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Medical Forum / General / Cardiology / February 2007For Dr. Chung's IMMEDIATE attention
You f.cked up! Or god did. The BIG eclipse is Sept 11, 2007, partial solar, visible over various godforsaken South Atlantic penguin colonies. > You f.cked up! Or god did. The BIG eclipse is Sept 11, > 2007, partial solar, visible over various godforsaken South > Atlantic penguin colonies. Don't be suprised if the sun comes up tomorrow morning and has a red appearance, this was also predicting by the wise, all-knowing and omnipresent Changer. If you see the sun come up tomorrow and it has a yellowish or red appearance, take shelter immediately in your underground bunkers. > > You f.cked up! Or god did. The BIG eclipse is Sept 11, > > 2007, partial solar, visible over various godforsaken South [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > yellowish or red appearance, take shelter immediately in your underground > bunkers. I predict that careful examination will reveal blackish splotches scattered across the surface of the sun. The yawning gates of Hell? Secret Trident undersol bunkers opening up in preparation of a launch at Tehran? Bad pixels? Only time will tell... -- cary > In article <1172007883_12...@sp6iad.superfeed.net> "Machete" <Mach...@home.com> writes: > [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > > Only time will tell... You will also go blind if you stare at it. As for the eclipse, if you listen to coverage on the radio with the volume way up, you'll go deaf. > > In article <1172007883_12...@sp6iad.superfeed.net> "Machete" <Mach...@home.com> writes: > > [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > As for the eclipse, if you listen to coverage on the radio > with the volume way up, you'll go deaf. Leave poor old Chung alone, you are probably scaring the hell out of him. Host. > > > In article <1172007883_12...@sp6iad.superfeed.net> "Machete" > <Mach...@home.com> writes: [quoted text clipped - 25 lines] > > Host. What, me? *I* didn't tell him to flush his pills. "the_Host" <the_Host@everywhere.net> > > > In article <1172007883_12...@sp6iad.superfeed.net> "Machete" > <Mach...@home.com> writes: [quoted text clipped - 23 lines] > > Leave poor old Chung alone, you are probably scaring the hell out of him. Not to worry: his insulation from reality comes with an R-value of something like 45. He's impervious. -- cary > "the_Host" <the_Host@everywhere.net> > > [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > Not to worry: his insulation from reality comes with an R-value > of something like 45. He's impervious. That's what I am afraid of... H. > > "the_Host" <the_H...@everywhere.net> > [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > > That's what I am afraid of... That his head is so dense you could use it for a solar neutrino detector? >> > "the_Host" <the_H...@everywhere.net> >> [quoted text clipped - 40 lines] > That his head is so dense you could use it for a solar > neutrino detector? Well, he definitely a unique individual, you see, his brain contains iridium, an extremely dense metal. Iridium is notable for being the most corrosion resistant element known. That would explain a lot about the Chungster's mental state. Only molten salts are capable of having any effect on Iridium. Perhaps Chung could add this to his popcorn, melted salt might taste good with popcorn after a 378 day fast! > >> "Cary Kittrell" <c...@afone.as.arizona.edu> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 51 lines] > effect on Iridium. Perhaps Chung could add this to his popcorn, melted salt > might taste good with popcorn after a 378 day fast! Didn't supposedly all of the iridium found on Earth arrive on an asteroid that crashed into the Yucatan peninsula some 63 m.y. ago? Therefore, could Chung's improbably dense head have been responsible for wiping out the dinosaurs? >> >> "Cary Kittrell" <c...@afone.as.arizona.edu> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 65 lines] > dense head have been responsible for wiping out the > dinosaurs? Face turned read from laughter and choked on my water after reading that one. ROLMFAO What else can we blame on Chung? heh > >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 72 lines] > Face turned read from laughter and choked on my water after reading that > one. ROLMFAO What else can we blame on Chung? heh I dunno, but I *think* I know where all that dark matter's been hiding. Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: > Didn't supposedly all of the iridium found on Earth arrive > on an asteroid that crashed into the Yucatan peninsula > some 63 m.y. ago? Therefore, could Chung's improbably > dense head have been responsible for wiping out the > dinosaurs? Be glad it's dense. It's containing levels of stupidity that could obliterate a small city if unleashed all at once. > Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > Be glad it's dense. It's containing levels of stupidity that could > obliterate a small city if unleashed all at once. A small city? It would be comparable to the enegry unleashed in a large solar flare, probably disrupting power and communications for months. This just might be what Chung has in mind for 3 March! Chung is on the warpath, out to avenge the naysayers who have persecuted him!! I think it might be a good idea for Father Haskell to organize a prayer circle. > > Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: > [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > out to avenge the naysayers who have persecuted him!! I think it might be a > good idea for Father Haskell to organize a prayer circle. Done. I called none other than President Bush himself, and together, we prayed. Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: >> > Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: >> [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > Done. I called none other than President Bush himself, > and together, we prayed. Get him a nice, thick helmet to wear. Shave his head and then adhere the helmet to his flesh with an expoy glue, so it will never come off. Because if he falls or gets him in the head and his skull fractures, the the result would not be unlike a medium-size thermonuclear bomb exploding. >> > Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: >> [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > Done. I called none other than President Bush himself, > and together, we prayed. Good move, "he cares" Your dealing with a mentally deranged person in Chung. Only a professional psychiatrist can possible help. In the mean time it is best to ignore him. >> > Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: >> [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > Done. I called none other than President Bush himself, > and together, we prayed. > Your dealing with a mentally deranged person in Chung. Only a professional > psychiatrist can possible help. Think he has enough coverage? > In the mean time it is best to ignore him. Does that agitate him more? >> > Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: >> [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > Done. I called none other than President Bush himself, > and together, we prayed. Father, can you help an old alter boy? I'm a Catlic. Heh > >> "malscribe" <roguewri...@rotted.pencil> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 24 lines] > > Father, can you help an old alter boy? I'm a Catlic. Heh It's spelled altar, and sorry, my family's jewish. >> >> "malscribe" <roguewri...@rotted.pencil> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > > It's spelled altar, and sorry, my family's jewish. Yeah, well, a and e are reasonably close together on the keyboard, enuff fore the okazional typoe to okur. Thanks for the spelling lesson though, it's always appreciated although I would expect better manners from a Jewish Father. Sides, famous line from the Exorcist, thought Chung (I know you're there Wanger) might appreciate it. Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: >> Father, can you help an old alter boy? I'm a Catlic. Heh > > It's spelled altar, and sorry, my family's jewish. Bris time! Clear off the dining room table. Break out the ropes, rusty x-acto knife, and "Circumcision Made E-Z" book. Call in the womenfolk so they can stand around watching and snickering. > Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: > [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > and "Circumcision Made E-Z" book. Call in the womenfolk so they can stand > around watching and snickering. I've a DIY bris manual somewhere if that'd suit him better. > Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > Bris time! Actually, I think we're straying a bit too far off topic here. The real issue is not circumcision (Christ I hope I spelled that right) but the fact that Chung is in dire need of a pneumoencephalogram. It's a relatively painful procedure that is a bit dated since the MRI came along but is quite capable of distinguishing the somatic from the psychosomatic, my feeling is that Chung's diagnosis will be the former and therefore a lobotomy may be in order. Such a procedure would have to be performed by the most skilled neurosurgeon, those involved in this invasive procedure will be risking their lives but at the same time, will probably save the lives of many potential victims. Since Chung has been shitcanned and probably does not have health insurance he would have to rely on older, less expensive medical tests. > > Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > Actually, I think we're straying a bit too far off topic here. The real > issue is not circumcision (Christ I hope I spelled that right) Close enough for my 20-70 vision. > but the fact > that Chung is in dire need of a pneumoencephalogram. It's a relatively [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > their lives but at the same time, will probably save the lives of many > potential victims. Bike pump, three big black guys to hold him down, Sears 19.2 volt cordless drill and Irwin (tm) 1" paddle bit to trephine and make potato salad out of Chung's personality. > Since Chung has been shitcanned and probably does not have health insurance > he would have to rely on older, less expensive medical tests. You can save money by improvising, say, by using a gutter spike as a lobotomy awl. >> > Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: >> [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > bit to trephine and make potato salad out of Chung's > personality. Works for me and just think of the money that will be saved, for the price of renting a small U-Haul, Chung could be liberated of his Iridium-filled brain. Doubtless, this is what's causing these psychotic epidodes and delusions of grandeur but the men involed in the procedure will have to be expendable as they probably won't survive. Either that or they'll have to be committed to a state hospital where they can receive psychotropic meds such as Thorazine. As for Chung, any medication regiment would only exasberate the problem, it's become quite apparent that normal medical procedures would make matters worse. I have a decent bike pump and as for the big black guys, I'll give Chino a ring in the morning and see if I can round up a few yard apes to do the dirty work, I'm sure they'll be more than willing to cooperate after I explain the circumstances. You'll have to supply the drill and paddle. > >> "malscribe" <roguewri...@rotted.pencil> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] > dirty work, I'm sure they'll be more than willing to cooperate after I > explain the circumstances. You'll have to supply the drill and paddle. Sears / AMT radial drill press with 34" swing. I could lobotomize a goddamned watermelon with it. He starts screaming, fire up the angle grinder, the neighbors won't hear a thing. *Please* put a bucket under the platten. I hate mopping up sh.t like bloody chunks of Chung brain. Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: >> >> "malscribe" <roguewri...@rotted.pencil> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 56 lines] > *Please* put a bucket under the platten. I hate mopping > up sh.t like bloody chunks of Chung brain. The dog will lick it up. > Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: > [quoted text clipped - 64 lines] > > The dog will lick it up. Or Chung will. >> Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: >> [quoted text clipped - 66 lines] > > Or Chung will. Yes, we certainly wouldn't want to put the dog in harms way, that would be animal cruelty! Besides, the vast majority of dogs have more common sense than Chung. > >> Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: > [quoted text clipped - 70 lines] > animal cruelty! Besides, the vast majority of dogs have more common sense > than Chung. Can't have them contracting a Mad Chung Disease prion. >> >> Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: >> [quoted text clipped - 78 lines] > > Can't have them contracting a Mad Chung Disease prion. Since prions are generally not highly contagious we probably don't have a lot to worry about, on the other hand, if a dog were to contract MCD there is no telling what might happen. Always best to play it safe. Chung will have to be responsible for any work that needs to be performed after the actual proceudure, no need to expose a decent animal to something that could potentially cause a schizoid embolism. > >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 90 lines] > after the actual proceudure, no need to expose a decent animal to something > that could potentially cause a schizoid embolism. "Old Yeller ate insane christer brains, son... that's why he cain't walk...take the shotgun. Shoot him, Travis, fer gawd's sake, shoot him!" So you know. Chung, never responds to direct confrontation. If you want to confront him you have to respond to one of his 'original' posts and then expect a canned response. Pathetically, it's all he can do. Any intellectual contact is out of the question. It's like asking a dog to recite Shakespeare. Warlord Steve BAAWA >> >> "malscribe" <roguewri...@rotted.pencil> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 63 lines] > *Please* put a bucket under the platten. I hate mopping > up sh.t like bloody chunks of Chung brain. Sounds good to me, I think the Russians used a mop and bucket in their attempts to clean up after the Chernobyl disaster. Hey, if it's good enough for them.... Narcotic anagesics will not be used as that would require more than the allotted 34.95 (sorry, that's as high as we can go.) > >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 71 lines] > attempts to clean up after the Chernobyl disaster. Hey, if it's good enough > for them.... But they limited exposure to something like, 20 seconds per volunteer. > Narcotic anagesics will not be used as that would require more than the > allotted 34.95 (sorry, that's as high as we can go.) Foam earplugs. >> >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 90 lines] > > Foam earplugs. Just make sure that radial drill is up to snuff, otherwise it could get pretty ugly. > >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 97 lines] > Just make sure that radial drill is up to snuff, otherwise it could get > pretty ugly. 1/2" studs set 6" into the floor. She ain't budging no matter how much he convulses. >> >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 112 lines] > 1/2" studs set 6" into the floor. She ain't budging > no matter how much he convulses. You mentioned earplugs, duct tape may be more appropriate. Machete farted out this reeking cloud: >>> >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message >>> [quoted text clipped - 116 lines] > > You mentioned earplugs, duct tape may be more appropriate. f.ck all this crap about angle grinders, studs, ear plugs and whatnot. There's a drug that anesthesiologists use to paralyze you for surgery. It doesn't knock you out or relieve pain or anything, it just paralyzes you. Which means that if he fails to put you under, you get to experience the whole operation fully conscious and you won't be able to resist or protest. Nobody will know what happened unti after the operation, when an antidote is administered and you start screaming bloody murder. Just get some of that sh.t. He'll need to be respirated, though. Ram a tube down his trachea and hook the exposed end to the tire pump. The black guys won't have to hold him, but one will have to work the bike pump while another compresses his chest every five seconds. > Machete farted out this reeking cloud: > [quoted text clipped - 132 lines] > operation, when an antidote is administered and you start screaming > bloody murder. Just get some of that sh.t. Succinylcholine? Is this the stuff they use for ECT? If so, you can block an extremity with a tourniquet. You know the drill's hit an interesting spot when the fingers twitch. > He'll need to be respirated, though. Ram a tube down his trachea and > hook the exposed end to the tire pump. The black guys won't have to hold > him, but one will have to work the bike pump while another compresses his > chest every five seconds. Succinylcholine is the paralytic of first choice for intubation. > Machete farted out this reeking cloud: > [quoted text clipped - 133 lines] > him, but one will have to work the bike pump while another compresses his > chest every five seconds. Nope, too expensive, we have a budget that needs to be considered. Datura (or Jimson Weed) contains the alkaloids scopolamine and atropine. People who have been brave (or stupid) enough in ingest this plant are usually left in a semi-vegetative state for as long as 72 hours. It may not be as effective as a surgical drug but far less expensive as it grows in the wild almost everywhere, most of the time you can find the plant growing within a mile of your home. Vivid hallucinations are almost certain to occur but to the user, these hallucinations are real and the individual is usually not aware, or does not remember, that he's even taken the drug. Perhaps a crude method but when considering the cost, it's probably the best option. Users are, in most cases, unable to walk and one of the most noted side effects is decreased motility so we won't have to worry about gastric issues. There have been cases where users have been known to become violent but this is rare and the yard apes who have been assigned to this procedure will be there to make sure things don't get out of control. These men are working for virtually nothing, a little extra yard time and some dominoes when they return to their supermax prison. > Nope, too expensive, we have a budget that needs to be considered. Datura > (or Jimson Weed) contains the alkaloids scopolamine and atropine. People [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > working for virtually nothing, a little extra yard time and some dominoes > when they return to their supermax prison. Hey Chung, what dressing you want on your salad? >> Nope, too expensive, we have a budget that needs to be considered. >> Datura [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > > Hey Chung, what dressing you want on your salad? He'll have to bring his own, too expensive. If worse comes to worse we'll use one of the solvents laying about, something with a little kick. Always plenty of acetone around! heh Chung has a cast iron stomach from all those bizarre foods that he eats, not to mention his 389 day fast. > >> Nope, too expensive, we have a budget that needs to be considered. > >> Datura [quoted text clipped - 32 lines] > plenty of acetone around! heh Chung has a cast iron stomach from all those > bizarre foods that he eats, not to mention his 389 day fast. His house is worse than Ozzy's. Open the sink base doors, and ten sacks of Doritos fall out. >> >> Nope, too expensive, we have a budget that needs to be considered. >> >> Datura [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] > His house is worse than Ozzy's. Open the sink base doors, and > ten sacks of Doritos fall out. I understand Ozzy once picked up a popsicle stick off the ground, that was covered with ants, and snorted all the ants up his nose. I wonder if Chung would count this in his "pounds per day" diet. Proof positive that Chung belongs in a shithouse is the "hunger is good" BS he's always foisting off on this group. Someone once mentioned starvation, and the victims of Hitler's concentration camps and how hungry those people must have been. Chung remarked that those individuals were NOT hungry when they were dying which is absolute bullshit as I have read many accounts of starving POW's and concentration camp victims, many of them ate each other! These people thought of nothing BUT food until, perhaps, they developed some nasty disease 2 days before they died like Typhus or Malaria (in tropical areas.) If Chung is not certified, he should certainly go through with the planned procedure as it would be best for all involved. Starvation tends to cause hunger, Chung. > >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 66 lines] > > Starvation tends to cause hunger, Chung. If he thinks hunger is somehow "good," that's proof he's never experienced it. >> >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 86 lines] > If he thinks hunger is somehow "good," that's proof he's > never experienced it. Oh but he has, haven't you read the story about his 392 day fast? Apparently, he was hungry nearly the entire time yet still able to engage in numerous activities, while the rest of us would have been wasting away in bed. Must be the Iridium. Of course, when asked to produce proof (photos) of his brave endeavour, nothing was ever produced. > >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 96 lines] > bed. Must be the Iridium. Of course, when asked to produce proof (photos) > of his brave endeavour, nothing was ever produced. Remember the clown who started that "breatharian" diet? Said you could live on nothing more than air, and he was living proof. Got busted when someone videoed him leaving a Burger King, wiping his mouth with a napkin. >> >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 120 lines] > someone videoed him leaving a Burger King, wiping his mouth with a > napkin. Well, one thing is certain, hot air flows freely in this group. Chung is now predicting a world-wide flu pandemic, which begs the question, is he delving into epidemiology or is this another devine gift? Apparently, along with the moon bashing into the Earth, we will encounter a very virulent form of the H5N1 virus, so those of us who are not wiped out on 3 March will die a much more painful death; by a virus which rivals Ebola in terms of mortality rate. > >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 132 lines] > a much more painful death; by a virus which rivals Ebola in terms of > mortality rate. Did he miss the Sun going supernova on July 29, suppertime? Kids, you won't be going to school come September. >> >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 153 lines] > > Did he miss the Sun going supernova on July 29, suppertime? What is suppertime to a man who enjoys hunger? The real questions is, what emits more energy, Chung's Iridium filled brain (if unleashed) or a supernova from a nearby star? More specifically, what's more dangerous to the human race? I'm no astronomist but I would deduce that we should be more concerned about Chung. We know that the sun is 330,000 times as much as the Earth but no one has ever been able to ascertain the weight of Chung's head. Anyone who would be able to figure this out would probably win a nice price, perhaps the Fields Medal, where is "Good Will" when you need him? >>> >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message >>> [quoted text clipped - 166 lines] > win a nice price, perhaps the Fields Medal, where is "Good Will" when you > need him? Double post in order to fix a problem that was caused by Chung. > ----== Posted via Newsfeeds.Com - Unlimited-Unrestricted-Secure Usenet > News==---- > http://www.newsfeeds.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! 120,000+ > Newsgroups > ----= East and West-Coast Server Farms - Total Privacy via Encryption > =---- > >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 164 lines] > more concerned about Chung. We know that the sun is 330,000 times as much > as the Earth Chung's head is 81,840,000,000 times closer, if you're standing in the same room. > but no one has ever been able to ascertain the weight of > Chung's head. Water displacement. > Anyone who would be able to figure this out would probably > win a nice price, perhaps the Fields Medal, where is "Good Will" > when you need him? >> >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 196 lines] > > Water displacement. Ah ha, no wait, one would need to find a graduated cylinder large enough to hold Chung's head and I don't believe such an object exsists as the cylinder would have to be at least the size of a modest black hole. Unless you can find a wormhole to the nearest one, I'm afraid you'll have to come up with another option. > >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 206 lines] > find a wormhole to the nearest one, I'm afraid you'll have to come up with > another option. Aim a laser at it, and see if and how much it bends light. If it has an accretion disc, throw rocks at it and see if you can create x-ray bursts. >> >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 246 lines] > has an accretion disc, throw rocks at it and see if you can create > x-ray bursts. Of course, this test will have to be performed before the procedure begins. Again, individuals will have to be expendable. In fact, I would issue a civil emergency message to all those living within a 35 mile radius. > >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 254 lines] > Again, individuals will have to be expendable. In fact, I would issue a > civil emergency message to all those living within a 35 mile radius. We have liability coverage for that? What's the most remote stretch of godforsaken empty desert within rail service? >> >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 288 lines] > We have liability coverage for that? What's the most remote stretch > of godforsaken empty desert within rail service? Parts are eastern Montana (the big empty) are remote and I believe it is still on the rail line. Complete isolation might be found at Bikini Atoll, where the US did a lot of nuclear testing during the 1950's. I can't be certain, but I can only assume the population probably hasn't increased much in the last 50 years. Of course, we are talking about a 13 hour flight. Chung will have to provide his own transportation, perhaps I can lend him my canoe for his voyage across the Pacific. I have a reasonably decent 10 HP motor (which is the limit in the BWCA where I spend a couple of weeks during the summer) and a life jacket. I would estimate that his chances of making it are about.004 percent but we can wait until Typhoon season! Then I would estimate his chances of making the 13,000 mile journey to be around.00002 percent, perhaps a bit higher if he's decent swimmer. Ultimate seclution would be found at the top of K2, the second tallest moutain in the world but then we are talking about more money, porters to haul equipment, adapting to altitude and dealing with the violent storms that occur frequently, not to mention the near vertical climbing involved above the higher camps. Taking all that into consideration, it might be the perfect place for Chung provided he covers the cost of the journey. Since the climbing season is during the summer months, there would be no one else on the moutain and insurance would not be necessary. Out of the 150 or so people that have attempted the climb, around 40 or so have died trying. That's the ticket! > >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 316 lines] > people that have attempted the climb, around 40 or so have died trying. > That's the ticket! Let's see if he can do it drunk. How remote is ANWR? >> >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 364 lines] > > How remote is ANWR? Other than the Dalton Highway, which doesn't get you directly into the refuge, the only real way to get there is by plane. We could hire a drunken indian pilot with a 40 year old Cessna to fly in although he may not be willing to land, if the weather's bad. Chung may have to jump out from four or five thousand feet, we'll make sure the pilot packs the chute after we've plied him with plenty of good whiskey. I'd say it's pretty f.cking remote, taking into consideration all the wild (and dangerous) animals that call it their home such as the polar, grizzly and black bear, not to mention all the wolves and moose (which can be very dangerous if approached.) Make sure and mention that, oh wait, we'll leave it to the indian to fill Chung in on the details. Good thinking and this time of year, I would imagine the temperature probably never gets above -10 degrees and can sink as low as -60, perfect weather for a man with a hard head. We'll supply Chung with a standard 35 dollar K-Mart tent, a pillow made from straw and some C-Rations left over from WW2. If I'm feeling generous (and I usually never am) I'll also supply a box of matches. He'll have to make use good use of the 45 minutes of daylight. Been to Alaska a few times but I can't say as I've ventured that far north! Went to see Denali National Park hoping to see McKinley but each time it was covered with clouds. That might also be a good spot as not too many people go there during the winter, it tends to be a bit chilly. > >> Ultimate seclution would be found at the top of K2, the second tallest > >> moutain in the world but then we are talking about more money, porters to [quoted text clipped - 24 lines] > their home such as the polar, grizzly and black bear, not to mention all the > wolves and moose (which can be very dangerous if approached.) Shove a reeking dead trout down Chung's pants and tie his hands behind his back and his feet together, just for laughs. I don't *think* the grizzlies will hurt him; I hear they're actually quite friendly. > Make sure and > mention that, oh wait, we'll leave it to the indian to fill Chung in on the [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > covered with clouds. That might also be a good spot as not too many people > go there during the winter, it tends to be a bit chilly. Maybe the hollow earth loonies are right, and there's a huge, gigantic pit at the north pole he can be dropped into. >> >> Ultimate seclution would be found at the top of K2, the second tallest >> >> moutain in the world but then we are talking about more money, porters [quoted text clipped - 68 lines] > gigantic > pit at the north pole he can be dropped into. I was watching the Discovery Channel one night and there was this group of base jumpers who went in search of this massive hole in the ground, somewhere in Mexico. It's basically a cave that's completely vertical, about 1,000 feet deep. Anyway, these idiots decided that they wanted to base jump into the cave, it opens up quite a bit on the bottom, perhaps 75 yards wide and it's filled with bats, they were everywhere. Of course, that didn't bother these guys and they jumped into the cave and than were brought back up by a powerful pulley of some sort. We could head off to Mexico and forget to bring the pulley, oops! <Machete looks at Father Haskell> "Didn't you bring the pulley to get him out?" "No, I thought you were supposed to bring it!" "Oh well, he'll find his way out eventually, the floor of the cave rises about 2 centimeters a year." "Hey Chung, don't worry about the bats, they won't bother you if you don't bother them." "Jesus Father, the least you could do is throw him down some ketchup to go with the bats." > >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 91 lines] > "Jesus Father, the least you could do is throw him down some ketchup to go > with the bats." "Hey, Danny, ever seen _Cast Away_?" FH yells as he throws several items into the bottomless pit, including several worn out pron tapes, an old volleyball, and a bible. Soon, night falls, and Chung finds himself alone in the Yucatan jungle, alone save for the noises, and the large buglike creature of loathsome design climbing up his pant cuff... >> >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 121 lines] > alone in the Yucatan jungle, alone save for the noises, and the large > buglike creature of loathsome design climbing up his pant cuff... To Chung's utter despair, he soon realizes that FH has played a nasty trick on him, he has not thrown a Bible down, but a Quran. Three years later, Chung is still trying to convince "Wilson" that bats are better without ketchup and that hunger is good. > >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 128 lines] > To Chung's utter despair, he soon realizes that FH has played a nasty trick > on him, he has not thrown a Bible down, but a Quran. Because jebus knows a bible's just a bible, but wiping on a Quran will send your infidel soul to Hell faster than you can say Salman Rushdie. > Three years later, Chung is still trying to convince "Wilson" that bats are > better without ketchup and that hunger is good. > > ----== Posted via Newsfeeds.Com - Unlimited-Unrestricted-Secure Usenet News==----http://www.newsfeeds.comThe #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! 120,000+ Newsgroups > ----= East and West-Coast Server Farms - Total Privacy via Encryption =---- >> >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 157 lines] > will send your infidel soul to Hell faster than you can say Salman > Rushdie. Or Andrew Chunk. > >> "Father Haskell" <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 163 lines] > > Or Andrew Chunk. Or Phelps eats dick. > Subject: Re: For Dr. Chung's IMMEDIATE attention > From: "Father Haskell" <fatherhaskell@yahoo.com> [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > drill and Irwin (tm) 1" paddle bit to trephine and make potato salad out of > Chung's personality. Coals to Newcastle at this point...  SignatureMark K. Bilbo a.a. #1423 EAC Department of Linguistic Subversion ------------------------------------------------------------ "The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary." - H. L. Mencken >> > Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: >> [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > bit to trephine and make potato salad out of Chung's > personality. I'll bring the three big black guys >> Since Chung has been shitcanned and probably does not have health >> insurance >> he would have to rely on older, less expensive medical tests. > > You can save money by improvising, say, by using a gutter > spike as a lobotomy awl. >> >> "malscribe" <roguewri...@rotted.pencil> wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > > It's spelled altar, and sorry, my family's jewish. He means his brother is an old alter buoy. >>> > Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: >>> [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > > Father, can you help an old alter boy? I'm a Catlic. Heh You're gonna die up there <pees on carpet> SignatureRobyn Resident Witchypoo BAAWA Knight! #1557 > Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > Be glad it's dense. It's containing levels of stupidity that could > obliterate a small city if unleashed all at once. It's five tons of bullshit in a one pound can. Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: >> Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: >> [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > It's five tons of bullshit in a one pound can. If released, the concentrated stupidity would drop the average IQ for a radius of 100 miles. ...But he's in Georgia (I think) so the effects wouldn't be apparent outside a radius of about 30 miles. > Father Haskell farted out this reeking cloud: > [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > ...But he's in Georgia (I think) so the effects wouldn't be apparent > outside a radius of about 30 miles. Right. Keep it away from slow neutron sources, lest they be captured and initiate fission. |
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