Hello-

I have posted here before, and received many warm responses and sensible
advice, so I’m insinuating myself again--tomorrow is the eighth
anniversary of my son’s traumatic brain injury that left him with a
seizure disorder.  On this occasion, I usually do a little damage to my
own brain with a lot of good scotch, but I want to skip that from now on.

John is now twenty and his prospects are as yet bleak, but I really have
confidence that he can change.  He tried a semester of college last fall
and it was a disaster: the crazed dorm life and heat (south Texas) and
the acquired learning disabilities were just insurmountable.  He
currently takes 2000 mg of Depakote (finally weaned off Dilantin) and as
long as his dosage is reliable and regular, he is seizure-free.  At
college, we are certain there were big inconsistencies in his dosage; he
suffered three neuromotor seizures, one of which required a trip to the
hospital.

Learning that John has become dependent on Depakote makes me very sad--I
wish there was another way.  Now, the guy is at home, sleeping about
12-14 hours daily, up at weird hours; nearly completely sedentary.  He
wants to get a job, and we are trying to guide him through a couple or
three job applications, but he has to be seizure-free and able to work a
full day--currently, he cannot do it.  His short-term memory is just
awful, due to the big knock his frontal lobe suffered (among other
areas).  The “executive decision” area of the frontal lobe [so says the
neuroligist] leaves him virtually unable to initiate a task
(well...nothin' that he doesn’t want to do...). He’s a big fellow but
not tough; I don’t think he can coexist with other rough ‘n’ tough guys
his age.  I remember how it was as a kid on the docks in Galveston: you
don’t show weakness or a submissive attitude.  He is basically a loner,
his “friends” having all abandoned him over the years and is exceedingly
clumsy meeting people.

BUT-------he has a lot to offer, he’s smart (formerly a 4.0 student),
witty, can draw and write well, digs “classical” music and loves his
family.  Pretty good looking except for some persistent facial tics that
are hard to ignore.  Damn---it’s so unfair.  I have suspected for years
that he has become comfortably “institutionalized” after we brought him
back from near death--any kid is going to allow people to care for him
and do as little as possible (i would have!).  I have to summon the
courage to push this guy out of this dark nest.

Anyone here been in this situation-?  Any advice-?  How do I try
“tough-love” with this boy without being cruel-?

I often think of a woman I saw about thirty years ago--a
quadriplegic--who painted postcards with a brush in her mouth.  I had
forgotten about her until I had a challenged kid of my own.  By
comparison, it ain’t so bad.

I thank you all for the dry shoulder.

Buzz,

N Texas