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Medical Forum / General / Dentistry / November 2006Fear of Dentists
I am new here. I was browsing to see if there were any posts about fear of dentists. I didn't see any. I've had some very bad experiences with dentists who do not understand my fears. I went to one who I was just beginning to trust a little bit when he screamed at me because I came in after having a tooth extracted and complained of pain that was lasting way too long. It was a dry socket, and I just showed up on a Monday morning because I was still in pain after having the tooth removed the Thursday before. He said to me, "You came in here as if it were some kind of emergency or something. What do you want me to do, torture you by packing it?" Of course, my tearful reply was "no." He proceeded to stick his poky thing right down into the dry socket hole. I put my hand up on my chin and started to cry. He just kept yelling at me about how I gave him such a hard time every time I came to see him. I think this was abusive. I certainly didn't go back. All he did was reinforce my fear. I am now trying a new dentist, one who my niece has seen since she was just a wee little girl. He is very kind, understanding, and gentle. My teeth are bad because of my fear keeping me from preventive treatments. I have an appointment with him tomorrow morning to have a broken tooth extracted. I am scared sh*tless, but I have also agreed to having all my teeth X-rayed and having a full exam -- after which he says we'll draw up a plan for the many little cavities I have. I told him last time that I almost felt like I'd rather just have them all pulled out rather than face the fear. I have two conditions, besides the fear, that complicate matters. When I had my wisdom teeth removed, the oral surgeon damaged a nerve in the lower left quandrant. This left me with parasthesia (sp) there. I have gotten used to it, but it sends little electrical shock feelings through that area when the dentist numbs me. I also have Meniere's Disease, an imbalance of water in my inner ear that makes the sound of the drill go right through my head and cause pain in my ears. I think this new dentist understands all of these things. We sat and talked -- he actually listens to me -- about all my fears and problems. Do most dentists really not understand that there of those of us who are scared to death of them? Am I that unusual? Help! Eva > I am new here. I was browsing to see if there were any posts about fear > of dentists. I didn't see any. I've had some very bad experiences with [quoted text clipped - 39 lines] > > Eva You are not unusual. I am glad to hear you have found a dentist who may not only be normal, but may have a significant compassion level. Just as there are many patients like you, there are many good dentists out there. Unfortunately, it is not necessary to demonstrate one's continued emotional stability periodically in order to maintain one's license in most jurisdictions. Or (trying to be extra empathetic myself) maybe Dr. Mengele just had a particularly rough morning when he dressed you down. Either way, it's unacceptable, and you are IMO fully justified based on this one incident to find another dentist. Steve  SignatureMark & Steven Bornfeld DDS http://www.dentaltwins.com Brooklyn, NY 718-258-5001 >> I think this new dentist understands all of these things. We sat and >> talked -- he actually listens to me -- about all my fears and problems. [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > > Steve Thank you. I do think I've chosen the right dentist this time. I am just so scared of what he'll say when he does this full exam. I have neglected going to the dentist for so long because of my fear. I do know that the dentist who screamed at me was going through a divorce. But I also believe that people should leave their problems at home and not bring them to work. The new dentist has apologized for his colleague's behavior. I'm not so much afraid of having the tooth pulled as I am of starting a new relationship and gaining some trust with this new dentist. I know that he almost cried himself when my niece cried as he filled a cavity for her. I just don't understand why some dentists can't take the time to talk to a person first before just jumping in there. All I need is a little patience and understanding. I know I have lots of little cavities. Do you think it's reasonable for me to expect this dentist to fill more than one at a time if they are close together? This could save me the anxiety I feel at even the thought of going into that office and smelling the dentist smells. My pain threshhold is high -- but the last dentist said I was a baby. I can take the pain part -- it's the not knowing what comes next that scares me so much. Gosh, I don't know what I really expect you to be able to do for me. I guess I just need reassurance. Thanks for answering me. Eva I guess a little more history would help you if you're willing to help me overcome my fear. When I was 11, we had a nice dentist. This was back in the day when there weren't painless shots. The first dentist would baby me along and rub some gel on my gums before he gave me a shot. It really is all about understanding with me. One day, I was sitting in the chair waiting for my regular dentist when a total stranger walked in to tell me he was the new dentist. The old one had retired. So he just started coming at me with the needle. I cried and said no. I wouldn't let him give me the shot. He started drilling on my tooth without the shot. I, of course, was screaming in pain. He stopped what he was doing, slapped my face, and then gave me the shot. I was only 11, for God's sake. I didn't know what to do. It was horrifying. It only made everything worse. I have had good, kind dentists after that. But they always seem to retire and leave me. Who me, paranoid? Nah! Anyway, I've told all my horror stories to this new dentist so he would know exactly what causes my fear. He said that they told them in dental school that it was all right to hold your hand over a child's mouth and pinch his/her nose shut if they cried. He said he just wouldn't do some of the things they said to do. I know that he will be patient and careful with me. But the fear is so strong. I'm starting to get scared now. I even cried when I read your kind and compassionate answer to me. I know I'll cry before they even touch me tomorrow. If you've ever had a patient as scared as I am, how long did it take them to come to trust you? Eva, freaking out now >Eva, freaking out now I was in a similar situation this last summer. Finding the right dentist made all the difference in my experience in the chair, and getting the work done has made an EXTRAORDINARY difference in my quality of life. I never would have guessed how much better things are with the discomfort gone, the self-consciousness gone, the ability to eat vastly improved, and so on. And having the work itself done was nothing like the old days. Really, I was scared sh*tless for years beforehand, but it was great. I normally avoid drugs, medication, and so on, but let me put in a plug for sedation dentistry. You won't remember a thing afterward, and the dentist can get a lot more done in one session. SignatureMelinda Shore - Software longa, hardware brevis - shore@panix.com Prouder than ever to be a member of the reality-based community >> Eva, freaking out now > [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > thing afterward, and the dentist can get a lot more done in > one session. Thank you, Melinda. This does help me. It's good to know I'm not the only one who's scared. I have a lot of pain every single day because of my bad teeth, and I am hoping that I can get past the fear and fix these problems. I have Meniere's Disease, and I take xanax on a daily basis. So I don't normally take anything besides that. I will, however, be taking an extra small dose when I arrive at the office. It will help calm me down. So I'm kinda doing my own sedation. But don't worry -- I've been taking this medication for my ear problems for over 12 years, and I know how to handle it. I'm not going to do anything weird like take way too much. I know just how much to take. I don't know what kind of sedation you mean. I have been given nitrous oxide before, but it made me feel like I was going to faint. I don't think I tolerate it well. I don't know if this dentist does any sedation, but he didn't mention it. I think he probably would have when I was *very clear* with him about how afraid I am. I appreciate your time. I do feel a little foolish for being so scared. It's just really hard to find a dentist who doesn't treat me like a fool for being afraid. This guy is a little expensive, but I think the trust issue is most important. Eva >Thank you, Melinda. This does help me. It's good to know I'm not the >only one who's scared. It's common enough that there are dentists who advertise as specializing in apprehensive patients. The main thing is that you're taking the right steps to find a dentist who you can work with and towards taking control of your health. Ironically, I felt like a huge dope about it before I saw my new dentist but not after because she really helped me stop feeling like such a freak about it. Kudos to you for getting past your fear and getting this taken care of. SignatureMelinda Shore - Software longa, hardware brevis - shore@panix.com Prouder than ever to be a member of the reality-based community >> Thank you, Melinda. This does help me. It's good to know I'm not the >> only one who's scared. [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > feeling like such a freak about it. Kudos to you for > getting past your fear and getting this taken care of. I do kinda-sorta know that there are lots of people who are afraid. My little sister is one of them, and she's gone to this dentist before. She says he's kind and gentle. I have stalled it off and stalled it off, but I have at least finally taken the first step in going to see him last month. I did have to take a round of antibiotics because the tooth was infected. He did not charge me for that visit, even tho he did an X-ray. I will keep your suggestion in mind about the sedation dentist. First I will see how I do with this guy. I really think that I just need that bit of understanding and compassion to gain courage. I know what it's like to feel like a big dope for being so scared. But I have to move forward and take control, like you said. He has promised me that he would never, ever yell at me or look down on me for being afraid. He does seem like a really nice guy. Thank you for your encouragement. It helps more than you will ever know. Bless your heart. Eva >>Eva, freaking out now > [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] >thing afterward, and the dentist can get a lot more done in >one session. I couldn't agree more. Well said. Well, it's done. The actual pulling wasn't that bad. It went really fast. All I had to do was distinguish between pain and pressure. The shot hurt, and they had a hard time getting me numb with novacain -- then they used carbocaine(sp), and then little shots of lidocaine right around the tooth itself. They were kind and careful, taking time to understand how I react. I was good -- I only cried when they said they were going to give me the shot. I didn't cry at all when they actually gave me the shot or pulled the tooth. The only thing that brought tears was the thought of getting the shot. So I survived. :) Thanks to all who offered advice. I think I'll be able to go back and get the little cavities fixed now. They said most of them are so small that they will be able to use a laser and not even need to give me shots. Phew! Eva > I guess a little more history would help you if you're willing to help > me overcome my fear. [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > > Eva, freaking out now Fear comes in all shapes sizes and forms. You have clearly had some unacceptable experiences in the past. But you have also had dentists who were kind and compassionate, and it sounds like you have one now. There is no way I can tell you how long it will take you to trust your new dentist, given your history. But it's clear you have a handle on what is unacceptable behavior, and here I would tend to trust your own instincts on this. Some dentists work with sedatives, inhalation agents, hypnosis, and even general anesthesia, and this is an option you may wish to explore. Your dentist should be able to discuss this with you, and refer you as necessary. You may also want to speak to your physician, as a short-term anxiety medication may be all that you need. Good luck, Steve > Fear comes in all shapes sizes and forms. You have clearly had some > unacceptable experiences in the past. But you have also had dentists who [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > Good luck, > Steve Thanks, Steve. I know you can't give me any absolutes. It did help me to talk to you about it. I am getting ready to go. I have some confidence now. I'm still a little scared, but at least I'm not backing out. I do appreciate your time. I'm off to get ready to go now. Eva That's plenty of reason to be afraid of dentists. Some dentists "cater to cowards" in my area. However, this isn't really accurate. You sound like a reasonable person who had an unreasonable dentist. But, even though you don't pefectly fit the description, maybe one of these would be better. I'm also wondering if it would be a good idea to offer to meet the dentist for lunch, or something away from the dental office. That way you would get to know each other, and he wouldn't be just a white coat. SignatureChristopher A. Young You can't shout down a troll. You have to starve them. . I guess a little more history would help you if you're willing to help me overcome my fear. When I was 11, we had a nice dentist. This was back in the day when there weren't painless shots. The first dentist would baby me along and rub some gel on my gums before he gave me a shot. It really is all about understanding with me. One day, I was sitting in the chair waiting for my regular dentist when a total stranger walked in to tell me he was the new dentist. The old one had retired. So he just started coming at me with the needle. I cried and said no. I wouldn't let him give me the shot. He started drilling on my tooth without the shot. I, of course, was screaming in pain. He stopped what he was doing, slapped my face, and then gave me the shot. I was only 11, for God's sake. I didn't know what to do. It was horrifying. It only made everything worse. I have had good, kind dentists after that. But they always seem to retire and leave me. Who me, paranoid? Nah! Anyway, I've told all my horror stories to this new dentist so he would know exactly what causes my fear. He said that they told them in dental school that it was all right to hold your hand over a child's mouth and pinch his/her nose shut if they cried. He said he just wouldn't do some of the things they said to do. I know that he will be patient and careful with me. But the fear is so strong. I'm starting to get scared now. I even cried when I read your kind and compassionate answer to me. I know I'll cry before they even touch me tomorrow. If you've ever had a patient as scared as I am, how long did it take them to come to trust you? Eva, freaking out now >>> I think this new dentist understands all of these things. We sat and >>> talked -- he actually listens to me -- about all my fears and problems. [quoted text clipped - 41 lines] > > Eva In general, the office should be able to show some scheduling flexibility to minimize number of visits, if the patient can tolerate longer visits and there is no specific reason not to schedule that way. Steve >> I know I have lots of little cavities. Do you think it's reasonable for me >> to expect this dentist to fill more than one at a time if they are close [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > > Steve Thanks again. I seem to be in need of a little hand-holding today. I am gearing up and trying to get my courage going so I don't melt into a puddle tomorrow morning. Eva >>> I think this new dentist understands all of these things. We sat and >>> talked -- he actually listens to me -- about all my fears and problems. [quoted text clipped - 39 lines] > >Eva Sounds to me that you are a perfect candidate for 'sedation dentistry'. I do this all the time for my fearful patients. Ask your new doc if he does this. ( a little valium before an appointment can make a world of difference) > I am new here. I was browsing to see if there were any posts about fear > of dentists. I didn't see any. That's because the dental forum is here: http://www.dentalfearcentral.org/cgi-bin/yabb2/YaBB.pl It's pretty busy, so you're not unusual :-) ! >> I am new here. I was browsing to see if there were any posts about fear >> of dentists. I didn't see any. [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > It's pretty busy, so you're not unusual :-) ! Thanks for the link. It does help to know I'm not alone in this. Eva > I am new here. I was browsing to see if there were any posts about fear > of dentists. I didn't see any. I've had some very bad experiences with [quoted text clipped - 39 lines] > > Eva You will soon learn that the only thing to be afraid of is the BILL! You never get over than fear no matter how much KY jelly is used! Signature. |
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