I've just reread what I've typed below, and realize it can come across
as telling you you shouldn't be feeling the way you're feeling (i.e.
"not handling it well").  That is such a normal reaction to "The BIG
C".  So please don't think I'm passing judgment.  I'm trying to share
something that has helped me.

I'm a worrier too, but my meditation practice (or is it benign denial,
I don't know which) has helped me develop at least some courage to
meet what heads my way.  Considering how much of a worrier I am (some
anxiety boogeyman runs in my family genes), I seem to be doing damned
well.  Probably just the gravity of the situation kicked me up a
notch.

I know I'm stepping into the realm of unasked for advice here (and you
get what you pay for), but you might consider preparing yourself for
what you will do if you do have cancer.  I started by buying books
(which is a habit of mine), to start researching what my options
were.  But to tell the truth, I can't remember what I did before the
biopsy results and what I did after.  I know I was online researching
before the results were known.

Having this thing hit you in the face can be a very pointed way of
prioritizing one's life, and figuring out what's important, and what's
too unimportant to worry about.

Mindfulness techniques helped me immensely. You can Google
"mindfulness" or "vipassana" or "Jon Kabat-Zinn" to get more info.
"Mindfulness" is "Vipassana" stripped of its Buddhist roots.  It can
work regardless of what your faith is.  Part of my practice has been
to concentrate on my breath (breathing in, breathing out) as a way to
help the mind quit chasing thoughts.  This also helps to focus on what
is going on RIGHT NOW.  It's very easy for my brain to rush to the
future and paint just the right scenario that will send me into weepy
land.

When I got the news that I did indeed have cancer, I went home,
climbed the stairs to my bedroom, stopped for a moment, started
imagining who would come to my funeral, etc, etc, and broke down
crying.  And at the same time, I started thinking "None of that is
happening right now, and may never happen, and it is not useful for me
to dwell there because I can't be effective, because I have to save my
energy to make proper decisions for myself.  It's just my mind running
away with me."  And I stopped crying and just started researching.
Luckily within the last year I've also developed some slight
confidence in the ability of the human mind to exert control over
mental states.  It really is possible to select another tack.

I'm NOT a "guys don't cry" fella.  I'm fairly based in my emotions,
and have no problem crying if that's what my body wants to do.  I
wasn't ashamed that I was crying.  In fact, I had some previous
experience from a few years ago when I had to put a beloved cat to
sleep.  The worst part of the whole ordeal was imagining it having to
happen.  I really ripped myself up with that.  My mind was ripping me
up, not the situation itself.  However, it is so EASY to get side-
tracked in emotions around created scenarios in the mind, that short
circuiting that mental process can only make me more effective.

I don't know how helpful this would be, but, if you find yourself
caught up in worrying or getting upset, just tell yourself "That's not
happening right now, and may not happen at all."  It will take
repetition, and more repetition, and still more repetition.  The mind
is not always your friend.

I hope I've made some sense here.  I'm sort of poking about looking
for something useful to say as I'm proceeding, and also realizing what
works for one person may not work for another.

Take care.

Dwight

Further.  He has gone from 1.0 to 2.1 in five years.  With the doubling of
the prostate size, that makes sense.  So, the only real concern is the
firmness of one lobe.

Not to worry you, but my PSA was .8.  Then went up to 1.0.

That would certainly be our recommendation.