Sorry, this was supposed to go some where else. My bad.

Truisms  

Group: alt.support.hepatitis-c Date: Sun, Mar 11, 2007, 4:29pm (CDT+5)
From: g@a.com (tom)
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found
him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to
call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example,
northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while
southern Europe is going to be poor.
Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a
continent of black people. Balance in all things," God continued
pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while
this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and
said, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on
earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes,
forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State
are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they
are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely
sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout
the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about
balance, God? You said there would be balance."
God smiled, "There is another Washington...Wait until you see the idiots
I put there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Fighting over religion is arguing over who has the best imaginary
friend"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The US Post Office should just raise postage rates by two dollars an
ounce with the promise that they won't raise rates for at least a week.
They'll never go for it; they couldn't possibly wait a whole week.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Winston Churchill once said that "Inevitably, Americans always do what
it right.......but only after they have exhausted all other
possibilities."
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<sniff sniff>
I smell campo turds here.  :-)
elmo

http://community.webtv.net/elmoemerson/DocElmosHepFile

http://community.webtv.net/elmoemerson/TheFamilyAlbum

This is from another NG.  Dalton McGuinty was a Premier of Ontario...

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Dalton McGuinty in Hell

Some time in the future, Dalton McGuinty dies and goes to Heaven.  At
the Pearly Gates he meets St. Peter, who tells him: "Mr. McGuinty, you
have been given a choice; you can either spend eternity in Heaven, or
spend it in Hell."

"Gee, I don't know, " replies McGuinty.  "Without my pollsters and
advisers, how am I supposed to decide?"

"You will spend one day in Hell, and one day in Heaven," the saint
tells him, "and then decide which one you prefer."  McGuinty agrees,
and the next day takes the elevator down to Hell.

Exiting the elevator, McGuinty finds himself in a lavish country
club.  A huge party is in progress, both in the club and spilling
outside into the perfect weather.  Countless demon-servants scurry
among the guests, bearing trays of every kind of food and drink one
could want.  Incubi and succubi also mingle with the crowd, promising
unimaginable sexual pleasures.

McGuinty relaxes and joins the party.  He liberally helps himself to
the food and drink (not to mention the succubi).  He runs into
Trudeau, Chrétien, Martin - all his Liberal heroes - and they have a
wonderful time reminiscing about and mutually praising their political
careers.  They introduce him to the Devil, who also turns out to be an
admirer.

McGuinty has never enjoyed himself more.  It is only with great
reluctance that he boards the elevator at midnight, to ride back up
for his day in Heaven.

He is awakened at dawn for the all-day religious service.  It's an
impressive enough service, with the celestial choir and God Himself
preaching; but McGuinty is tired and hung-over, and after six hours or
so is also bored out of his mind.

So, on the third day, he goes back to St. Peter.  "Have you made your
decision?" the saint asks him.

"Yes," McGuinty replies.  "I didn't think I'd say this, but I enjoyed
Hell a lot more.  I'd like to spend eternity there."

The saint asks, "Is that your final answer?" and McGuinty assures him
that it is.  "So be it," St. Peter replies.

So McGuinty gets back on the elevator, and rides back down to Hell for
all eternity.  This time he emerges into a dank, foggy dungeon, with
bodies chained to the walls, screaming in agony while demons torture
them mercilessly.

Suddenly the Devil himself appears, with two accompanying demons.  The
demons grab McGuinty and begin to chain him to the wall.  By this
time, McGuinty is himself screaming: "What's happening?  Hell wasn't
like this two days ago."

The Devil explains: "Two days ago we were campaigning."

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