I ordered a fart machine from Farts.com several months ago, but they
never sent it to me.  I blew it off because I didn't want to make a big
stink about it.  

Yeah, I read about the gal lighting matches to disguise her farts. She
had a 'medical condition' that caused her farting. ahahahahahahahahh!!!
Flatulitis, I guess. I'm surprised they didn't throw her in Gitmo for a
few years....just for good measure. The gal should have walked up to the
first class section, farted, then went back to her seat. Me? I'd have
just sat there and farted, then turned and smiled at the person sitting
next to me. "Excuse me, maam. I ate a dead, rotting rat for breakfast.
<ripppppppppp> Boy, does that stink, doesn't it?" Other passenger:
"Stewardess!! Would you pleaaasssse move me to another seat?"
Stewardess: I'm sorry, lady. We don't have any other seats." Elmo:
<rippppppppppp> Other passenger: "OH MY GODDD!!!" <ralllllllppppphhhh>
Stewardess: "I'll notify the pilot we have a sick passenger."
Pilot: "Pilot to Tower, can you read me?"
Tower: "Yeah, and I can smell you too. You are cleared to land but you
must taxi to the far end of the runway." Elmo: <rippppppppppppppp>
Passengers and Crew: <ralllllllppppppppphhhhhhhh> Ground Controller:
"Evacuate the airport immediately."
Passenger: <lights a match>
Flight 109 explodes in a fireball as it touches down in Schenechtedy.
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