Hi Ryan,

We can't tell you the odds without having more details as to which type of
herpes she has and if you have ever been tested for herpes and what those
results may have been.

If you haven't been tested, then I suggest you do so before you decide that
someone isn't worth the risk.

Take care,
ar

ryanjohnlenz writes:

Unfortunately, there's not a good way to know "risk" on an individual
basis. You can read up on "averages" but you have no way of knowing
whether the two of you are "average".  Many people aren't.

First, I'd start off by getting yourself tested. Up to 90% of people
infected don't even know it and you could be one of them. Second, have
her tested to find out for sure which type hsv she has. If you both
have the same type, you're good to go.

Assuming you're negative and she's positive for type 2, your risk
depends on your immune system plus the frequency of her asymptomatic
shedding plus the frequency of transmission opportunities (sex).
Except for sex, you can't know about the other two. Granted, the
longer she's been infected (years vs months) the less often she has
asymptomatic shedding events (btw, even that's a rule of thumb,
individual cases can be different).

No guarantees. Basically, it's all about reducing risk even though you
can't know what you're reducing it from or to.

First, no sex during an outbreak. That in itself will reduce your risk
considerably.

Second, if she has frequent outbreaks, that's an indicator she may
also shed asymptomatically more often than average (avg is approx 3%
of the days per year). In that case, she may want to go on suppression
therapy (meaning daily Valtrex or Acyclovir).

Third, consistent condom use can cut the risk down even more.

Fourth, washing before (her) and after (you) sex with soap and water
might help a little (soap and water kills virus on the skin surface).
And even if it doesn't help, what the hey, it can be kinda fun.

You might like to know that there are quite a few discordant couples
in the world. Stats show that the longer they go without a transfer,
the less likely it will ever happen. Nobody knows for sure why that
although there are theories floating about having to do with built up
immunity etc.

Anyhow, maybe somebody else can add to all this.

Congrats on having the brains to check into the truth about herpes
instead of just running from her like many herpephobics would. Herpes
is more a problem of social stigma and public misinformation than it
is a physical problem. And it's manageable.

M2

Hi Ryan ~

Have you personally ever been tested for herpes?

Also is your girlfriend on suppressive therapy?

Suppressive therapy reduces asymptomatic by about 95% and it also reduces
transmission by about 50%. If you throw that into the mix of using condoms
on top of that I would say that's pretty good safer sex for the both of you.

But I think it's important to realize that you need proper herpes testing in
order to find out if you have the virus. 90% of people that have genital
herpes don't even know it because they don't have signs or symptoms AND
because it's not part of the routine std testing process.

If you already happen to have herpes then all of this is a non-issue for
you.. ya know?

Take care and keep us posted,

Angela ;-)

Ive had it for about 15 yrs.. my boyfriend of 10 has only just this year
shown any symptoms.. unfortunate. I hate it.. but still.. he knew the risks
and now.. just says oh well about it. Be thankful that she told you. Sounds
like an honest woman. I wish that who gave it to me was so kind.

First of all, for herpes (unlike other STD's), transmission is about
skin to skin contact, not exchange of fluids, therefore the female
condom is more effective than the traditional kind.  Unfortunately you
can buy a couple boxes of "regular" condoms for the price of one female
condom; we should start lobbying to change that!

As far as the risks go, I'm prepared to be shot down by other people
but here's what I know from my readings and from my own life.  It's
really hard for a man to catch this thing from a woman who's being
responsible about it (i.e. avoid sex when it's active, period).  The
virus is actually very fragile, easily killed with soap and water, and
the multiple layers of human skin (such as the kind covering your
testicles) act as a very effective barrier as long as the skin is
intace.  Women's genitals, on the other hand, are basically an open
invitation to any little microbes that want to get inside.

I will never know how long I lived with this thing before I was
diagnosed but I can tell you that my ex had bloodwork done when he got
involved with somebody new.  After 8 years of unprotected sex, he never
caught it from me.

Also, if you ever get coldsores on your face or if you had them as a
kid, that's type 1 herpes.  Even under a microscope type 1 and type 2
look the same.  According to one of the books I've got (by the leading
experts - one's Canadian and one's American) if you already have
immunity to type 1 it reduces the risk of contracting type 2 - I
believe that it would also reduce the severity of the infection if you
did contract it as well.

There's also this thing called asymptomatic shedding, where live viral
cells can be present on the skin even without visual evidence of an
active herpes lesion.  That happens less and less frequently over time,
so it's a good idea to know how long this woman has been living with
this.  In the studies cited in the aforementioned books, there was not
a single man who contracted the virus through this method.

Funny that you mentioned garlic - there are certain chemicals in foods
that can inhibit or promote growth of the virus.  Check this out
further cause I can't remember which is which - sorry!
It's l-lysine and l-arginine that you're looking for, and the one that
inhibits the virus can be purchased as a supplement.  These are amino
acids.  The one that's present in chocolate can trigger a migraine and
a herpes outbreak - comfort food my a.s!!

Does this help??