Love in a Time of Herpes

My generation and those who came into this world after us have been
severely ripped off.

I was born in 1965- a year often considered the first year of
"generation-x". The previous generation- the baby-boomers like my
parents, grew up in a time of free love. My mother didn't take
advantage of this but my father sure did, but that's another story.

Us gen-x'ers were the first generation to have to deal with AIDS and
the fallout from it. Instead of the sexual revolution we had fear and
loathing in my own pants.

Now as a Holistic Herpes Treatment Specialist I treat a lot of
teenagers and people in the early twenties who are exploring their
sexuality in a time were we are no longer nearly as afraid of AIDS as
we were in the eighties but where almost everyone has herpes. I often
see girls as young as 15 who already have herpes and who got it from
their first sexual experience. No one told them they could get herpes
from fellatio. No one told them much of anything about sexually
transmitted infections. It's a sad sad thing to have to tell a
teenager that they now have a life-long incurable disease and have to
warn potential sex partners about it beforehand. This sentence drives
many to the brink of despair. One 17 year old who got herpes from her
first and only sex partner was crying hysterically on the phone with
me, asking how in her small town of 1500 people can she tell anyone
that she has herpes? She said she will date or have sex again until she

moves far away, and I believe her.

With oral sex being as common as hand-shakes used to be, why aren't
we educating grade school students about sexually transmitted
infections? Very few of the most at-risk population know that they can
catch or pass on herpes when there are no signs of an outbreak. They
don't know that they can get herpes on their genitals from contact
with people who get cold sores on their mouth. They aren't empowered
to say no way when they encounter sores and rashes and are told that
"they are nothing".

Further exasperating the situation is the porn industry being a bad
role model. Like myself and many of my generation, young people these
days get a lot of their sex education from being exposed to porn. In
the adult film industry condoms are almost never worn during oral sex
and only worn during anal and oral sex about 40% of the time. I did
three years of research into the adult film industry and learned that
porn performers are tested monthly or more often for HIV but are rarely

tested for herpes or hpv. Very few porn performers admit their herpes
infections for fear of losing work and a backlash from their fans. What

kind of society do we live in where even porn performers are afraid to
admit that they have herpes?

My older patients don't tend to fare much better than the younger
ones. They don't know the facts about love in a time of herpes and
most didn't do much to try and educate themselves. And for the ones
that do try to educate themselves through the internet they are
confronted with a wilderness of websites saying many contradictory
things, spreading a lot of misinformation and luring people with
magical quick-fixes and snake oils. The message doesn't seem to be
getting out to people that there are no quick-fixes for a life-long
viral infection, that herpes cannot be managed with topical oils, or
creams or liquids and that herbal medicine or drug therapy combined
with proper diet, stress reduction and making peace with herpes are the

only ways I have seen in my 15 years of experience to successfully
manage herpes over the long-haul.

Because the fear of catching the HIV virus isn't what it used to be,
too many people are becoming complacent about practicing safer sex.
Many tell me they don't want to use condoms because of the lack of
spontaneity. Many want the risk and pleasure of unprotected sex. I can
relate to all of this, I don't particularly like condoms myself. But
in this day and age it is not smart to have unprotected sex with
someone you are not very sure you are in a monogamous relationship
with. Unless this is the case do use a condom/dental dam or anti-viral
gel or better yet use them both together. Oral sex is sex and is risky
sex so do practice safer sex with fellatio and cunnilingus as well.

Before the sex comes the sex-conversation. A conversation many people
never have before getting together. It is your right and responsibility

to ask a potential sex partner what their history of sexually
transmitted infections is, and use your best lie-detecting skills when
listening. You must volunteer the same information yourself. Please do
understand that most people have never had a real herpes test in their
life. Regular STD testing panels do not test for herpes or genital
warts. Swabbing is a unreliable way of testing for herpes. So unless
your potential sex partner has had a recent type-specific serum blood
test for herpes like the western-blot test, they have no way of knowing

if they have herpes or not and so then neither do you.

Unless someone has had a recent herpes test, I recommend that you
assume that they have herpes and use a condom/dental dam combined with
an anti-viral prophylactic gel. Government statistics show that anyone
who has had more than 2 sex partners has a 20% chance of having herpes.

More than four sex partners gives you a 40% chance of having herpes and

more than 6 sex partners gives you a 60% chance of having herpes. And
of course herpes is only one of many sexually transmitted infections a
person could have.

I invite you to read the articles called "I have Herpes, Don't
You" and "The Demonization of Genital Herpes"

If anyone is elusive or sketchy about wanting to discuss their sexual
health it's best to assume that they have something they are trying
to hide. I don't mean to sound harsh or cynical- I'm an idealist by
nature, but I have listened to too many of my patients grieving over
the fact that they were deceived by the person who infected them with
herpes. You lose nothing by being careful and looking out for your own
best interests.

In both the swinger and BDSM communities people are reluctant to admit
to casual sex partners that the have herpes for fear of "ruining the
party" or being excluded. It is rarely discussed at sex clubs, at
orgies, or "play parties". People are having sex with others
without warning them that they have herpes. Out of fairness I must
state that some people in these communities do advise potential sex
partners that they have herpes-but they are in the minority. I have
seen very few leaders in these communities publically discuss herpes
awareness. Again I find it very vexing and disappointing that even the
most sexually adventurous people in our society are afraid to talk
about herpes or are too complacent about it.

I know it's a bummer but this is the reality of love and sex in a
time of herpes. Love and love abundantly, but please be careful out
there.

Christopher Scipio
Homeopath/Herbalist
Holistic Viral Specialist