"If I Were A Fit Man..."
By Kurt

(sung to "If I Were A Rich Man" from
Fiddler on the Roof)

(SPOKEN:) Dear God, you made many, many diabetic people. I realize, of
course, that it's no great shame to be diabetic... but it's no great
honor, either. So what would have been the difference if I had... a
healthy pancreas?

If I were a fit man,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
All day long I'd eat the food I like
If I were a healthy man.
I wouldn't have to finger prick,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
If I was just a little-biddy fit,
Daidle deedle daidle daidle man.

I'd build a big tall stack of pancakes maybe a dozen
Right in the middle of the plate,
A big pat of butter melting on each one just below.
There would be a big pitcher of syrup poured on top
And I'd smile as it dripped all the way down,
And top it off with whip cream and a cherry, just for show.

I'd throw my lancet and my strips and my glucose meter
And other meds into the trash and then I'd jump around and sing and
dance,
Squawking just as noisily as I feel I can,
And each loud "yippee! yahoo! I'm cured! Whoppee-wow!"
Would land like a trumpet on the ear,
As if to say, "Here lives a healthy man."
Oy!

If I were a fit man,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
All day long I'd exercise and not go low
If I were a healthy man.
I wouldn't have to worry,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
If I were a non-diabetes,
Daidle deedle daidle daidle man.

I see my friends, here on ASD, all looking like non diabetic pals,
With a proper blood sugar,
All eating their meals to their heart's delight.
I see them without any complications or fears,
Oy! What a happy mood they're in,
No need to post on Usenet day and night.

The most important doctors in town will come to fawn on me--
They will ask me to advise them,
Like a Solomon the Wise--
"If you please, cured Kurt?"--
"Pardon me, cured Kurt?"--
Posing problems that would cross an Endo's eyes--
(chanting) Ah ha Ah Ah Ah ha Ya Say Ah, Ah Ah Ah Oh my, How so?
And it won't make one bit of difference
If I answer right or wrong--
When you're fit, they think you really know.

If I were fit, I'd have the time that I lack
To sleep at night without out the fear of hypo,
And maybe get up once to have a snack,
And I'd discuss diabetes with no one because I no longer
Have it bother me at all each and every day--
That would be the sweetest thing of all...
Oy!

If I were a fit man,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
All day long I'd eat the food I like
If I were a healthy man.
I wouldn't have to test at all,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
Lord who made the lion and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am--
Would it spoil some vast, eternal plan,
If I were a healthy non diabetic man?

Maybe someday.....