8>< snipped but read

Hugs to you.  That's does sound truly scary but thank goodness you have a
very supportive fiance and mother but I will have to leave it to others to
give you the help and guidance you need.

I'm not epileptic but my son is and I have long said that he could hear
what was being said to him when he had a fit/seizure.  So your post has
helped me because you have confirmed what I have believed.  It's also
helped me to understand more clearly what is happening to him.  He can't
tell me himself because he is also autistic.  So, from that point of view,
thank you for your post.

I couldn't see any grammar/spelling mistakes either ;))

Hi Amanda
 I truly  feel for you and yes I have had those same feelings and although
I am "controlled now"....when I get depressed from our wonderful meds...I
find it hard to get back on top ..
Having your feels is one of our normal feelings but not ones that most
people have the courage to mention so Cudoos to you....
Hang in there and talk with your doctor and see if maybe your meds should be
adjusted or changed..
But..having a seizure is damn scary and one that all of us hate...and hate
afterwards as we know that it scares the crap out of our friends and
partners that witness them..
The last time I had one was in my office and I tried so hard not to go out
and was on the ground saying no no no...and rubbing my head on the carpet
...and when I came to I had a wonderful carpet burn on my forhead and now a
nice scare in it's place...yet just another little reminder that epilepsy
will always keep us on our toes...
Just remember this...
We have epilepsy....epilepsy does not have us!!!!!!!!!!!
cheers and hang in there and read and post here ...
we are a good group!
Jim

Below I'll 'paste a post'  I did about a week ago that describes 4-5
newsgroups you'd find of use.  (I guess I should do this once a week!) .
Especially for his peace of mind, your Fiance'd probably like a Printout of
the First Aid for Seizures page from Julie's Idaho Website (The first one,
the Second one is for Seizures in Water if you swim much).

    There are lots of good links and ideas within the Main Idaho Website,
so you don't have to re-invent a lot of safety ideas, that others have
assembled with Julie over the last ~5 years on the Idaho Website.

   Under the efa.org link there's a Medications Glossary where you can
enter a particular Anti Ep Drug (AED) and it'll pull up a one page summary,
if you didn't get one from your Druggist.

   I think the First (of two) First aid charts is also handy to tell which
type of seizure you have at a Particular time.  It sounds like you might be
having Simple Partials (Aura only),  Complex Partials -- Secondarily
Generalizing? (Mine - but it's where you start with loss of awareness and if
it generalizes it's like a Circuit Overload in Electric Wiring, and that's
where you pass out),   Or?  Grand Mals  (Some symptoms similar but affects a
different area of the brain than the C.P. Types?).    Anyway each of Main
Symptom types are described on that chart, and it's worth having printed so
he can just look at the Chart and not Panic about what to do.

  1)  The CALMER Talking approach helps us to come back Better than
panicking, since we're not aware what happened while we're 'away'...  so
having a bunch of people standing around in a Panic when we come back might
just upset us.     Better to have someone sitting quietly and smiling saying
something like,  'You're Back!!  You missed dessert!  :-> '   or similar...
or just talk quietly to us.
  2)  If your seizures are starting or passing through the Temporal Lobes,
those affect emotions and feelings we have before or during the seizure.
Whatever Negative or Positive feelings you have while in 'the Twilight Zone'
have no direct bearing toward How you feel while Conscious and "Normal"....
any negatives you had while there, do NOT Relate to your Conscious Life --
they're an erratic Electrical firing that you have no control over.   (The
Temporal Lobes used to be called The Seat of the Soul, since they're where
we store 'who we are' in,  so when things get erratic there (if that's where
your's are too),  we're not aware who we are or what we say or do while that
area is misfiring.

    Some people think these seizures give a doorway to our 'inner
selves'-->  since I didn't remember most of mine until they were closer to
full control,  they didn't give ME must of a doorway... :-<
   HERE is the Older Post (**Below your note) that has some of the links --
I Think this one might be where I forgot the Howdy Dave site :-<  He has one
that you can get to from the address at the end of one of his posts that
went up several times over last 2 days.   G./

G.->   Below is a repeat of an older post, that I did after new people were
looking for sites about Living with Epilepsy.  It has all the sites except
for Howdy Dave's and another medications site that was posted about a week
ago.   I'll add those in a moment if I find them.  G./
****************
I did a couple of posts over last ~3 days where I referred a few people to
'the Idaho First Aid Chart' or 'Idaho Website' without seeing it up on any
posts I have right now in my charts.

 So for anyone who hasn't seen these already -->
The General Site that Julie operates for Epilepsy Idaho group is at:
http://www.epilepsyidaho.org .

The 'First Aid chart' I frequently refer to can be located by entering and
wandering about site above, but can be reached direct at
http://www.epilepsyidaho.org/seizure.htm  .
 There's a Second topic added about 4? months ago that goes more into First
Aid in Water, on Aircraft, etc.  It's at
http://www.epilepsyidaho.org/seizure2.htm  .

 Also accessible from top site, but more detail on Learning about Epilepsy
can be found at http://www.epilepsyidaho/learn.htm   .  That one has quite a
few more links, information on kids newly diagnosed? (I think) and general
questions that others might ask, or those newly diagnosed.

  If there's no link there to a Medications Glossary, the Ep. Foundation of
America has one (of several)  within http://efa.org   .        G./

I'm so sorry Amanda.

I think gaross has some excellent advice. When you feel better, you need to
talk to your fiancee about him learning not to fall apart. He needs to know
how to stay calm for your sake, and most importantly know when and when not
to get help.

Just about everyone here knows exactly how you feel. This is a wonderful
place, but sometimes it's so frustrating to only be able to post. I hope
this passes soon. I wish we could all help each other more.

 One of the Medications Glossary sites 'Howdy'  posted about a month ago is
contained in this older post of mine.  This one also contains the link into
His main site I referred to on the earlier note to you.  G./  ->
*******
  Below was posted earlier this month by Howdy Dave as his favourite site
for information on Prescription Medications.   This is last of the 3 older
Postings with Websites that might be of interest to others who haven't seen
them.   G./
****************************

Howdy!
When it comes to prescription meds, my favorite site is:
http://www.rxlist.com
--
Dave ????
"Noli illigitemi carborundum decendus"
http://www.howdydave.com

Need Inspiration?  Feeling a little down?   Check out this list of people
who had or were thought to have had some type of Epilepsy  (This is from
someone else's post about 6 weeks ago on the Group.  It's not mine, but
includes most of names I had heard about on various sites. )   /G. -->

I found these in different places on the Internet.

People with Epilepsy

Agatha Christie
Alexander the Great-Military Commander and Ruler
Alfred Nobel- The Nobel Prize is named after him
Apostle St. Paul-in the bible where he talks about the thorn in his side,
thorn is believed to be epilepsy
Aristotle
Bobby Jones (Philadelphia 76'ers basketball player)
Bonnie Franklin (actress)
Bud Abbott-(Abbott & Costello)
Buddha
Buddy Bell-USA (Pro Baseball player/manager)
Charles Dickens
Danny Glover
Deborah McFadden- Commissioner, Administration on Developmental Disabilities
Dionne Quintuplets
Edward Lear- Author and Painter
Florence Griffith Joyner
Feodor Dostoevsky
Gary Howatt- Hockey player, New York Islanders
George Fredrick Handel
Greg Walker- Baseball player, Chicago White Sox
Gustavo Flaubert-Poet
Hal Lanier- Baseball Player and manager
Handel
Hannibal of Carthage
Hugo Weaving
James Madison-US President
Joan of Arc - French patriot
Julius Caesar
Kerry Armstrong
Leonardo da Vinci
Lewis Carroll- Author of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
Lindsay Buckingham (Fleetwood Mac)
Lord Byron
Margaux Hemmingway (actress)
Marion Clignet- Champion Cyclist, US and abroad
Michelangelo
Mike Nolan (Singer)
Mohammed
Napoleon Bonaparte - Military Commander, and ruler
Neil Young
Peter Iliac Tchaikovsky -Composer
Peter the Great - Russian Czar
Pythagoras
Rabbi Lionel Blue
Richard Burton (actor)
Richard Jobson
Socrates - Greek Philosopher
Tony Coelho- US Congressman
Tony Greig -England (Cricket)
Tony Lazzari -USA (Baseball)
Truman Capote
Vachel Lindsay
Vincent van Gogh- Painter
William III
William Morris
**********************

Amanda,

*hugggggzzzzzz* My fianc?e has acted like yours did when my seizures were a
little out of the usual in the past. I guess the thing to do would be to sit
down and talk to him about how your seizures look like and when to get
worried and call for a ambulance or whatever. I have complex partial and
simple partial seizures which have nearly ended up in grandmal's a couple of
times and that was really out of character for me... so yeah do some
research and sit down and explain the facts .. I hope you feel better real
soon.

Hugggz from Sydney Australia...

Allie M.

http://au.groups.yahoo.com/group/australian_epilepsy_group/
http://www.stixdesigns.com.au/epilepsy-support/index.html

Hi Amanda,

I've been having complex partials for 30 years now. Was having grand mals
before that. One thing that I've found with my C.P's is that they are
accompanied by a feeling of extreme fear - for no particular reason. As
Gordon (gaross) said, the temporal lobes are where our emotions are
centered. I guess that's where my feelings of fear are coming from when I
have a C.P seizure. I also often feel extreme anger and when my wife is
near, I feel a strong urge to punch her (fortunately, I've always been able
to stop myself). After the seizure is over and I have recovered, however,
those feelings go away. And my wife understands that this is just a part of
the seizure - it's not me.
I believe that this may be similar to your situation. You felt fearful and
like you didn't want to live any more - but that wasn't you speaking - it
was the seizure pushing up feelings which you wouldn't normally feel.
My seizures are similar to yours was in that I can hear when I'm being
spoken to, but cannot reply. My wife will tell me "let go of my arm, you're
crushing it" or similar and I will hear it and be aware that I'm doing it,
but not be able to comply with her request.
Hang in there. It would be so great to meet with others with the same
problems, but this newsgroup is a great place to get support from people who
know what you are going through.

All the best.
Darryl.

There is some information about this at
<http://www.epilepsy.com/epilepsy/research_suicidal_ideation.html>

I haven't had any suicidal thoughts after a seizure, but I have had very
deep feelings of negativity, dread, fear, disappointment, feeling
extremely down after seizures.  I didn't know until recently that those
feelings might just be due to the aftereffects of a seizure.  I thought
something was wrong with my personality or mental health or something.

Barb