It's taken a couple of days to try to get my wits together and make some
sense of the events and polarization of the last few days. I was thrilled to
find there was indeed a support group for folks like me dealing with HCV,
and related issues.However as is probably true for some others, this is not
the sole health/social issue I'm dealing with. I do understand that I have
spent and apparently still do dwell on what has been described as
self-pity.At 53 y.o., this is the first time in my entire life this has been
true. Try to understand some of the issues. In the recent past I have
detailed my health issues ad nauseum, so I won't do that now. However, in
the last 2 1/2 years I have made a number of important decisions that have
affected me and those who were close to me adversely, and those decisions
were the absolutely the wrong thing to have done. I made the mistake of
putting my faith and complete trust in someone who had convinced me that my
and my daughter's best interest were at heart. To make a long story shorter,
I was betrayed,, we had a falling out,(you don't want to know the details),
and abandoned, after having put all of my strength and assets into
relocating here in Hawaii. I have been paralyzed emotionally, and other
ways, and am having great difficulty trusting my judgment and decisions. In
this venue and others I have asked for input, or suggestions, and the range
of responses is incredible. My decisions have ruined the life of a teenage
girl, and she now has issues trusting adults and others. I cannot go back in
time. I'll bet most of us wish we could. I had literally and figuratively
followed a powerful personality cult like figure. What a mistake.This
individual thrived on personal power, and used the powers of persuasion and
the gift of gab to gain his own ends, which I know now were extremely
selfish. After this falling out I have been assaulted and threatened,(no I
cannot go the authorities, no proof).This individual, believe it or not,
thrives on my suffering, like an psychic vampire. Yes, they exist. You may
have met them yourself.They increase their personal power base by
influencing others lives,insinuating themselves into your life, and
manipulating you and yours to no end. This individual caused me to cut ties
to what family and friends I did have. This assures him control over ones
life completely. It's all about power believe it or not.He never,never took
no for an answer. I was gradually worn down, and trusted him. Know this
people, there is truly evil out there in this world, however, they rarely
see themselves as such.This has been my personal experience. May God help
and forgive me. I am only human, and as such imperfect.

To all of this, add in the mix of failing health, HCV and TX, and maybe now
you may begin to understand why some of the issues I have brought up have
little to do with HCV.The decisions I made were virtually irrevocable.
Unfortunately or perhaps wisely I have consulted with a number of
counselors, shrinks, social workers, etc.And although well meaning, not a
damn one of them has been able to help put me on the path to healing,
trusting, and making wise and good decisions.Everyone I consult has their
own approach and ideas, depending upon their training and experience. Most
of these professional helpers just show up and justify their own existence
and job security. I haven't found a darn one who can help me, I'm running
out of strength. In all aspects.

O.K, now I have really bared my soul, so to speak.If it does seem as if I'm
wallowing in a pool of self pity, I apologize. That is probably true. If
there are some of you out there who do not wish to hear from me, then please
put me in your kill file. It's easy enough to do.For just a little while
longer I shall continue to ask questions, and perhaps, who knows, the right
answer may present itself. In the meanwhile, for the most part I have and am
enjoying meeting and communicating with some nice folks.The majority of you
all out there.We all, at one time or another require support in one form or
another, and for the most part I have been pleased with the responses I have
received here at a.s.hc. On those occasions I have been able to help others
it makes me feel good and gives one a sense of worthiness.Thank you for your
responses and inputs and your patience. If you wish to say something a
little more personally and not publicly, just e-mail me. I will listen, and
enjoy the contact. However if there are you who only wish to hurt further,
save it.We're full up.
Maybe some of you may recognize some of yourself here. I hope this help
explain the nature of some of my posts here.
Thanks, John