we got sexual. we sat down and I just came right out and told him " I have Genital Herpes". he sat there for a min. and said okay....... then he started asking questions and we just talked about it and that was a year ago and he still asks questions from day to day, but he's comfortable enough with me and about the issue. I was just matter of frank with him and told him everything that he wanted to know. He would ask me all kinds of questions. I guess I got pretty lucky with this one. Dannie, I found that support groups like this helped me get my hurt, anger and everything else out in the open. It helped me tremendously. But, if you feel you need to, I would definitely look into seeing a counselor that is experienced with this issue. >I got diagnosed with HPV (the kind that causes cervical cancer last > year). I might also have herpes. My tests came back borderline with > .98 result. I'm retaking it again to make sure. I'm scared. I want > to get married and have kids. Has anyone found happiness > (love/marriage) with this condition? I feel so dirty, so depressed. I > can barely live with myself. What makes you believe that you can't get married and have kids? SignatureYahoo! Messenger - angelals1970 Herpes Help: http://www.yoshi2me.com/ Herpes Blog: http://www.herpes-help.blogspot.com/ STD Message Board: http://yoshi2me.com/phpbb/index.php Dannie: Something i did and someone may have already covered it , make a folder somewhere on your computer or wherever and keep a log if and when you do have an outbreak , what did i eat , what was i depressed about how long the outbreak lasted. It never crossed my mind about the steriod injections i had to have last summer . I had one of the longest outbreaks i ever had...thanks guys and gals...glad ya'll are here...Stan >>I got diagnosed with HPV (the kind that causes cervical cancer last >>year). I might also have herpes. My tests came back borderline with [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > What makes you believe that you can't get married and have kids? > I got diagnosed with HPV (the kind that causes cervical cancer last > year). I might also have herpes. My tests came back borderline with > .98 result. I'm retaking it again to make sure. I'm scared. I want > to get married and have kids. Has anyone found happiness > (love/marriage) with this condition? I feel so dirty, so depressed. I > can barely live with myself. Aw, sweetie, herpes is no big deal. You'll find a guy easy. I have had herpes for almost 20 years and I have always told future partners that I had it before we had sex and I never, ever had a problem with any of them except two -- one who didn't know what herpes was (can you believe it?!) and another who thought I was making it up to get out of having sex with him. As it turned out, I decided not to have sex with either one those guys, though both chased me for a while AFTER I told them about having herpes. I guess it didn't bother them! The men I was with never cared. I clearly remember one saying, "That's not a problem." Anyway, I've been married for almost 10 years and yes I have found happiness, love, and marriage. Having herpes does not affect that at all. I have many friends who have herpes (New York, you know -- actually, one of my best friends got herpes from the same guy I did) and they all have gotten married, have great careers and kids. So relax and don't worry about it. You'll be fine. You're not dirty and you shouldn't be depressed, honey. It'll be just fine. |
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