Just Diagnosed. Questions!

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sparelek@hotmail.com - 19 Nov 2005 21:03 GMT

Hello,

First off I'm thankful to have this group as a resource and thank
everyone for sharing their experiences.

I've recently been diagnosed with Genital Herpes and started on Valtrex
this week (the doc suggests suppresive therapy).

Unfortunately I've recently started dating a new girl and I'm preparing
to advise her of my situation today. We've dated for 3 months and have
recently broached sexual intimacy.

The location of my outbreaks is about 2 inches above the base of my
penis (ie. stomach/pelvic area).

It remains to be seen th efficacy of my treatment therapy and even with
treatment I will be constantly paranoid about spreading my infection.

One solution that I hope can help prevent spread is to cover the area
during sex (at a non-outbreak time). Has anyone tried this solution?
I've almost considered wearing a condom but having sex through
underwear with a "pee-flap". This would leave my typically infected
area covered. Ie. can the virus spread through material or just direct
skin-to-skin contact?

Obviously I'm deadling with anxiety and depression over this and in
particular the fallout from my conversation later tonight.

Thanks
Steve

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Grant - 19 Nov 2005 23:22 GMT

Hi Steve,

I'm so sorry to hear about your diagnosis.

Please be honest with your girlfriend and tell her that you just found out about
it and your still coming to grips with it yourself. And invite her to come to
this group and ask questions if she desires.

Yes, there are some who have done the wearing underwear thing. It really is
about what makes you comfortable. And it is skin to skin contact that spreads
the virus - so the underwear should be a good baracade.

Here are some simple things to consider:
1) You can be contagious in any area that falls in the "boxer short" area--not
just the location of your outbreaks. However, please don't get too paranoid
about it. Stress will make your outbreaks worse!

2) It gets better over time. The first few months tend to be the worst. And
after the first year, you will no longer be as contagious. More than likely,
you will asymptomatically shed less as well.

3) Taking the meds suppressively is the best way to protect your girlfriend
along with condoms and paying close attention to your symptoms/prodromes.

And remember, we are here to answer your questions. So ask away.

ar

>Hello,
>
[quoted text clipped - 26 lines]
>Thanks
>Steve

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sparelek@hotmail.com - 20 Nov 2005 18:57 GMT

Well, I'm happy to say that the initial reaction of my girlfriend was
very comforting and understanding.. she deals with her own chronic
illness in Colitis/Crohn's so understands the challenges of
managing/suppressing disease and its triggers..

I'm cautious, however, that her long term opinion may change but in the
meantime I'm hoping the meds are effective for me and I can acheive a
safe and satisfying physical relationship..

I've encouraged her to ask me questions and seek education on the
topic..

Thanks for the above pointers.. very helpful and insightful

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Grant - 20 Nov 2005 20:39 GMT

I'm so glad that "The Talk" went well. :) I'll keep positive thoughts for the
both of you.

ar

>Well, I'm happy to say that the initial reaction of my girlfriend was
>very comforting and understanding.. she deals with her own chronic
[quoted text clipped - 9 lines]
>
>Thanks for the above pointers.. very helpful and insightful

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Angela S. - 20 Nov 2005 22:13 GMT

Hi Steve ~

> First off I'm thankful to have this group as a resource and thank
> everyone for sharing their experiences.

Glad you were able to find us! :)

> I've recently been diagnosed with Genital Herpes and started on Valtrex
> this week (the doc suggests suppresive therapy).

I've had genital herpes for 10 years now and am also a HUGE fan of
suppressive therapy. Feel free to check out my herpes biography if you have
some time:
http://www.yoshi2me.com/herpes-biography.html

> Unfortunately I've recently started dating a new girl and I'm preparing
> to advise her of my situation today. We've dated for 3 months and have
> recently broached sexual intimacy.

In the meantime be sure to find out the new girl's std status too. It's just
as important for you to know her status as it is for her to know yours.

> The location of my outbreaks is about 2 inches above the base of my
> penis (ie. stomach/pelvic area).
>
> It remains to be seen th efficacy of my treatment therapy and even with
> treatment I will be constantly paranoid about spreading my infection.

This is something the two of you will be able to work out together. There
are plenty of couples out there where one has it and the other doesn't that
were able to work things out. You are welcome to read our telling story if
you'd like:
http://www.yoshi2me.com/herpes-telling.html

> One solution that I hope can help prevent spread is to cover the area
> during sex (at a non-outbreak time). Has anyone tried this solution?

What solution are you referring to exactly? Are you talking about using a
condom? You do realize that with genital herpes an outbreak can occur
anywhere below the belt line and not just on or around the genitals. Same
thing goes for asymptomatic shedding..

> I've almost considered wearing a condom but having sex through
> underwear with a "pee-flap". This would leave my typically infected
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> Obviously I'm deadling with anxiety and depression over this and in
> particular the fallout from my conversation later tonight.

Steve ~ why not try checking out the free herpes handbook over on
www.westoverheights.com. I think reading that will really help you to better
understand how the herpes virus works.

Hang in there and Happy Thanksgiving,

Angela :)

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Al - 22 Nov 2005 01:20 GMT

Hi Steve,

I've had genital herpes and hpv for a long time, although I am not really
sure when I contracted them, I think it was about 10-12 years ago. It was
rough at the begining, but after a while it wasnt that bad. This past Feb
was really bad because of my stress levels and I ended up worse than when I
first got herpes.

Yes, Angela is right about getting the outbreaks anywhere...I can vouch for
that. I've had it on the genitals, buttocks, inner thighs (most common for
me) and also the area above the genitals where the pubic hair is. Angela has
some good info in her site www.yoshi2me.com and you can also get some good
books on it. I have a couple that I happen to like: Managing Herpes- How to
live and love with a chronic STD, and The Truth about Herpes.

I just got back together with my girlfriend, who also has genital herpes, so
we're not too worried about spreading it.

Al

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