What's the best way to cook a cat?

PWEETA -People Who Enjoy Eating Tasty Animals -  (http://www.ooze.com/
pweeta/) fully supports your right to eat cat (felis domesticus), or
any other game meat in the privacy of your own home. On a
"libertarian" medium like the Internet, there is no end of sites
dedicated to the construction of homemade bombs and weapons of mass
destruction. However, a quick check on any search engine will uncover
a striking lack of quality cat eating advice available in English.

Cat Skinning- Making the Cut

PREPARING YOUR CAT FOR CONSUMPTION
Since cat meat isn't commercially available in the United States (and
illegal to boot), you'll probably have to prepare cat yourself. If you
live in the more enlightened domains of East Asia, and can purchase
cat at the local market, you may want to skip this step and proceed to
COOKING YOUR CAT.

First, get a large cutting board and lay out your cat. Lop off the
head, the tail and the feet with a sharp butcher's knife. These parts
of the cat contain little usable meat, so toss them aside.

Next, make a longitudinal incision on the cat's abdomen. Reach your
hand (wear gloves!) into the body cavity, and remove all of the
internal organs. Discard them- especially the liver. It may look
tasty, but the liver of a felis domesticus is frequently too toxic for
human consumption.

SKINNING YOUR CAT
There's more than one way to skin a cat- our exhaustive research
uncovered two. On this site, two High School students meticulously
guide you step-by-step through skinning a cat - complete with
diagrams. To summarize, use a sharp knife to trim off the skin, and
pull it back, snipping away at the muscle tissue. One Way to Skin A
Cat

Gourmands like to skin their cats differently. They hate shun using a
skining knife, calling it crude. They reccomend you grab the loose
skin around the head stump, and using a pair of pliers, peel it back
off the carcass like a banana, rolling it off the body. The final step
before cooking is to wash the meat of stray gristle and hairs. Nobody
likes cat hair in their food.

COOKING YOUR CAT
Now you are ready to cook! One USENET account recommends placing a cat
in a very high powered magnetron microwave. This device supposedly can
cook a cat in approximately 10 minutes- the proteins are denatured
(cooked), and sugars caramelized by microwave heating. The cat may be
"cooked" but will it taste good? If you've ever tried to microwave a
raw hamburger, you'll know the answer is "no." For the best taste, our
reader inquired about possibly slow cooking a feline. That's exactly
what we at PWEETA recommend- a slow cooked Beer Roasted Cat. Other cat
recipes you may enjoy are classic Cat Tamales, Cat in Spicy Ginger
Sauce, and Cat Au Gratin.

BEER ROASTED CATDO NOT USE BEER
1 cat cut into roast
1 can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup
1 cube of beef bouillon
1 clove of garlic

Scraped CatCover and soak cat roast in salt water for 24 hours. Drain
water and then cover and soak in beer for 6 hours. Drain and place in
crock pot with your cans of soup. Add a clove of garlic, and a cube of
beef bouillon. If you start to slow cook your cat in the morning with
your George Foreman Cooker (or it's ilk), you'll have finely cooked
feline in time for supper.

If a slow cooker is not available, a cat can be baked at 350 degrees
for 2-3 hours in a conventional oven and still come out pretty good.
Beer Roasted Cat is fantastic served with mashed potatoes, collard
greens, and fresh, homemade egg rolls. When planning a full meal just
remember- cat is a course best served hot!

Skinned Cat Cat may not be the most glamorous, or tastiest of game
meats, but with a little thought and preparation, Baked Cat can make
the belly of the persnicketiest diner glow with home baked goodness.

http://www.ooze.com/ooze13/cats.html