Hi, I'm new to this site.  Here's my story...
I've had epilepsy since I was a year old. I had a GTC, possibly casued by
a fever when I was a baby. I was on phenobarb from 1-5 when my parents
finally took me off of it (with DR.'s permission) b/c I hadn't had another
seizure and the side effects were horrible, i.e. running into walls,
sleeping all of the time, etc.

So I was seizure free until I hit puberty when the seizures came back,
only this time as complex partial.  From the age 10 - 18 I was on a
variety of different medications and combonations of meds.  I had a
temporal lobectomy in 2000.  I have had only 1 seizure since the
operation.  It happened when I was off of all my meds and not taking care
of myself.  I've been "seizure free" for 3 years now.

My problem is now I'm going through this "quarter-life crisis".  I just
finshed  college and have started my career.  I've been reflecting a lot
on my past and I've been left with some stark realizations and some major
questions:  

1.  I really don't remember much of my childhood.  I guess mostly due to
the fact that I was drugged up for the majority of it. (This was true
before I had surgery...the surgery did not affect my memory)

2.  The things I do remember mostly relate to my illness.  My parents
tried to help me lead as "normal" a life as possible when I was growing
up...but I was still different than my friends.  After all of this time I
still try to blend in to the group...I don't like it when I stand out or
am the center of attention.

3.  Now I'm not sure that I want to have children in the future because I
don't want my kids to have the childhood that I did or be forced to take
care of me if I start having seizures again.  I know that most mothers
with epilepsy have healthy children, but there is always that risk.  I
read once that a child of a person with epilepsy (mother or father) have
about a 10% greater chance of have epilespy than a child of parents who
have never had a seizure.  In my case, my dad had one seizure as a baby.
Of course, I understand that the chances of my child having epilespy are
slim, but I've never been much of a gambler...

Anyways, back to my quarter-life crisis.  I guess I'm going through one of
those "what does it all mean" phases.  I am now working as a nurse in a
nureosurgical ICU (full circle?) and see patients everyday that remind me
of myself.  I feel like now I can look at my situation with a better
perspective than I used to be able to, but I still occasionally ask
myself: Why me?  What if?  When will I have another seizure?  

So I guess the point is I am just venting.  It's good to hear stories from
people who are going through the same things.

Thanks for listening,
MR