DMI Christmas Party Memo

   FROM: Pam Cashman, DMI Event Planner

   TO: All Employees

   DATE: 1 December 05

   RE: Christmas Party

   I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will
take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private party room
of the
Grill House Restaurant. There will be a no-host bar with plenty of booze!
We'll also have a small live band playing traditional carols (please feel
free to sing along).

   A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Don't be surprised if the
CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! Exchange of gifts among employees will
also happen at that time, but no gift should be over $10.00 to make it
easy on everyone's wallet.

    This gathering is for employees only! Be prepared! The CEO will
make a special announcement at the Party.

   Merry Christmas to you and your family!

   Pam
   ------------------------------------------------------------------
   FROM: Pam Cashman, DMI Event Planner

   TO: All Employees

   DATE: 2 December 05

   RE: Holiday Party

   I¹m so sorry! In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude
our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday and
often coincides with Christmas, just not this year. Just the same, from
now on,  we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same consideration
applies to any of the other employees who are not Christians. So, there
will be
no Christmas tree or Christmas carols. We will have other types of
music for your enjoyment. Happy now?

   Happy Holidays to you and your family,

   Pam.
   ------------------------------------------------------------------
   FROM: Pam Cashman, DMI Event Planner

   TO: All Employees

   DATE: 5 December 05

   RE: Holiday Party

   Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name! I'm
happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore! How am I supposed to
handle this? By the way, forget about the gift exchange! No gift
exchange will be
allowed since Union officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and
Management believes $10.00 is a little cheap. So, THE GIFT EXCHANGE IS
CANCELLED!!

   Pam.
   ------------------------------------------------------------------
   FROM: Pam Cashman, DMI Event Planner

   TO: All Employees

   DATE: 6 December 05

   RE: Holiday Party

   What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th
begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a daytime luncheon this time of year does not accommodate the
beliefs of our  Muslim employees. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off
serving
your meal until it gets dark, or else package everything up for you to take
home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged
for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and
pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets.

     Gays are allowed to sit with each other but lesbians do not have
to sit with the gay men. Each group will have its own table. Yes, there will
be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too. And to the person
asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed!

   In addition, we will have booster seats for short people, and
low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. Since we cannot control
the salt content of the food, we suggest those people with high blood
pressure actually taste the food first. There will be fresh fruit
available for diabetics since the restaurant cannot provide sugar-free
desserts.

   Did I miss anything???

   Pam.
   ------------------------------------------------------------------
   FROM: Pam Cashman, DMI Event Plaanner

   TO: All F****** Employees

   DATE: 7 December 05

   RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

   I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep
this party at  the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the  table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put
it. You'll  get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you
know tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.
I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!

     I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Go ahead, drink, drive and
die!!!

   Pam, the Bitch from HELL
   --------------------------------------------------------------
   FROM: Gregg, Marketing Director

   DATE: 8 December 05

   RE: Pam Cashman and the Holiday Party

   I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pamela Cashman a speedy
   recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the
   meantime, Management has decided to cancel the party.  Happy
Holidays, anyway!

***This is completely fictional, some of the names are real to make the
joke a little more enjoyable, but the story is completely untrue. Hope
you enjoyed this e-mail. Have a safe and happy holiday!***