Hey WS I was touched with what you wrote about your friend. I am going
thru a simiar situation with a dear coworker - has dropped at least 40
pounds in the past six months, and turned into a tangerine - some days
are worse that others but the jaundice is horrible - some days her
eyes and her skin are literally dark orange...the people who have to
actually work with her on a daily basis, say that some mornings she
arrives, and enters someone else's office and just sits there saying
nothing staring into space...or else she starts talking nonsense...

A great many of us are deeply concerned. Its an awful thing to see/
watch. She is clearly very ill and either in total denial of that
fact, or just keeping it to herself, as is her right of course, and
choosing not to do anything to help herself.

I tried talking to her exactly once, thinking she might "listen" to me
- basically told her that I don't normally invite myself into other
people's personal affairs uninvited, but that she had invited me into
other very personal affairs going on in her life so I felt I was close
enough to do so, because I was concerned and because I care about her,
I asked her to simply tell me she had been to a doctor recently to see
what is causing her jaundice etc, and that would be the end of our
conversation, and if she hadn't been, then I was telling her she
needed seriously to seek medical attention. Sometimes you just reach
that point where you can't live with yourself if you open your mouth,
and you can't live with yourself if you DON'T open it and say
something.

Her response was that she didn't have a clue what I was talking about
(even when I asked her "have you looked in a mirror lately? You are
aboslutely orange! Do you realize how jaundiced you are?) and to
insist that she feels perfectly FINE, is not having any problems, and
anyway she hates doctors, refuses to go back to her old one who
treated her for cellulitis a couple of years ago because he "groped
her breasts" while she was in the hospital being treated for her leg
problem, and just can't stand the idea of trying to find a new doctor,
she hates doctors etc. I pushed her a little, asked her if she was
still taking meds for cellulitis or something, mentioned a cousin who
ran into a problem with drug inducted hepatits from heart meds a
couple of years ago, things like that.

We all know that there are a great many disorders that can cause
jaundice, hep being only one of them....but her insistance that she
feels perfectly fine, nothing is wrong with her, and she doesn't know
what anyone it talking about was disturbing and disheartening. I know
from experience that this is a bold faced lie, nobody can be that
shade of orange and be feeling "FINE", not having any problems etc....

We have really great health insurance where we work, and there is not
reason for her to not seek medical care and get medical treatment.
Look at me, I went thru tx throughout 2006 and everything was covered
- I once tried to estimate the costs of all the medical treatments,
test, drugs etc and the best I could come up with was in the vacinity
of $100,000 rough figure - I also had a total hip replacement a year
ago, and that was covered as well....excluding a $300 copay and $100
deductible...

Be all that as it may, she is an adult and neither I nor anyone else
can MAKE her seek treatment if she does not want to...what a sad sad
situation. A couple of coworkers keep asking "what the hell is wrong
with her daughters? Can't they see how ill she is??"

I try not to have anymore physical contact with her than necessary at
this point because it is just too painful to see. I try to keep it to
phone contact. Those of us who are close enough to be comfortable with
discussing the problem, not feeling like we are  "gossipping" but
rather sharing and venting out concern and frustration about her have
pretty much reached the conclusion that she must:

A). Know what the problem is or have a pretty good idea of what is
going on and

B.) Be making a conscious decision not to seek medical attention,
whether because she does not think there is anything they can do for
her, or because she may be forced to confront other issues, such as
there may be an alcohol problem.

Whatever the case, as I said it is incredibly sad and painful to see.
Those of us who work closest with her, are all very concerned since
she lives alone, her two grown daughters now out on their own, and
does not seem to have any close family close by - that one day she
will simply not show up for work, there will be no sick call and
everyone will be just sitting there asking "has anyone heard from
her?" - and that she will be laying on the floor at home either in a
coma or dead....

Talk about Powerless....I have at least tried in my own way to educate
some of the other folks in regards to liver disease etc, people who
make comments like "its alchohol, what do you expect" and let them
know that it is not as cut and dry as that. Hell I was married for
years to a stark raving alcholic who eventually died as a direct
result of the drinking and even HE never turned the color that this
woman is....so very sad. Just makes you want to grab these people by
the throat and try to shake some sense into them...:(